My nails are sparkly pink. I had used the purpley-bluey-shiny-sparkly nail polish that Elizabeth gave me a few days ago, and then yesterday I took that off and put on the sparkly pink. I look about eight years old. Elizabeth knows me really well.

Okay, I wrote the above early in the day, when I was in a good mood. Now I am so not. And for no good reason, except for the fact that today is the Bad Hormonal Day of the month.

I was fine, I was in a good mood, I was telling a story to Cynthia and laughing, and the second she left, the Wild Mouse arrived--I just fell into a deep depression and I didn't know why until I did the math. And it doesn't matter a damn that I knew for a fact why I felt that way, I still felt that way.

Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean that they really aren't out to get me.

So yesterday I finally talked to my psychic, and she had many cool things to say to me. Apparently, now is a time of great change and great creativity and all kinds of cool stuff is going to happen to me really soon.

The thing that made me laugh is that she made it very clear that when this success is flying at my face, I need to made certain that I don't turn into a bitch. Honestly, if she said it once, she said it twenty times, that I need to be careful not to think I'm so big because I'm so successful, and not to think I'm better than anyone else. I said okay, that I'd sure try!

All I can think of is that scene at the end of The Muppet Movie, when Orson Welles says, "Prepare the standard 'rich and famous' contract for Kermit the Frog and friends!" And of course I can't take it seriously, but if it happens, I promise not to start acting like the sun rises and sets up my ass. Um, I mean more than I do already.

But let me tell you, the first thing I'm doing is buying that beautiful Chevy Silverado.

Did you know that Arnold Schwarzenegger is actually running for governor of California?

Yes yes, I know, everyone knows that, it's not new news, but I guess it was something that I thought about like it was entertainment news, or like Arnold was making a movie about running for governor or something, but I get the west coast feed for NBC on my DirecTV, and I saw a really truly campaign commercial for Schwarzenegger For Governor that acted like it was a normal and sensible thing that he was running for a major political office, and I thought "Holy cats, that's actually real!"

I am trying to decipher those commercials for Whoopi.

What exactly are they trying to accomplish by having the least funny commercial in history for a sitcom (handily beating the former winner, um, the previous commercial for Whoopi)? Are they trying to make certain that nobody watches the show right from the start so that they will be able to cancel it quickly? They have a contract with Whoopi that they must honour, but they are burning it as fast as they can?

It cannot possibly be because it shows off the show well. Unless, dear heaven, it's actually worse than it seems to be! That the commercial actually makes the show look funnier than it actually is? That's such a terrifying idea that I might actually have to watch the show to find out. You know, if somebody gives me a million dollars or something.

Today's horoscope:
Accept that right now, the deck is stacked against you and lose gracefully. This is only a game, not the rest of your life. Once the Stars change position, order will return to Virgo's world.

One year ago today:
sucked it down and licked the bowl, slapping other people's hands away, and nobody had the goodness to tell me that it was motherfucking eggplant!

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Last Updated Fri 5 September 15:20:09 2003