Okay, the show is over. All that work for five performances. I never think that way, but this time I am, it just seems like so much and then it's over so quickly.

Omar raped her good last night, it was finally as scary and hot and dangerous as I always knew that it could be.

And I was proved right in how I insisted on getting those Norwegian newspapers, since six people from the Norwegian church came! I can only imagine that they whispered to each other "That's Swedish money!" but the newspapers were authentic, dammit!

Omar's cousin came to the show unexpectedly, and he had promised to go out with me afterwards, so as soon as I sold her her ticket, I went into the dressing room and whispered in his ear that he had promised to go out with me and he re-iterated his promise, so after the show when he found out that she came, he couldn't change his mind.

Not that he was going to, but I wanted to make certain that I claimed him as mine for the night.

We went out after striking, to the bar for a minute but we were so hungry that we ended up going to Westway and having sandwiches. Then I walked him to the Port Authority, and we ended up deciding to go home on the bus together, because I can get off his bus about five blocks from my house, so why not spend the extra time together?

It was really great for awhile there, we were nuzzling and kissing each other, being one of those disgusting couples that you see all entwined in a public place, at least until this guy came and told us that the bus wasn't running. And after that, it wasn't so great.

We had to go to where the Greyhounds were, and some Jersey Transit busses were running and some weren't, and they weren't really telling us and didn't seem to care much that it was 1.30a on a Sunday night and people had to get home.

And Omar was furious. He was absolutely livid at the inconvenience and how everyone was being treated, and that all bled into his being angry that he lives in Jersey again and being angry at his ex for leaving him with nothing, and he was so tense and so unhappy and the evening was spoilt.

Fuck you, NJ Transit, fuck you for spoiling what was, up until then, the closest and happiest we had been for awhile.

We ended up taking the bus that went to my house and I borrowed the car and drove him home. We kissed goodnight a few times, but he was still upset. All I can do at times like that is just listen and stay calm myself. It's so much easier being the kind of person who doesn't get upset about traffic and bus schedules, but that wasn't really what was wrong, it was more his entire life changing and his feeling that he was moving backwards rather than forward.

Today's horoscope:
The deeper you look, the more exciting an offer becomes. Others can stop explaining -- you'll figure it out from here. Remember to eat, drink, breathe and stretch as this new passion grips you.

One year ago today:
It's the most perfect song. It brings so much to the scene. And it's easy enough that he can learn to play it without getting into a tizzy over it. Of course, he will anyway, this is Omar that we are talking about, after all, but it's both possible and likely that he will be able to sing and play it properly within the time possible.

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Last Updated Tues 28 October 20:47:09 2003