So I got up this morning at 12.47p!

I always get up between 9a and 10a, sometimes a little earlier or a little later, but never outside of 8.30a to 10.30a, and it really doesn't have anything to do with how early of late I get to sleep.

But this morning I woke up at 8.15a and I was still pretty tired so I thought I'd try to doze for a little longer, and ended up sleeping for four and a half hours more! And I had the most intensely detailed sex dream about Penn Jillette, so it was a well-spent four and a half hours.

Now, I like Penn Jillette, I think he's swell and I've always found him to be hot, but I've never imagined fucking him in my living room in Los Angeles with my mother walking in and out of the room. He was awfully good, too.

Now the really funny thing is that when I talked to my psychic the other day, she said that there was this guy who liked me and whom I should sleep with to show Omar what an open relationship really is, but when she described him, he did not sound familiar, "He looks like an old rock star, long hair in a ponytail, round face..." but that's basically Penn Jillette!

Of course, I don't actually know him, and if I did, Kate would bite my nose and eyelids off if I did have sex with him, but honestly, the dream sex was so good, who needs real life?

So yesterday was the first read-through of A Doll's House.

I have such a great cast, I am so lucky. I have four world-class genius actors--Omar, Peter Rabbit, Michael and Kelly--out of a cast of seven! We read the play and laughed our asses off at times (and if you don't think that there aren't laughs in A Doll's House, you've never read that "I'm going to brush my muff" line), and Omar wept at the end (hopefully he hasn't completely blown his wad on that).

Afterwards both Omar and Peter Rabbit told me that they felt that they were going to have to work their asses off to keep up with the level of this amazing cast.

When the rehearsal was over, Omar and I were going to go out and get some dinner, but he was all "I'm tired, I'm going up, I left my wallet in my apartment" (we were rehearsing in the same building where he lives), so Peter Rabbit and Kelly walked me to the van.

I was waiting for the van to leave, and I decided to turn my phone back on and check my messages, and Omar had called to say, "I got my wallet, I'm downstairs, let's go out!" so I got back off the van and walked back to the building to meet him, passing along the way an enormous black man, (literally seven feet tall and four feet wide, a wall of solid muscle) who quietly said as he walked by me, "Gorgeous..."

Omar said that the apartment that we had been rehearsing in was so hot and he was so sweaty that he just couldn't wait to get out, but when he got up to the apartment he realized that he didn't want to be there after all, so he tried to catch me instead.

So we went to the bar and we had dinner and we talked about the show and about his facial hair (he's growing a beard that I am vetoing, not the least reason being that he's looking less and less Norwegian as the beard grows) and just had a nice time together for an hour and a half or so until they threw us out because they wanted to close the restaurant.

He walked me to the van and he laughed at how much I like making out on the street in front of everyone. Look, I like kissing and I like kissing him, I don't care who's watching or thinking "Get a room!" Frankly, the more people watching the better, but I never claimed not to be an exhibitionist.

I realize how lucky I am to be this much in love. I realize that not everyone gets to feel this way, and that no matter what happens, I am one of the luckiest people alive in that I get to have this intensity of feeling running through me, like blood.

I also realize that saying something like this is tantamount to foreshadowing everything falling apart for us in the next couple of days, but this journal is a record of my feelings as well as my actions, and I want to remember that on this day at this time I was realizing and noticing and appreciating the fact that I get to love this man this much.

And frankly, it's not as though I don't know that it won't last. Either he'll pull back again, thinking that he can't handle this, can't handle me, doesn't love me enough to go through the gauntlet that we have to go through to be together, or he'll step forward and decide that he wants to be with me more than anything else in the world.

Either way, it'll change, the love will become sad and lost, or deeper and fuller, it won't be this newness which is only possible when everything is in the future. And I want to remember feeling like this.

Today's horoscope:
Before fixating, remember that you have options. If Virgo can imagine it, Virgo can probably find a way to do it. By pursuing multiple goals, you'll always be in motion.

One year ago today:
Katie was there with her friend Taco, who's a really great kid, so why she wants to hang out with Katie, nobody knows. I suggested that she was paid to be her friend, and Taco shot back, "Not enough!" I like a teenage kid who can riff.

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Last Updated Tues 9 September 19:51:09 2003