It's been five days since I talked to Omar, so of course I am having an anxiety attack. It's not as though I didn't know that we wouldn't be talking for this long, and I have no doubt that it will be longer, but when I have no new information to put into my head, my head manufactures bad information.

What if all that I told him is freaking him out in retrospect? What if he has changed his mind and he wants to just forget it all, it's too hard? What if he wasn't telling me the truth, but trying not to hurt my feelings. I don't really honestly think that any of that is true, but my mind wants to convince me that it is.

One of the problems is that I know that there is nobody in his camp who is on my side, there is nobody who he could talk to who would say, "Don't fuck it up with Kymm, she's too important!" Instead he would hear, "What are you still talking about her for, isn't she gone yet?" Of course, it's not as though he is a wet noodle, he's actually the most stubborn person I know, you cannot get him to change his mind if he's made it up, but I would still be happier if there was some sort of support for this relationship.

But we are taking a break and it's going to go on as long as it needs to, and I need to have my mind give me a fucking break.

Connected with the above, I went to yoga yesterday, the last class with Donna until after Labor Day when she comes back into town, and it's amazing how she somehow always knows the exact kriyas to do that I need the most.

Last week she did a kriya for breathing when I had had an asthma attack the night before, and yesterday one of the ones that we did was to eradicate fear. Wow. Talk about your timing. Hopefully that will hold me until she comes back in the fall.

It was pissing down rain yesterday, the heavens just opened up when I was on my way home from class, and as I was walking down the street, a car hydroplaned me. On purpose, it looked like. I was completely soaked from the waist down.

I do not believe in the death penalty under any circumstances, except for in this one instance: death to drivers who hydroplane pedestrians when it is completely avoidable and they are just being assholes. Beth thinks the same about spammers. Murderers, rapists, child abusers are all small potatoes compared to these monsters.

Rehearsal was reasonably good, but damn this show is hard! I absolutely suck at this point, though I think that I will improve. God, I hope I will.

We're still not cast, we still haven't been able to reach John either by phone or email, though I think he's set because he told Le that he wanted to do it. I never thought I'd say this, but this guy is actually harder to reach than I was pre-cell phone. I called Jesse to replace Omar, but haven't heard from him either. Why does no-one call me back for this show?!

Then last night there was the goddamn long boring show again. I didn't have an usher, and we were really busy, so I had a director from the 7p tear tickets for me, and one of the actresses from the 9p show brought her 8 year old niece and left her in the lobby with a book, so I recruited her to tear the tickets for that show.

She was the most popular usher that I ever had and ever will have, the audience was thrilled to see her. I wish she could be my permanent usher, frankly.

Lenten entries missed:

Diane gave a party for eight million three-year-olds, decided to move back to the Bay Area, explained why living in LA is scary, tried to find a new house, saw some screenwriters speak, recapped the Oscars, started exercising again, totally met the man I wanted to marry when I was twelve years old, was waiting for that net, and got all touristy. I am an LA native and I have never been to the Santa Monica Pier. I don't think I've ever even driven by it.

Today's horoscope:
You're eager to move ahead with your own agenda. Overlooking certain conditions could become a huge liability. Limit your coffee intake -- too much stimulation could throw off your sense of proportion.

One year ago today:
At that point, one of the guys in one of the other shows, said, "Well, my show will be the complete opposite, there will be a full dance number in the middle of our curtain call!" and I started laughing.

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Last Updated Wed 4 June 17:42:09 2003