Christ, it's 4.30p in the afternoon and it's pitch black outside. I hate Daylight Savings Time. Or is it Standard Time? Which is it now, real time or fake time? Well, whatever it is, I certainly hate it being pitch black at 4.30p in the afternoon.

So yesterday I got another email from my man, my crazy, weak man. He said that all throughout our relationship I have always doubted that he would be there, I always expected him to break dates, and that our romantic relationship was destined to fall apart because of my doubts.

Now let's calmly, rationally go over this. He is completely insane! That is not only a rationalization of the highest order, it is a projection of the highest order. I doubt that he will show up for a date because he is always canceling on me, if he were more constant, I would have fewer doubts. And I have never had any doubts about our relationship, about whether he loved me (at least until he said that he didn't).

He is the one with the fears, with the doubts. The reason we are not together at this moment is because he is fucking terrified of being with me, of what that would mean.

O, and another good one was that he said that our date wasn't definite, that it was optional. Apparently, we have a problem in our definition of terms, because I think that "I'll see you Monday at 9p" means that he will see me Monday at 9p, not that he might see me if he is well enough to do so.

I'm about one inch away from suggesting couples therapy. Even though we are not currently in a couple together.

He keeps going on about how he is in mourning, about how he needs to heal. "Fine," I want to say, "Do it! Do it do it do it, and finish it for Chrissakes and call me when you're done!"

Today's horoscope:
Restlessness feels less inspirational than before. You still feel like taking a chance although you're not quite so sure of your success. It's comforting to know that you have somewhere else to turn.

One year ago today:
The movie was fantastic, glorious. I turned to Tracing after it was over and said, "That was the most romantic film I've seen since Hannibal!"

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Last Updated Mon 27 October 16:51:09 2003