Stuff About Me...

(Me in the mirror)

Once upon a time there was a little girl named Kymm who lived in a land of fairies and elves where her merest wish became reality and men were busting down her door begging her to favour them with even a glance.

Or rather, there was a thirty-eight year old, 5'10 1/2" spinster with a fat ass who lived in the basement like a troll. It all depends on how you spin it, baby, and I tend to prefer the former. I have one foot firmly in Fantasyland, and that's how I like it!

The basic stats are as follows, my name is Kimberly Mary Joan Zuckert, but I changed it to Kymm when I was 13 (all thirteen year old girls change their names from Cindy to Cyndi or whatever--I just never got mature enough to change it back). I was born in Hollywood, CA on 23 August 1964, I am German, Irish and Belgian, and I have pink hair that comes out of a bottle and green eyes that don't.

Both of my parents are/were actors (my father, Bill Zuckert, died in 1997, my mother, Gladys Holland, is still plugging away), and thus I am as well. I was doomed from birth.

Also, I am a director, a photographer, a singer and a dialect coach. And a writer, obviously. And to actually make money I work in the office section of an oncology lab. Cancer puts food on my table. I've been living in New York for twenty years, ten of it in Brooklyn, and, though I have moved to New Jersey five years ago, I still consider myself a New Yorker.

The Family

I haven't got much of a family, in terms of size. I never have had. It was always that all of my Mom's relatives were in Belgium and all of my Da's were in New York and the three of us were a Family Island of our own in Los Angeles, but then I moved East and I was all alone, until one day the Callahans found me huddled on their doorstep and thought "Hey! Free babysitting!" and invited me into their home. We're the modern American family! We don't have to actually be related to each other...

This is my best friend Cynthia, with whom I live (recall the troll in the basement comments above). You got any idea how hard it is to live with a woman as pretty as she is? It's humbling on a minute-ly basis, baby.

This is Cynthia's husband, and also my friend, Fran. Notice that he is not a lesbian, but is instead a man. People who don't know any Italians or Irishmen get confused, thinking that Fran is a woman's name. Isn't he dreamy? He and Cynthia are the perfect couple.

Of course, though, if I'm livin' with Cynthia and Fran, I'm livin' with their children as well! This is Katie, she's fourteen...

...Molly is six...

...and Bonnie is four. Shit, I need to scan some new pictures of all of them, but especially Bonnie! These are from the Bronze Age!

Them Bad Kitties

I have four extremely bad kitties. No, they really are mind-bogglingly bad. This is Monty, he is seventeen and the low cat on the totem pole. I got him at the North Shore Animal League in 1986 when he was one and I was living in Hoboken. He came with the name Chester. His nicknames include Monster, Montafin, Montalopolis, Montevideo, Monkey and Schnoo.

(Bad Milo) This is my little Milo, who died last year, but I don't want to take him off this page. He was, of course, most bad. He was fifteen when he died and also came from North Shore, but in 1987. The name he came with was Kevin, and honestly, what kind of looney would name a cat Kevin! He was lucky I rescued him! Nicknames include Myafin, Myalopolis, Little My and Leave Your Brother Alone.

(Bad Elvis) This is Elvis, who is extremely bad. Elvis is fourteen. I got Elvis at the pound when he was around six weeks old. Somehow, in that six weeks he must have had a boot up the arse as he is terrified of shoes and feet and acts as though I have been kicking him energetically his entire life. He has a purr like an outboard motor and mattery eyes. Nicknames include Eggis, Eggs, Eggafin, Eggalopolis, and Sweetie-Beetie.

This is Baldrick. Baldrick is the baddest of all. He is twelve years old, but is still referred to as "the baby". Nothing makes Baldrick happier than jumping on my back when I get out of the shower and torturing Monty. Nicknames include Balders, Sweet Pea, Schnoodle, Potato-schnoo, and Get the Fuck Off Me For Chrissakes!

Fave Quotes

The Caucasian Chalk Circle

When the sharks the sharks devour
Little fishes have their hour...

-Bertolt Brecht

Recuerdo

We were very tired, we were very merry--
We had gone back and forth all night on the ferry,
And you ate an apple, and I ate a pear,
From a dozen of each we had bought somewhere;
And the sky went wan, and the wind came cold,
And the sun rose dripping, a bucketful of gold.

-Edna St. Vincent Millay

Comment

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
And I am Marie of Rumania.

-Dorothy Parker

Suicide is Painless

The sword of time will pierce our skins
It doesn't hurt when it begins
But as it work it's way on in
The pain grow stronger watch it grin.
And suicide is painless it brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please.

-M*A*S*H

Lady Lazarus

Herr God, Herr Lucifer,
Beware
Beware.

Out of the ash
I rise with my red hair
And I eat men like air.

-Sylvia Plath

Drugstore Cowboy

You never fuck me and I always have to drive!

-Kelly Lynch

Hey, What's With That Hedgehog Shit, Anyway?

O, get out of my ass.
See? That's the hedgehog in me. I like to keep people at arms length, so I'm a little prickly. You need to keep your distance from a hedgehog, but they can't really hurt you.

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