Man, yesterday was weird!

I got up early, decided that I really should change the sheets on my bed (it's far too embarrassing to admit the last time I changed them--it's probably at least twice as long as whatever you guess, depending on how filthy you think I am), made the bed, washed the sheets, grabbed some more books to shelve, swept the floor in the place that I cleared of books, and all that happened before it was 10a!

In fact, it's been so long since I was up before 11a that I completely forgot until it was almost too late that they do such a thing as serve breakfast at McDonald's before a certain hour of the morning.

But I got my breakfast and all was well. It's a treat to get up that early without having to force myself to do so, it's like having all of this extra day that I never lay eyes on.

And this morning I woke up from having a whole night sleeping on clean sheets and it was so sweet that maybe I'll start changing my sheets with some reasonable sort of regularity just to have that great feeling again. Do you know that when you sleep on fresh sheets, I don't have to sweep the grit out first? Seriously!

I remembered that there was a movie at SAG today, so asked Cynthia if she had gone yet. She hadn't, so we went to the early show of The Alamo.

I had heard it kind of sucked, but I do love Billy Bob and it's not as though I haven't already paid for it so I might as well go and see it, even if it does kind of suck. Which it kind of did.

After it was over, I turned to Cynthia and said, "I had no idea that that many movie stars died at the Alamo!" and a guy walking past us said, "Some of them not nearly quickly enough!"

It was one of those kind of history movies where they walk up to each other and say, "Sam Houston, how are you?" "Just fine, Davy Crockett, seen Jim Bowie lately?" and when Jim Bowie shows up onscreen, the first thing that he does is pull out his giant penis, I mean knife, because he is Bowie as in Bowie knife, get it?

Apparently, the stand at the Alamo wasn't so much about fighting and a great deal more about two men speaking together in a room. I haven't seen so many scenes with two people speaking together in various rooms since the last time I watched All My Children.

Loved Billy Bob, loved Jordi Mollà as Juan Seguin, loved the fact that the guy playing Santa Anna looked like Mr. Sardonicus with his giant, skull-like death's head grin, the rest was mostly a drag.

The cat is very happy that I have cleared off the chair, because now he is sleeping in it twenty-four hours a day, and it doesn't twitch and change positions like I do.

Actually, when I cleared it off, he ignored it totally, but when I put my towel and jacket on it he leapt up and fell into a coma. Because there ain't nothing better than sleeping on something I'm gonna need, that's what Baldrick thinks.

Watching Comedy Central's Bar Mitzvah Bash, who is this dork hosting? With all of the comic talent that they have at the tips of their fingers, they couldn't get anyone any better than that asshole from The Man Show?

Are they only counting from when they were called Comedy Central? What about when it was The Comedy Channel? Am I the only person alive who remembers Night After Night with Allan Havey? The Higgins Boys and Gruber? Dead Comics Society? The old MST3K with not only Joel but Dr. Erhardt? Short Attention Span Theater? Tommy Sledge, Private Eye?

Yes, I am. Comedy Central sure doesn't seem to. I remember when they hadn't yet unveiled the new name of the network and Havey would say, "The new name is Comedy...Central Park is lovely this time of year, isn't it?" and now, not even the tiniest clip of a kinescope of Havey's show.

I miss you, Havey! I miss you, Grube! I miss you, Tommy! All the old Comedy Channel boys that I had crushes on. They had more shows after the change, but I loved those old five hour long shows where they had to really had to fill the time. It was like the early days of television.

So far, I am not that impressed by this show. Even Mario Cantone, whom I quite like, is being very boring with the ten minute Middle Eastern cabdriver routine. And why is Snoop Dogg on this show? And next, ladies and gentlemen, the comedy stylings of Snoop Dogg! Thank heavens for TiVo.

Finally, a decent routine, Colin Quinn. And Judy Gold is good, though she's been doing that nose joke for at least the last five years. Wanda Sykes and Lewis Black kicked it. At least it's getting better rather than worse.

But do you think that the various celebrities that they got to tape little "Happy Bar Mitzvah, Comedy Central" announcements could have been a little funnier? I mean, Ray Romano clearly can speak extemporaneously without writers, Drew Barrymore, on the other hand, could use a little help. And editing.

Also, only one clip of a celebrity saying "Today you are a man" should have been allowed, everyone else should have been required to come up with something else.

I am absolutely mesmerized with the commercial for the Eggstractor.

First of all, how hard is it to peel a hard-boiled egg? Second of all, who the hell eats enough hard-boiled eggs to want to spent $19.99 on a hard-boiled egg-peeler? And keep in mind that this question comes from a person who will only eat hard-boiled eggs!

And lastly, why when they are auto-peeling these thousands of hard-boiled eggs, do they peel them over the bare counter and just let them bounce all over the place everywhere? Apparently, they want them peeled without all that toil and trouble, but they don't actually want to eat them or they would peel them over a plate.

Today's horoscope:
This is the stuff that long-term romance is made of, so if you're single, get out there and start looking. If you're attached, the news is even better. Pretend it's Saturday again, and find something to celebrate.

One year ago today:
Anyway, the trip home was uneventful, but for the fact that they have it carefully planned out so that the train from Melissa's house misses the train to Trenton by six minutes and then you have to wait an hour for the next one. Thanks, Pennsylvania Transit Authority!

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Last Updated Wed 28 April 17:56:09 2004