Why, I am asking, why do I never have a normal night's sleep? Either I'm sleeping 16 hours or 10 minutes, there ain't no happy medium with me.

I got home after the show last night and was so tired that I went to sleep around midnight, and yes, I remembered my allergy pills, but I woke up with the coughing and the phlegm at 6a and couldn't get back to sleep. Usually it's 3 hours of sleep, I suppose I should be thrilled with the big 6, but as of yet, I can't quite manage it.

It does weird things to my body clock, getting up at 6a. For instance, as I write this it's 10.21a. And I've been awake for four hours. If I'm up for four hours, it should be 4p or 5p and I should be vaguely thinking about getting ready to go to the show, I shouldn't be wondering when anyone upstairs is going to wake up so that I can go up and get the checks that Le wants me to hand out.

A funny thing I notice when I'm up early with the coughing is that I forget how to breathe.

I don't know about you, but personally I don't think about how to breathe, it mostly just kind of happens. But as I'm lying in bed and my lungs are bubbling, I inhale, then exhale, and then I can't seem to work out how long you wait between breaths. Nothing seems like the right way to do it, inhaling right after the exhale seems like I'm panting or gasping, waiting several seconds before inhaling seems like it's just too long and I can't work it out.

And I honestly think that that's one of the reasons that I can't get back to sleep when I'm like this, because when you literally have to pay attention to every breath you take, it's hard to drift off into sleep.

Constantly thinking "Okay, when should I breathe in again? Now? Two seconds from now? Wait, I'd better do it now, because my lungs are starting to burn. Or should I?" is not the most relaxing, meditative state of being. Giving up and just being awake is actually less exhausting.

So yesterday it rained all day and I mostly hung around the house, watching Campion from Netflix, except for when I got up and dodged through the raindrops to the library.

They have this weird habit of exclaiming over the gigantic pile of books that they have for me and then handing over a tiny pile of about six books that I'm not exactly trembling under the weight of.

I don't think it takes much to be a startlingly voracious reader in Weehawken.

One of the items that I got was The Animatrix, as I continue my great discovery of free DVDs from the library. I liked it very much, especially The Final Flight of the Osiris, The Second Renaissance and A Detective Story. Mark is always going on about Cowboy Bebop, the animator of the latter, and now I'm interested in seeing that.

I was most looking forward to seeing Peter Chung's piece, Matriculated, since I was a huge Aeon Flux fan, but it wasn't my favourite piece. The animation was great, but the story wasn't the most engaging in the series.

I did find it funny, in the Japanese directors commentary, how many words were in English. Apparently, there are no strictly Japanese terms for "concept", "anti-humanism", "mega-structures" or "production designer".

The show was interesting last night. This is not a group of audiences that make reservations, so I wasn't really prepared to almost sell out! Not to mention, we had four latecomers that we ended up having to seat after we started.

I'm dreading having to see it, which I probably won't be able to avoid. What I'm hearing through the door is just dreadful English accent after dreadful English accent, and I just. Can't. Take. It.

We had an actual real British person in the audience last night, and Tony was crowing afterwards that she had told him how good his accent was. I can only imagine that she is deaf, insane, or a liar. Or, possibly, she is one of those people who cannot hear accents properly, even their own.

Watching The Directors series, the episode about Neil Jordan. They are talking about The End of the Affair, and the voice-over just described the film as a "lushly mounted production" over the visual of Ralph Fiennes lushly mounting Julianne Moore on the settee.

A co-incidence or a sniggering editor's prank? I'll bet I know which.

Today's horoscope:
Don't pinch yourself too hard. It's all true. You can definitely have what you want now, in many categories. All you have to do is show up. So get dressed!

One year ago today:
I was going to go to yoga, since we're down to the last two classes with Donna, but I decided to stay home since it was pouring down rain and I am made of sugar and am likely to melt.

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Last Updated Sat 29 May 11:32:09 2004