So yesterday I dragged my hungover and exhausted self out of bed for a 2p rehearsal in Queens. Ugh!

I left the house at a decent time, but was half an hour late due to tunnel traffic from hell, but what are you going to do? Of course I didn't know my lines, but it turned out that I knew the bit that I had learned on Friday better than I thought I had.

Glenn was very funny, he said, before we started, "Can you please try to be off-book tomorrow?" "How do you know I'm not off-book now?" "Well, that script in your hand is a clue!" Maybe he thinks as I do, that off-book day is just a mild suggestion.

After rehearsal, I had time to kill before the show, so I went to see Sideways at the AMC. Finally!

I loved it so much, I really did. And Paul Giamatti was robbed. Of course, I knew that he was robbed, he is a brilliant actor, of course he should have been nominated, but after seeing the movie, it's a fact that he was robbed.

The whole movie was just a gem, so well-written, so well-performed. I cried about five times, which surprised my mother, but there was so much pain in the film, I don't see how you couldn't cry.

I was wondering whether that "wine is alive" monologue of Virginia Madsen's would work after seeing clip after clip during awards season, but it was just wonderful. However, what was better (possibly because it was new) was Giamatti's half of that scene, where he's talking about why he loves Pinot, and he's really talking about himself and he didn't know it.

I don't think that Sandra Oh got enough attention, either, because she was just luminous.

Then I went to the theatre and remembered that I was mad at Mark for not going to the party the night before, and it just fell on me like a ton of bricks.

I spoke with him as little as possible, avoided him, wouldn't look at him. He, in turn, followed me around and kept asking me if I was going out to BB's with them afterwards.

I just got angrier and angrier and darker and darker until I was enraged. Which meant that I totally was in the wrong place in my head for the show, and messed up my first scene so royally that I never got back again.

I couldn't turn the signs over. Now, the whole point of my first entrance is the signs! Turning over the signs every time I say a different protest, but my fingers were fat and slippery and I just couldn't grasp the edge to turn it.

Now, I am the least nervy actor around, I don't prepare before going onstage, I just walk on and everything is there, but I learned last night that there is a point when real life interferes with what's going on on the stage, and I should remember not to indulge in a black mood like that again.

I didn't get a laugh for the entire show, and by the time it was over, I was ready to kill. So no, I didn't go to BB's, though at any other time I would go anywhere Mark asked me to. Not in this mood, though, I know myself. So I went home.

It's amazing how often I am in a rage when a show closes. I never think it has anything to do with the show closing, but it probably does. It generally happens when I'm working with someone I am crushing on--I get angry that it's over and I won't see them every day, I guess.

It turns out that Jackie and Paul and Terri got to Connor's party at 2a after we left, so I was glad about that.

Today's horoscope:
The urge to have an intense conversation is building, and you won't be able to resist. Why bother, anyway? It's good to clear the air, and 'being nice' won't accomplish that. Just be gentle. You're as volatile as TNT.

One year ago today:
I went to the water fountain and took two Aleve, but flat out refused to open up the Kotex. I could not buy an open box of Kotex, I would die of embarrassment. There are things that were embarrassing when we were 13 that are still embarrassing now.

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Last Updated Fri 22 April 17:45:09 2005