Omar was telling me about this song that he was listening to about heaven being when you die you go back to the time that you were happiest, and what time he would choose as being his heaven, and I started thinking about when I would choose. And I wrote him this:

"I've been thinking about what you said about heaven being going back to the time where you were the happiest, and I was trying to think of what my time would be, when was I happiest, and I couldn't think of anything. I mean, obviously there must have been a time that I was happiest, maybe the first couple of years Greg and I were together, maybe when I was living in London, but I don't think that those times were happy enough to go back to. I think that my happiest time must be yet to come.

"Is it a sad thing that I don't have a happiest time, or is it a hopeful thing that my happiest time lies in the future? I cannot imagine that I will never have one period of great joy in my life, just as I cannot imagine living the rest of my life without love. Of course it's possible that this is as good as it gets, and it certainly is not that I am unhappy with my life as it is, but the day that I no longer believe in the possibility of the happiness that I covet will be the day that my heart has died."

Today he said that that was the saddest thing that he had ever read, but I don't think it's sad, I think that I am lucky because, unless I die tomorrow (which I'm not particularly planning on) I have my happiest time to look forward to. Looking forward rather than back can only be a hopeful thing, not a sad thing.

Today's horoscope:
The same old thing doesn't work so well. You've been meaning to switch over for ages and this is the time. As long as you're getting new equipment, why not clean out the files and redecorate while you're at it?

One year ago today:
It took, and I do not exaggerate, twenty minutes to clip ol' Sarah Bernhardt's claws, and Monty refused to speak to me for hours afterwards.

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Last Updated Fri 28 March 19:12:09 2003