Another rehearsal with Le yesterday. We were supposed to be off-book, and I had stuffed the lines into my head the night before. I wasn't bad on the lines, but what I had done is have a bunch of the character suddenly come sharply into focus for me.

Cynthia laughs and says that this show is so easy for me because I am not actually acting at all, the rage and annoyance I feel towards Omar's character, the things that I ask of him, they are all real, all I have to do is really ask him these questions.

I looked him right in the eye and asked him one so seriously that he stared at me and went completely up on his line.

Le was very complimentary on my work, though he'd really rather I knew my lines a little better, I certainly was not the only one paraphrasing and calling for line all over the place. Somehow, I think this is going to end up being my show.

Was Omar still being slightly distant, as though we were mildly friendly acquaintances? Seemingly. Was I still angry at Omar for pulling away from me? You bet I was.

By the time we parted to go to our different homes, I was enraged. En. Raged. I was so angry at him that I could neither speak nor think. And I certainly couldn't clean. I had about eleven arguments with him in my head while staring at a comedy show on TV that I didn't laugh at once.

It was the last night of the show, and Omar came to it. I was standing in the lobby when he got there as my sullen and pouty self and I wouldn't talk to him beyond monosyllables.

He went into the show and I had another two or three fights with him in my head, and it occurred to me that this wasn't doing anyone any good. That my acting in this appalling and loathsome fashion would not do anything but make him think that his distancing himself was actually an excellent idea.

So after my show, I went in to see the last one-act, sat next to him and whispered in his ear, "I'm sorry I'm being such a bitch, I think I'm a little hormonal," and he said that it was okay and put his arm around me, I put my head on his shoulder, he put his chin on my forehead, and we sat that way for 40 minutes.

Today's horoscope:
You weren't exactly stuck, but suddenly you're further along than you imagined. New evidence feels like personal property when it applies to what you're doing. If you trust yourself, others will surely follow suit.

One year ago today:
I had no idea how much salt was in that drawer--I have all of the salt on earth. I swear, if you don't have any salt in your house, it's because it's all in my top drawer at work. I'm surprised that the oceans aren't made of fresh water.

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Last Updated Mon 24 March 21:29:09 2003