I'm still getting up at 8.30a, I don't need to be on Omar's body clock anymore, when will this madness end?

Thoughts while watching the SAG Awards:

This was on Sunday night when I came home from Lancaster, but I didn't realize it was on until I had missed the first 15 minutes or so. I hope nothing interesting happened before I turned it on, but I'm pretty sure that I missed an award or two. The SAG Awards has no filler, so it's not as though I missed something boring or Rob Lowe singing to Snow White or something.

They are partway through the nominees for Outstanding Female Actor in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture. I think that's the long-ass mouthful that they call the award. I mean, I call myself an actor, not an actress, but if you are trying to distinguish between female and male actors, there is nothing wrong with using the word "actress", it's not like you are saying "Jewess".

Well, Catherine Zeta-Jones was the only clip I saw and she was also the winner. God, she looks amazing pregnant, I can only imagine that if I were pregnant I'd want to rip her face off. Did she forget to thank Richard Gere? O well, you can't remember everyone.

Renee Zellweger's cheeks are so red she looks either as though she is drunk or Nell from the country, as my mother says. It's probably just makeup, but that is the dullest explanation.

Diane Lane is so beautiful. I wanted to be her when I was a child actress, when will A Little Romance come out on DVD? She has perfect eyebrows, a perfect jaw and perfect breasts. With those three things you can rule the world.

Ha! They showed Chris Cooper's clip, then a big fat shot in the audience of someone who is totally not Chris Cooper. Talk about either being not quite famous enough for a nomination or looking really super different from your character.

Yay! Christopher Walken won! I'm so pleased, he's my boy and the unrecognizable Chris Cooper's been winning everything. Chris, honey, you've been through enough of these by now to know that you needn't actually suck on the microphone like a dick in order to be heard. But I'll forgive him anything, I adore him so.

Outstanding Female Actor in a Drama Series. I voted for Lorraine Bracco, not because I'm all nutsy about her, but because she gets nominated for everything, Emmys, Golden Globes, and Edie Falco always wins. Lorraine is like the ugly sister and I'd like her to for crying out loud come out on top for once.

And she won. It's a much showier role, and she's excellent in it, but poor Lorraine. God, what did Edie do to herself, she's bright orange! Went a little overboard in the fake tan department, did we, Edie?

Outstanding Male Actor in a Drama Series. Everyone but Kiefer has won twenty awards already, I'm rooting for him. You know, except for Treat Williams, whatever, don't interrupt. And James Gandolfini wins. Goddamn, with that beard he looks like Le, except that he has brown hair rather than blonde and grey. They seriously could totally easily be brothers.

"And again I have to say, I've said this before, to all the actors out there that are working hard and struggling, um, things can change. Very quickly. Hang in there. And enjoy what's happening to you now, 'cause, um, things get pretty weird later on if it works."

Well, thanks, Jim! I will hang in there.

Clips of unexpected actors singing. Well. Now we know why Keanu plays the bass in his rock band. This is a man who knows his limitations. Well, some of them. He still seems to think that he can speak Shakespeare, but nobody is completely self-aware.

Best Cast of a TV Series. Go CSI! Go go go go!!! It'll probably be The Sopranos, the other series only have a shot when they are off for the year. Heavens, it's Six Feet Under! I've seen that show once or twice, I was never that interested. Mom really digs it, though.

Man, if I were one of those actors I think I'd be less excited by the award than the fact that it was being given to me by Peter Falk. I mean seriously, Peter Falk!

Jeez, Melissa Gilbert sure turned into a babe. She has more than a half-pint of tits, that's for damn sure.

Outstanding Female Actor in a TV Movie or Miniseries. The only one that I saw was Helen Mirren in Door to Door, so I voted for her. Also, she is Helen Mirren, enough reason as any to give her any award at any time. Stockard Channing won. Of course, she is brilliant, can't argue with that.

Sean Astin has dropped a few pounds since Lord of the Rings, I see.

Outstanding Female Actor in a Comedy Series. Megan Mullally for Will and Grace. She does a great deal with a one-note role, I'll give her that. It's so weird to see her not doing Karen's voice, like hearing John Hillerman or David Ogden Stiers talking like themselves rather than like Higgins and Charles Emerson Winchester.

I managed to miss who those two dull-eyed actresses were presenting Outstanding Male Actor in a Comedy Series, but rewinding to hear that it's Alexis Bledel and Alicia Cooper doesn't help a bit. Especially since I can't even find Alicia Cooper on IMDb, I probably mis-heard. Also, I don't care, my God if you don't have a little bit of fucking charisma, why are you a performer?

Sean Hayes wins. I'd have loved it if Tony Shalhoub won, but he's pretty great, I can't complain.

Whose idea was it that Nicole Kidman dye her hair Tweety-Bird yellow? She just might need a new consultant. Ed Harris looks like a Hobbit next to her.

Is Jeri Ryan on a show now? If not, why is she presenting, she's not anything like a big enough celebrity to be handing out an award and getting that gift bag if she isn't currently working.

Everyone Loves Raymond wins Best Cast. I don't watch the show, so I can't really argue, but I'd have gone with Friends or Sex and the City myself. And I think I did, I can't remember which one I voted for.

What this telecast needs is more Law and Order commercials. Maybe it's just me.

Michael Clark Duncan said hello to his mother and family before going into his speech. Apparently he doesn't appear on awards shows much. Maybe he spends most of his time on game shows and standing outside The Today Show.

They are showing clips of local actors cast on location shoots. Apparently, one Philadelphia actor has gotten a speaking part in a Hollywood film in the last decade. That many, huh?

Why is Maureen O'Hara in a tux? I suppose when you are Maureen O'Hara, you can do as you like, but honestly, woman.

Outstanding Male Actor in a TV Movie or Miniseries. Again, the only one I saw was Door to Door, but William H. Macy was fucking brilliant in that role. And he won! I'm so pleased, he is one of the greatest living American actors and he never wins a damn thing.

Outstanding Female Actor in a Motion Picture, Renee Zellweger for Chicago, that's kind of a shock! The smart money was on Nicole, I think, or Julianne Moore. She remembered Richard Gere, but poor John C. Reilly was skipped this time. I guess the cast was too big, because she certainly talked for damn ever.

My Big Fat Greek Actress needs help dressing. Bigtime. On the other hand, I want what happened to her to happen to me and I'll probably choose the wrong clothes too, so I shouldn't be throwing them stones.

Outstanding Male Actor in a Motion Picture, go Adrian Brody! Go! Go go go! He doesn't have a chance. And I was right, Daniel Day-Lewis wins. It was a pretty spectacular performance, not many actors can be that operatic and still remain truthful.

It's nice to hear him talk about loving movies and wanting to be in movies, since what he mostly talks about is hating acting and thinking it's ridiculous, it's very gracious of him to be making this speech. And mentioning John C. Reilly!

Chicago wins Best Cast. No great shock there, frankly. And Richard Gere gets to be the talking guy, which makes sense, since he is the losing guy and didn't get to already speak. He may never stop.

Today's horoscope:
Unedited thoughts go straight into words, bypassing your inner censor. You may be first, but you could also be wrong. This isn't like you. Focus for long enough to read the fine print.

One year ago today:
Who are these lunatics who nominate Ethan Hawke for things? Why, for God's sake, why? Have they no eyes to see with, no ears to hear with? And, more importantly, didn't they see Steve Buscemi in Ghost World, don't they know a great performer from a hack who can't grow a proper beard when they see one?

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Last Updated Sat 15 March 18:37:09 2003