So yesterday we suddenly realized that it was nearly Christmas and we hadn't done a single bit of shopping! So we hied our asses over to Target and damn well started.

I picked out some bras and socks like I always do, and created a pair of jammies out of the softest red pants in the whole world and a black t-shirt top with a cartoon head with wild red hair and under it is says "Bad hair day".

Not a clever new joke or anything, but it reminded me of Beth and it was a really cute drawing. Which was actually what made Mom buy me the jammies, because she was putting her foot down about new jammies this year, but she couldn't resist the "Bad hair day".

I also got her three pairs of piggie socks (or actually she got them for herself without looking, because I was out of money), because if there is anything on earth Target is good for, it's supplying me with socks with pigs on them to give to my mother year after year. She must have the largest collection of piggie socks in North America. It's really rather impressive.

Then we went to the tree lot and got ourselves a tree.

The tree lots wasn't where it had been nearly my entire life, right across from Vons, because they are actually building something in that empty lot. The new lot where they were is apparently going to have a building on it next year, so who knows where Holt and Daughters will be next year? Because wherever it is, that's where we're getting our tree. Because we like our habits round our way.

I finally let Mom talk me into a small tree this year, after holding my own for at least the last 15 or so. I like 'em big and tall and touching the ceiling, Mom like 'em small enough so that they are only touching the ceiling when they are sitting on the table, and never the twain shall meet.

This year, though, the prettiest tree was a little one, so I let her have her way. Unfortunately, she loves it and I see that I will really have to windmill to get a proper tree next year.

Before we left the house to go to Target, Mom and I were puttering around the house, waiting for the microwave repairman.

I took a bath and went downstairs wearing a towel, when Mom asked me to help her flush our Hooterville toilet. I opened the window to get the hose, and as I raised the window up, the motion of my arms made my towel fall off, my breast being perfectly framed in the open window. At the exact moment the repairman came around the side of the house to announce his presence.

I swear, it was like suddenly being in a porn movie come to life--the repairman comes over to fix something just as the lonely housewife's towel "accidentally" comes loose, and then the repairman "fixes" something, alright. Baum-chicka-baum-baum.

Of course, in real life I dropped the window so that the frosted glass covered my modestly, grabbed my towel and raced upstairs. And didn't come down until the microwave was fixed and he was gone.

It was a little embarrassing, but frankly my tits look great with my arms stretched over my head, and I can just picture him telling the story for the rest of his life, "And I walked around the corner just as the window opened, and there, there they were..."

Today's horoscope:
This could be the wrong moment to ask for what you really want. If you know that much, you have more time to prepare. There are still so many things you have to do between the inevitable and the eventual.

One year ago today:
Of course, it's a local call to my cell phone. I have never heard such a lame excuse in my life, how can he think that it's a long distance call just because I'm in LA, the phone is still in New Jersey.

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Last Updated Thurs 3 February 16:42:09 2005