Well, last night I went to bed after 3a, so this morning I did not get up before the alarm, have a nice breakfast, leave the house calmly and still get to work 10 minutes early.

On the other hand, when my alarm went off at 10.30a, I pressed not snooze, got up reasonably quickly, and didn't mope about as though I had an hour to kill, and got to work on time. So I guess the key isn't getting up early, but not acting as though you did when you didn't.

On the other hand, the key to getting to bed at a reasonable hour is not remembering at 2a that you haven't made any cupcakes yet, make brownies instead, and then cook them twenty minutes longer than the box says because you are trying to set the centre.

Which is why the brownies that I am selling tonight have no edge pieces on them. People want to enjoy a lovely, chocolate-y brownie, not shatter their teeth eating chocolate-y granite.

Yesterday was a lovely day, a day to be glad of sitting by the door.

I spent the day re-knitting the toffee brown scarf, since I found that I had dropped a stitch about a hands breadth before, so I un-knit, breaking the wool twice. Sigh. And in re-knitting, I found that another dyslexic thing is tying square knots, so I had to un-knit and re-knit the same two rows five times, as the knot kept flying apart at a glance.

I know that I talk about dyslexia a lot, more often than I should considering that I am not so crippled by it that it affects my life in a significant way, but it interests me, and when I identify something that I cannot do or have trouble doing as a dyslexic thing, I want to bring it up, since most people only think that it's seeing letters backwards, and for me, that ain't it.

I mean, I do have a huge problem with something like #3E, because they do look the same for me (in handwriting, in typing it's easier because the numbers are on the top row, and the E is square), but mostly it's a directional thing, and tying a square knot is directional.

I know that this end goes on top and then the same end when you make the second knot has to go on top even though it looks like the other end because they changed places, but knowing intellectually and then doing it consistently is a whole different kettle of wax.

Five tries. I better not break anything more on the toffee brown scarf, or I'll end up hanging myself with a square knot.

After a day of knot wrestling, I went to see Mark in Hamlet.

It should have been a 7p show, it was over three hours long, but it was 8p, so I had time to kill. No more shopping, I just went to the theatre and hung out on the stairs, because there isn't a lobby.

At about 7.15p, Mark came in and was surprised to see me, because he had been waiting for me in the front, then sat on the stairs with me for half an hour, before finally going in to put his costume on. He was not only in the first scene, but had the first line, so that was prudent of him.

I was hoping for the best, but my God it was dreadful. There were several good to extremely good performances--David as the First Gravedigger absolutely stole the show, Al as Claudius was good, especially when he took off his shirt, the unfortunately costumed Ophelia was extremely good until she went mad (never wear something skin-tight over the belly, with a band around the hips and then flaring out, it made her look as though she had a bulgy belly and a fat ass, and this was a pretty, petite little Ophelia!).

The guy who played Rosencranz and Marcellus was also good, as was Mark, of course. He wasn't good every second--at one point he ran in and told Claudius that Laertes was back, and I only knew that he did so by the last three words, as the rest of it was completely incomprehensible, and he was neither grounded nor real as the Second Gravedigger, but his Osric and his Bernardo were both quite solid. And that was it.

Unfortunately minor roles being swell does not help a play that is not titled Osric or First Gravedigger, but Hamlet. You expect a bit more from the leads in this show than just showing up.

Gertrude was ghastly, but I was warned that she would be. She not only never once sounded recognizably human, but I had the feeling that neither she does in her regular life. Horatio was appalling, Polonius is a dull, ponderous character, which means that cannot cast a dull, ponderous actor in the role--in fact, you need to cast a lively, interesting actor in the role to make up for it. Polonius needs to bore the other characters, not the audience.

Laertes was seemingly unmoved by anything going on around him, plus the actor is a gigantic Frankenstein with dyed canary yellow hair. The Player King was neither good nor bad, the Player Queen was very good in that role, dull in other small roles. The Ghost has a dull, drony voice that worked extremely well for the Ghost, less well for Fortinbras. Also, Osric's line about "Young Fortinbras" made him seem either stupid or a liar, this was old, fat Fortinbras.

And then there was Hamlet. He learned all of the lines and said them in the correct order, he seemed to have emotion at times, though not necessarily what was called for at a particular moment, and nothing scratched below the surface even for an instant. Admittedly, the show had only 2 1/2 weeks of rehearsal, which is impossible, but any actor worth his salt has given at least a cursory thought to how they would play Hamlet if given the opportunity, it's not like anybody's starting from scratch there.

And there is no excuse for rushing through one of the most moving speeches in Shakespeare, so moving that they even do it straight in The Complete Works of Shakespeare (abridged), "What a piece of work is man." I have of late, but wherefor I know not, lost all my mirth...

The main problem that everybody had was that they confused picking the lines up and saying them at a smart clip, with rushing through them like a demented typewriter. There was no emotion, there was no reality, there was just, "I learned all these lines and look how fast I can say them!"

Which makes three hours seem like twenty.

The absolute last word on the Buttercup Bake Shop. Only buy what you can eat in a day. Period. The first day they are delicious and transcendent, the second day they are completely inedible, including the frosting. They do. Not. Keep.

Today's horoscope:
You've been thinking about asking a friend for advice -- someone with the benefits of age, wisdom and experience under their belt. You might be surprised to find that they also have something to ask of you.

One year ago today:
So basically, it's awful and stupid and unprofessional to start a show 40 minutes late, but if you have to, these were the best circumstances for it to occur.

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Last Updated Fri 13 May 13:18:09 2005