So yesterday were the two shows. I only had a couple of reservations for the matinee, but I had run into Merry at the bar the night before and she had said that she was coming, so I sort of hoped that it wouldn't be pathetic.

But boy was it pathetic. Merry did come, thank goodness, and there was one other person, and I made my usher go in as well. But that makes three. Three! Did I mention three? It was a very good show, though, they did it very well and I didn't take notes.

The evening show was much better, audience-wise, and the show was as good, or even better. And there's only one more show, one more cake to make and then I'm free.

Omar didn't come to the matinee. There was always the chance that he wouldn't manage to come to the show with his current emotional spiral, especially since with his work, there are only two performances that he could get to, the matinee or tonight.

Between the shows I went to see Love Actually, which was wonderful, though I am not well enough to see a movie like this, I wept all the way through. And afterwards, I called Omar. "I love you, I miss you, come home soon."

After the show, he called me and we talked. About us. It's hard, when we are both in different places, he's not ready for what I am ready for, he's trying to rebuild his life. He said that when he sees me, it's just so easy to fall into me, that when we are together we are so close and he isn't ready to be that close to anyone.

So I told him that I would step away. That I will step back. That I'm afraid that he will get well and move on with his life and move away from me. He told me that one of the most important things in his life is knowing that I love him as much as I do and that I am just a phone call away. And he doesn't ever want to be without me.

The question is, will he ever want to be with me?