I keep poking at the stitches on my head to see if they hurt. They do. I acknowledge this fact, then poke at them again to see if they still hurt. Yup, they hurt alright.

And why do I have stitches in my skull? Why, because I got hunks taken out of my scalp. Yes, on purpose. As I mentioned the other day, I am looking like Gollum these days, with only a few strands of hair that I am attempting to twirl over my skull like cotton candy, attempting to look vaguely human. Well, I could just accept the fact that I am the most hideous person alive, or I could find out whether it is a condition that can be reversed or if I am going to become a recluse. A bald recluse.

So I went to the dermatologist, a specialist in hair loss, at 9.20a yesterday. He peeked at my head, and said that it could be pattern baldness, or a couple of things that are reversible or something that could be even worse! Worse than losing my hair at 39? Is my head rejecting everything attached to it? Will my eyes fall out?

So he dug two 4mm hunks out of my head (Me to nurse: "I think he's planning on chopping my head off." Nurse to me: "No, just drilling some holes in it." Me to nurse: "I've always wondered what trepanning would be like!"), all the while laughing and joking with me. The only thing that hurt was the numbing shot--I've spent my life avoiding needles to the head, but there was just no way of getting around it.

The weirdest part was when he sewed me up, since the thread is waxed and I could hear it squeaking into my head, but also I could see his hand out of the corner of my eye, pulling the thread through like he was sewing on a button. Me: "Don't forget to put my brains back in!" Nurse: "There wasn't anything to come out!" Doctor: "I'm trying, but there's just so much blood, I can't see the grey stuff!" We were all talking in exclamation marks.

So that's why I'm poking at my head. Yup, still hurts.

After that, I went out to lunch with Tamar and StealthPunch. Because what you want to do to your friends, is explain to them about the giant gaping holes in my skull right before they eat.

Last year, we had lunch together because StealthPunch couldn't make the brunch at Tamar's house. This year, she made it, but we had lunch together again anyway, and now we're in it, because you do something once and it's a lunch, twice and it's a tradition. So even years from now, when we frankly can no longer stand the sight of each other, we'll still be dragging ourselves out to stare in a desultory manner at each other while pushing food moodily around our plates.

Not that that happened yesterday, it's only the second time, we have yet to get sick of each other. Yesterday we had a swell time!

By StealthPunch.

Another disastrous dinner last night. It was an antipasto loaf from Omaha Steak that I ate a few bites of and Mom ate one slice of, and we agreed to throw out the remainder. Tomorrow, we are going back to the leftover ham. You can't go wrong with the leftover ham.

Today's horoscope:
Some march to the beat of a different drummer, but you're a whole band unto yourself. Composers and arrangers find a direct route to their intended listeners. Opinions are for critics, and you're free to ignore them.

One year ago today:
"And you think posting a photo of the inside of your nostrils is going to get you that boyfriend who's going to help you get pregnant? That is the funniest inappropriate design choice I have seen in ages."

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Last Updated Sat 10 January 00:47:09 2004