It's 1.30p and I just woke up. But according to my body clock it's 10.30a, so that's not so bad, huh? Except for the fact that I slept for over twelve hours, because I went to bed a little after 1a. NY time. I'm looking forward to being on only one time zone, because this is awfully complicated.

It's pouring rain. There was just a really long rumble of thunder. Yep, I'm home. I want to go back to LA and work on my taaaaan!!!

I had a long dream about The Apprentice, a show that I have never seen or been even slightly interested in.

Apparently, I was in the show, and we were putting on a play. We had to decide what show to do, and I knew which one I wanted to do, but they decided on another, some dumb Andrew Lloyd Weber show. In protest, I decided to quit the show, but then I discovered that I was going to be the lead, in the Elaine Page role, and that it was going to be on Broadway!

I was just trying to figure out a way to get the role back, when I woke up. If this ever happens in real life, I'll know not to quit anything before finding out what role I have.

So yesterday I got up at 5.30a after about four hours of sleep, had some breakfast, stuffed a tranquilizer down the cat's neck, put all of my luggage into the car and drove to the airport.

We take surface streets now, rather than brave the appalling freeway traffic, what with rush hour on the 405 being 24 hours long. Possibly the traffic lets up a bit around 4a, but I wouldn't count on it.

I had to get to the airport at 7.30a, two and a half hours before my flight, in order to get a seat assignment. I stood in the line for the curbside check-in, chatting idly with the woman behind me who was worried that she wouldn't make her flight, when suddenly:

"O shit!"
"What is it?"
"I forgot my purse! With my wallet! And my photo id!!"
"Where did you forget it?"
"At my house!!"

I don't need to tell you which part of the conversation was me, do I? Yes, I had left my purse at the house. The house that is an hour away from the airport. Fortunately, I tend to stuff things in my pocket, and I had my bank card and my Amex and some cash, though not my house keys or my driver's license.

When I got up to the skycap, I told him that I didn't have my DL, and he said that he couldn't check me in, but I could go inside. He took me to the skycap line inside so I didn't have to stand in the terribly long line. When I got to the front, I looked all big-eyed at the woman and told her that I had id, but not photo id, and she said that it was okay! Thank goodness.

So I got my seat assignment and paid for the cat's ticket, then found Mom who had come from parking the car, and told her the sad story. She promised to overnight my purse to NY so that I would be able to get in and out of my own house.

Most times when I go to the airport, I make some sort of hideous error of some kind--this was the first time I made this particular one. One thing with me and travel, it's never dull!

I saw that the line to go through security was very long, so I decided not to make the same mistake as I had at Christmas and got in it right away, saying goodbye to Mom.

The line was quite long, but at one point they came through and cut everyone to the front going on flights at 9.15a or before, and then again, cutting people with SSSS on their flight coupons. Mine had SSSS, but I have no idea what that meant or why I got to go early, but I wasn't going to look a gift line cut in the mouth.

When I got to the front where they were checking photo ids, I pulled out my Amex and explained again, and then was put right into the terrorist line. I didn't mind, I was glad just to be allowed to go onto the plane!

I had to take my shoes off, when I said that they had no metal in it, the guy smiled and said, "Ah, but this is a special line!" "I know, the line for people who foolishly leave their photo ids at home!"

I had to take the cat out of the carrier and carry him through, as I did before, but this time he was struggling and clawing my shoulder--not too much, but enough that I was holding him very firmly.

His eyes were very dilated and the sleep membrane was partially covering them, so the tranquilizer was working, but now he is a seasoned traveler and wasn't frozen with fear like last time. I far prefer the catatonic version, myself.

When I got through, I wanted to put him back in the carrier, but first they said to put his back paws on the table and lift him up so they could see his belly. That's what happens in the terrorist line, they check to see if you cat is wired with plastic explosives. Fortunately, all that was on his belly was fluffy white belly fur, and I could put him in the carrier before he managed to wriggle away and scamper around the airport.

Then they went over me with the wand and dug through my bag and so on. The guy said, "How many lighters are in this bag?" and I answered that there was just one. Was that a test as to whether that was my own bag? Whatever, at least I knew how many lighters I had, so I could get on the plane.

The flight was fine. The movie was Lost in Translation, but I was too tired to watch a film with so little dialogue, so I just tore through my magazine collection as quickly as I could. I still have a billion of them, which all goes to how many books I read in LA.

It was a very full flight, so Baldrick didn't have his own seat as he did last time. I put the carrier on my lap a few times and stuck my hand in the top and petted him. As opposed to last time, he rubbed his head against my hand--he's definitely become quite used to plane travel.

When we landed, I had a message from Cynthia saying that she was going to be in Westchester and wouldn't be able to pick me up from the Port Authority, and that in fact, no-one would be home, because Fran had tech for his show and the girls would be with him. Eek! I had this picture in my head of me standing in front of the house in the rain with my luggage and the cat.

So I called home and talked to Katie. "Are you going to be home in a couple of hours?" "I don't know, why?" "Because I don't have my keeeeeys!!" "O, okay, if I go out, I'll leave my keys in the mailbox." Thank goodness!

Then I went onto the bus and listened to the couple across from me call all of their friends and tell them that they had been bumped up to first class and sat next to Chris Noth and in front of Meg Ryan. who looks just like she does in the movies, and then got on the van and went home and all was well.

And I'm home! And it's raining. And my TiVo is completely full. And I put my food in the fridge (half of the Easter ham, a Sara Lee cherry cheesecake, two boxes of taquitos, etc.) and did a load of laundry, so I felt like that was a day's work done, and happily sat down to watch Poirot and Waiting for God and As Time Goes By.

I called Mom to let her know that I had gotten home safely, and she told me that right after I left, there was some sort of computer problem at LAX and no planes left! I'm glad that I didn't get the later flight that I wanted, or I'd be sitting there still.

Today's horoscope:
After lots of long-term planning, it's time to actually step up and take action. If you feel the need for a bit of privacy in the meantime, insist upon it. Assure your dear ones that nothing is wrong.

One year ago today:
I heard afterwards that Jesse was craning his neck when I was pulling my skirt up, trying to see my Secret Womanly Place, which I thought was hilarious. I knew we should have charged more for those front row seats.

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Last Updated Mon 13 April 17:12:09 2004