God, it's a thousand degrees. Just on Sunday it was raining and cold and I wore a sweatshirt and a jacket! Now it's broiling, and the air conditioner in the space ain't all that cool.

Fran sweats like a motherfucker, he really does, he sweats more than anyone else I know besides Omar. And he wears a wool suit in this show, with a jacket and a waistcoat. That he will likely have to burn after the show closes, because I'm pretty sure that dry cleaning won't be quite enough.

And his hair! His head! I'm stroking his hair in Act III and my hand practically slides off--I certainly have to surreptitiously wipe it off on my skirt. He says that it's as if he has a blowhole in his head like a whale, I say that it's like trying to cuddle a seal.

Seen the flop sweat scene in Broadcast News? It's like that.

How'd the show go? Much better, actually. Philip was in a bit of a mild panic that he would forget his lines again, but once we passed the danger spot, he visibly relaxed.

The funny thing was that my answer to his line that he couldn't remember yesterday was "I've been waiting for that!" which I said with great gusto. Later in the dressing room, he said, "Yeah, you were waiting for that, for about twenty-four hours!"

I was fairly fumblemouthed, saying the words in my lines in somewhat random order, but I think that I made some kind of sense, and "Come here to me, you great fool!" worked for once. That's an incredibly difficult section in Act II, right after the rape, and I never have gotten it quite to my satisfaction before.

The thing with this show is, it has never gone completely well, and I think that it never will. It's such a huge undertaking that for every single section to go well would be almost a miracle, but on the other hand, it's equally difficult for everything to go badly.

I was in a hell of a mood all day, in a rage and a panic and I had about fifty fights with Omar in my head. I was so afraid that he would freak out again, but I had no control over whether he would or not, so I just freaked out for him.

Then I talked to Cynthia right before leaving the house to go to the show, and she told me that Philip calling for line yesterday was my fault, because if I had helped him, he wouldn't have had to. Well, I just about fell apart with that, and left several incoherent messages on Omar's voicemail, alternately yelling and weeping.

After the show, as he was on his way home from doing Cuba in Long Island, he called me and talked me down. He was very good and patient with me, and believe me when I say that the first words out of my mouth were, "I think I'm getting my period!"

We talked more about Rose Tattoo, which we had discussed at length the night before. He's really excited about our doing it, even though it won't be until next spring or so. He's a lot like me in terms of getting excited about new projects and talking about them incessantly. Unlike me, though, he is less likely to lose momentum.

He was so cute, though, I have to drop some weight for the role, I know I do, but he didn't want to say it that baldly, so he said, "I'm going to have to go to the gym for about six months in order to look right for my role, and...you're going to have to do what you're going to do!" Serafina cannot be thin, she has to be voluptuous and plump, but a great fat cow she is not.

His cousin wants to play that role, but she is not an actress, and she knows that she will not in fact be playing the role. She does not, however, know that it will be me who is playing her dream role. I'm not sure if she'll kill me or him first.

There's this amazing show on Showtime called Out of Order that I started watching because my friend Felicity Huffman is in it, but I'm so glad I am, because it is so funny and smart, and surprisingly moving.

I say surprisingly, because I started unexpectedly weeping at the end of the first episode as watched it yesterday. Admittedly, I was being menstrual, but that's not the only reason. The lead guy, Eric Stoltz, we've watched him for two hours trying to deal with his clinically depressed wife and his child and his life and he ends up sleeping with this woman whom he really does like very much, but he still loves his wife, and at the very end of the episode, he says in voiceover:

"So now the time has come, time to decide, you the jury of my peers, bathed in the screen's glow, am I guilty? And of what crime? Adultery? Illicit drug use? Attempted murder of a goldfish? You could convict me of all of these and more, I suppose. I have no excuses, but I have my reasons. Yet, I submit to you that I am truly guilty of only one thing. Of being human." And then, each of the other main characters repeats that phrase, "Of being human." Maybe it's a cliche, but it caught me at a moment where it really struck me.

Today's horoscope:
Potential is no guarantee. The more you have going on, the fewer your chances of actually completing anything. Haste leads to overload. Put all data in writing before any of it gets lost.

One year ago today:
"You, I bestow upon you, child, the opportunity to be in a show directed by me! Tremble! Tremble before me!"

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Last Updated Thurs 10 July 20:39:09 2003