I hate all growing things. Trees, flowers, plants, anything that produces pollen of any kind and for any reason has got to go.

Cacti are okay, I guess, what with the whole flowering once a year for 12 hours business. Also grass, that can stay. Everything else, out! Out! Out of my eyes and nose and sinuses and air!

I swear, if there were an Olympic event in using up a box of Kleenex in the quickest amount of time without actually being sick, I would win it in a heartbeat. Buy your shares of Puffs Plus stock now, I have no doubt they are going to go through the roof!

And in case that you are wondering what all that is in aid of, yes, my allergies are fucking killing me!

Two things are important to know in order to understand my whining, the first is that I never had allergies until about eight or nine years ago when I first developed asthma, then allergies to perfume and dust and things like that, and, most recently, the spring pollen-a-go-go that most people seem to have. And the second thing is that I never take medicine if I can help it.

I am not anti-medicine because I'm all into homeopathy or anything, in fact when I do take medicine I prefer it to have as much actual medicine in it as possible--to me, "all-natural" means "doesn't work". Really, I just can't be shifted to take medicine, I'm just too damn lazy.

Also, in terms of things like colds and stuff, I've always felt that medicine just masks the symptoms and makes the illness last longer, so that when you stop taking the medicine you still have to have the cold anyway. So a cold takes a week and the bronchitis afterwards takes two weeks, and then it's over! Big deal, who can't handle that?

Okay, here's the thing that I, as a reasonably new allergy sufferer didn't actually realize until yesterday. That it never ends! So sneezing and blowing your nose and being uncomfortable for a week or whatever doesn't actually get you any closer to the time where you get to put the Kleenex away, because, as I said, it never ends!

So yesterday, when that light dawned, I got up and staggered my snotty, sniffly, itchy-eyed self to the supermarket and threw myself on the mercy of the pharmacist. I figured that even if I didn't have a prescription, she could recommend something.

And she did! She asked me a couple of questions about whether I had high blood pressure or any allergies to medicine, then recommended Alavert. She said that it was pretty much the same as Claritin, but cheaper and it's what she herself uses. I looked at her clear eyes and non-runny nose and said, yes please!

Then I went and found some new eyedrops, because if my eyes itch much more I'm going to dig them out with a spoon. I've been using useless old Naphcon-A, hoping that it will magically be returned to its prescription strength, but frankly I'd probably do better if I were spitting in my eyes.

I found a new product called Refresh Liquigel, meaning that it's gel rather than weak saltwater, which I think is a great idea, since maybe the gel will stick to my eyeballs and actually lubricate them in some fashion rather than running harmlessly down the back of my head or whatever the hell the Naphcon-A does.

So okay, Alavert, eyedrops and a big ass box of Puffs Plus, since it doesn't do any harm to be prepared for all eventualities. Also, a lot of candy, because some of those eventualities might include needing some Dots or Sugar Babies. You never know.

This morning, I woke up and could breathe through my nose. Both nostrils. And I lived happily ever after.

Today's horoscope:
Ready for a nice, quiet, intimate evening? Well, good, because you've certainly earned it with your patience over the past few days. Better not get too comfy, though. The weekend is coming, and it's going to be a doozy.

One year ago today:
"Kymmie, if you were very very bad and you killed everybody except us, you wouldn't go to heaven, you would go to a different place where there are piles of fire and the devil makes you his slave and it's called London!"

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Last Updated Thurs 29 April 12:50:09 2004