Welcome to the worst week of my entire life. No really, you're welcome to it, I sure don't want it.

Of course, it's not the worst week of my entire life, nothing will ever beat the week where I was waiting for my father to die, then experiencing my father dying, followed by reeling through the day or two after he was dead and never coming back. This is not as bad, nothing ever could be, but it's a close second. Instead of being one huge awful thing, it's lesser, medium-sized awfully things one after the other, it's like being beaten with a sock full of pennies in a dark room--you can't see where the next blow is coming from or if it's finished, so you're constantly either cringing or falling.

Yesterday's joys were a call from the vet saying that in addition to the lung infection/cancer/asthma that Elvis has, he also might have liver disease or diabetes and I have to bring him in next week for another blood test. He doesn't do things by halves, my boy. I don't want him to die, but I really don't want to have to put him down, I've never had to make that decision and I do not want to, I really don't.

Then, in the afternoon, I got written up. A written warning, the kind where it's the last straw before you get canned. I was basically told that I had two choices, firing or a promotion. If I stay as I've been, I'm fired, if I get better, I'll get promoted to supervisor. Or course, I have to get much better for that to happen, and I really would like to be the supervisor, I could use the money and it's not as though I don't already do the job as it is, in terms of overseeing the other girls in the department, but in terms of my own work, that's what it was stressed to me that it would be really nice if I stopped fucking around. Because if I don't, I'm out.

Then, directly after having that meeting, I got a call from Omar that his mother was in the hospital and they don't know what's wrong with her. So apparently the shitstorm that is this week isn't directed only at me. He asked me to take care of something about the Streetcar reading, and of course I'm doing that immediately, but I wish that I could have done something else, anything. Instead, he was sympathetic with me about my problems. Could I possibly be more selfish?

It's so cold. I can't get warm. I'm trying and trying and I just keep shivering.

So, I had my psychic reading at 8p. I spent the time from 6p on just twitching and staring at the clock. I thought I needed the reading when I made the appointment on Monday, but with everything that has happened between then and last night, I really really needed that reading.

Wait, did I mention that I was going to have a psychic reading? I think that I didn't. It all started with this entry from Helene. Now, most people consulting a psychic wouldn't make my ears prick up, but Helene is about the most sensible and hard-headed person I know, it was as though Lucy was talking about having a psychic, I thought that if Helene thought that is woman was good, that was a good enough recommendation for me.

I called her on Monday to set up an appointment after vibrating about it for a week, but I had to wait until I got paid, which was yesterday. Fortunately, she had an 8p appointment on the earliest day that I could both talk to her and actually pay her for her services.

And it was, she was, amazing. By the time it was done, I felt so much better, so at peace. It was as though the week hadn't actually happened, though of course it had, it was as though I could move on. It happened, it's over, I can make my life into what I want it to be.

She pegged so many things about me, things that I can work on in myself, she told me things that she saw in my future, things that I want with my whole heart, she told me a way to proceed to make some things happen, she was great.

This sounds like I'm all airy-fairy or something, but I'm not, it was literally as though a weight was removed from my shoulders and I have these goals to work towards and tools to use to get there.

I came home and called Helene and we told each other our readings, noticing that the one thing that she told us both is that we are both remarkably independent. That's sure true. My favourite thing that she said, though, was that I tend to get ahead of myself--"You can't eat a cake that isn't even in the oven yet!"

We'll see if these things that she predicted happen, these things that I want more than my life, but if nothing else I know that I can become a more complete person with her advice, I can become more myself.

Today's horoscope:
A new situation is more work than you expected. Male and female energy can still balance out, but it can be a challenge. Don't forget that you've accomplished something.

* Yesterday / Index / This Month / Tomorrow *

E-Mail / In the Belly of the Hedgehog

Graphics by the resolved Saundra!

This page was written by hand. My hand. Only pussies use HTML editors.
Last Updated Thurs 23 January 00:04:09 2003