Once there was a girl who thought that her heart was dead. She thought that she was living her life the way that it would be lived forever, that she would never find anyone to share her life with.

One day, she turned around, and found that she was wrong. There was someone that she had known for awhile, and he was there and she saw him through new eyes. She saw him as a man, a man that she wanted to be with. And he wanted to be with her, too. She thought he did, anyway. And her heart lived again.

Time passed, and they grew closer and closer. He always saw other people as well, but that never bothered the girl, for she loved him completely and openly, and not in the way that makes you want the other person only for yourself. Actually, that's not entirely true, she wanted him all to herself more than anything in the world, but she knew that it wasn't possible, so she didn't mind.

She learned, over time spent with him, to love with open hands and an open heart. She knew that loving that way could only come to one end, happiness and togetherness and life and love together forever, like in all of the fairy stories. She had read enough books to know that finding your soul-mate, finding the love of your life is something that always turns out well. That there would be obstacles to overcome, but that it all would turn out in the end. She had no doubt.

And then one day, nearly a year to the day from the moment that she realized that she had found her true love, her home, her life, he told her that he didn't want her. That he loved her and wanted to remain her friend, that he wanted to be in her life, but that, though he was her soul-mate, she was not his. That he did not believe his happiness lay with her.

She did not understand. How could he feel that way? How could he not love her as she loved him? How could she have found her true love, and he had not found his? How could she see this possibility of a life together so clearly, and have him standing there saying that such a thing did not exist, that he saw no such view. The stories all ended differently than this, the stories all ended happily.

But then she realized that the stories were written by people who wanted things to end happily, the stories were written by people who could control the outcome and make the ending how they wanted it to be. And that she wasn't living in a story, but in a life that could not be forced along certain lines just because she wished it to be.

She had never read the stories about the one who found her soul-mate and the one who didn't, but that was the story she was living. She had learned to love, she had found the man that she was born to love, her heart lived again, and yet, he did not love her in return.

She did not regret loving him. She did not regret giving him her heart on a silver chain. She did not regret a moment that they spent together, or a single kiss or touch or word exchanged. She could not make him love her, for you cannot make people feel things that they do not, nor unfeel things that they do, but the time that they spent together had been the sweetest of her life, and she had no regrets.

But o, she thought, if it could only have ended differently.

How can you still be
Searching for your one true love
When I am right here?

Today's horoscope:
You're witty and well informed. Surround yourself with family, whatever that means to you. New friends will hang around long enough to become old friends. Playing the game matters more than winning.

One year ago today:
I had lunch earlier than usual, because I get in early on Fridays, so I was back at 1.30p when The Raccoon sent me straight back out again for balloons for the shower. Apparently, there are no balloons in Manhattan, a fact of which I was unaware.

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Last Updated Sat 20 September 23:02:09 2003