So cold. So! Cold! Wasn't it 80° just on Tuesday or did I hallucinate the entire experience?

So yesterday I went to see Shattered Glass with a friend, the first movie that I haven't wept all the way through in quite some time.

It was an extraordinary film, a fascinating look at a pathological liar and his effect on everyone around him. Terrific performances all around, but especially by Peter Sarsgaard, whom I remember really loving in The Salton Sea. He had the real actor's tour-de-force role in this, because he was the character whom we got to see think and change. I think that Hayden Christensen as Stephen Glass was the one who really had the harder acting job, because he had to remain opaque throughout.

My friend and I were talking about Glass, she was wondering whether he was crazy or whether he actually believed his own lies, and I found myself very easily understanding and explaining what it's like to live a life filled with lies. Of course, now I pathologically tell the truth, but I used to lie all the time, and it's really easy to fall into the whole thing. And you don't really believe it, but you cut away the part in your head where you are conscious of the lies, because if you are going to convince other people of a certain truth you have to behave as though it is the truth for you as well. You never forget that you are lying, but you just kind of ignore it.

I easily see how a person can spiral into Glass' life, I can see how I could have, though not on such a public level. But I know that I never will, because now I not only tell the truth about everything, I force my truth on people whether they want it or not. If you are pathological and obsessive-compulsive, you have to keep doing it no matter in what direction you take your life.

After the movie, we went to Vynl, where I hadn't gone in absolutely ages. It had been so long that I even forgot to order bacon on my grilled cheese sandwich!

While we were eating, Omar called me and we talked for a minute, then agreed to talk later since it is very rude to chat on your cell phone when you are out to dinner with someone.

When I hung up I was all going on about him and about how much he's making me crazy and about how much I want it all to work out, and she looked me in the eyes and said "You and Omar are going to have kids, and me and K are going to have kids and our kids will play together." And I just started to tear up, because that's everything that I want in the whole world.

Then I did the show, went home, and he called again and we're going out on Wednesday to see In My Skin.

It will be the first time that I have seen him in a month. I don't know if I can wait until Wednesday, all I want is to see him now.

Today's horoscope:
The best feedback happens around actual food. A trusted source is ready to talk. Virgo should know the subject well enough to tell fact from speculation. No friendship is complete without a measure of gossip.

One year ago today:
I called several people with my anxiety attack, no-one was any help. I'm not supposed to be the one panicking, I am supposed to be the one propping people up as they panic.

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Last Updated Thurs 27 November 17:19:09 2003