Thoughts while watching the Grammys:

Ah, that musical legend Dustin Hoffman. He's finally getting his due at the Grammys, there is justice after all!

Okay, he's there to introduce Paul and Artie, that makes sense. Showing them on separate screens hanging on either side of the stage as they sing "Sounds of Silence" also makes sense. There'll be enough crap music on tonight so they are starting with an act that cannot be followed. Either that or they figure that the people who most want to see Simon and Garfunkel will want to be going to bed before midnight anyway.

This is an incredibly moving song to hear sung by these men at their age. It's like hearing Stevie Nicks sing "Landslide" these days, it means so much more with some years behind them.

Artie's aging better than Paul, who looks a little as though his face is melting or he's wearing the mask of an old man.

They just listed every single famous person in America as being on the show tonight. Will they all come out at once or one at a time and each say one word? Any other way and this will be a seven hour show. What am I thinking, it's always a seven hour show.

Dustin, please don't say "Whassup?" please dear God, I won't even say "Whassup?" and I'm half your age.

No Doubt, I dig them. Gwen is always just a dorky girl from Orange County in all of her interviews, and I really buy it. Who was it who asked recently if she was always showing her belly button in order to prove that she is not an alien? I think of that every time I see her, because I think the only time I haven't seen it was in her wedding pictures, and that may just have been because of the angle.

Big shot of Aretha Franklin looking bored. You have got to always have a delighted look on your face at these events, you never know when they will slap a reaction shot of you across the country.

Somebody should tell Dave Grohl that there is no such word as "toppermost", but on the other hand he said it with such a sincerely enthusiastic expression on his face that I cannot fault him.

Bowling For Soup? There is a band called Bowling For Soup? Man, I am out of it. I've heard of Bon Jovi, do I get points for that? N'Synch had a song out this year? Does the band still exist? I thought they had all slid down the steep slope to obscurity with only Justin Timberlake still hanging in there for the next eighteen months or so.

And No Doubt wins for Best Band or Duo with Vocal. You could tell that that was the idea, since they performed right before this category, that's always the giveaway. Because it would be so embarrassing to have them just standing there as ol' Bowling For Soup swept by them to the microphones.

Kylie Minogue and has-been waiting to happen Justin Timberlake presenting together. I suppose they wanted to have him up there with a blonde and they'll take any one that they can get. But Britney is nominated in the category, I guess they're hoping that she'll claw his eyes out on national television.

But the winner is Norah Jones, who, again, just performed. I think we have a trend!

Marc Anthony introducing Faith Hill. Are they trying to mix it up as much as possible? Who will introduce Eminem, Yo-Yo Ma? Did Faith Hill stop at the Grammys on her way to her job at Show World or did she wake up late and not have time to get out of her night attire?

Hey, they flashed who won some of the pre-broadcast Grammys and Randy Newman won for Best Song From a Movie! Go Rand!

Paul Schaeffer is wearing a dark blue velvet suit. Nothing will distract from your head, Paul, give it up.

Hey, this Vanessa Carlton is right up my alley, I should get this album. This is why I watch the Grammys, last year I discovered India.Arie, I think Vanessa might be this year's unexpected treat.

James Taylor! Sweet Baby James. O, and that's what he's singing, there's a funny co-incidence. I was just saying today to Fran that his last three albums are better than anything he made in the seventies, he just never stops growing as an artist, it doesn't matter whether they play him on the radio anymore.

Jesus, John Mayer towers over James Taylor, he must be a real monster as JT is 6'4".

Kim Catrall and P. Diddy bantering about male performance, saying the same joke twice. I'd say that there won't be a more painful moment tonight, but I don't want to tempt fate.

Now they are presenting Best Rap Album, and Kim Catrall is so out of her element that she actually stumbled over the word "rap". And Eminem won. Here's hoping he won't say anything particularly idiotic this time, sometimes he makes it really hard to like him...And he was quite lovely and gracious. He just has a stupid thing on his head.

Apparently, coming up is a special tribute to The Bee Gees that I won't want to miss. They promise? Seriously? Okay, we'll see.

The Dixie Chicks singing "Landslide", which totally makes me think of Weetabix's entry about this song. I hadn't heard their rendition before now, but hey it's a bluegrass version of one of my favourite songs, of course I'll love it! Except that it's kind of not good.

Best Country album, I'd love to see my girl Dolly Parton win, but the Just Performed factor is sure to figure in again. Yep, Dixie Chicks win. I do like them, but that "Landslide" really sucks.

John Leguizamo is giving the Lifetime Achievement Award to Glenn Miller and then introducing the NY Phil playing Leonard Bernstein. Can you imagine the meeting where they thought that up, wiping tears from their eyes, "O no, I've got a better one to talk about Glenn Miller, how about Nelly?" "No, wait, how about that Spic-a-Rama guy?" "Stop, stop, you're killing me! Well, let's at least have the NY Philharmonic play something from West Side Story, maybe it'll look like it makes a little bit of sense."

But John, if you want a mohawk, have a mohawk, combing your hair like that without shaving the sides just makes you look like a tiny infant child just out of the bath.

Okay, they have outdone themselves, Harvey Fierstein in drag with Rod Stewart holding a small dog. "Well, I know you like tall blondes, and for once, an age-appropriate one!"

Dear God, Robin Williams just won for Best Comedy Album. He'll be on forever. It'll definitely be a seven hour show now.

Jamie Lynn Siegler still hasn't grown her tits back from being anorectic, I see. She also appears to have played Belle for too long on Broadway, since she cannot seem to do anything but simper.

Avril Levine is on a little late for her fan group, the 6-10 year range. Actually, I dig her, but the fact that Molly is so into her means that her sell-by date is coming up soon.

And the winner of the prize given to the presenters who cannot even pretend to like each other for the five minutes that they are up there standing next to each other are: Eve and Fred Durst. Man, she looked like she was going to spit in his face.

Robin Williams again. Can you please get off, not every word that comes out of your mouth is golden! They never turn the microphones off the right ones.

Ha, Erykah Badu screwed up her announcement of Alan Lomax's Lifetime Achievement Award, but at least she acknowledged it! She stopped and said, "That's what I get for not coming to rehearsal!"

Okay, here is the Bee Gee's tribute that I apparently did not want to miss. Actually, it's not a bad tribute at all. Except that the clip bit wasn't all of it, now they are having N'Synch sing a Bee Gees medley. Complete with beat-boxing. Isn't that one of the signs of the Apocalypse? Well, it should be. A standing ovation? Hopefully it's for the memory of Maurice Gibb, not for those dolts on the stage.

Heavens! Norah Jones won Record of the Year! But Eminem just performed, what happened to the Just Performed factor? Admittedly, he didn't perform the song that was nominated, maybe that's it. I wish he had done "Without Me", I didn't much care for the one that he did perform.

Sheryl Crown and Kid Rock performing together? Is Pam standing on the sidelines giving her the evil eye? Who is Sheryl channeling with that look, Brigitte Bardot? Is she trying to prove that she can look as slutty as Pam even without the implants?

Alicia Keyes says that Best New Artist is one of the most exciting awards. I guess it's exciting to see who'll be the biggest has-been the fastest. O wait, it's Norah Jones, she's too talented to disappear.

This is cool, a Clash tribute by the supergroup of Elvis Costello, Bruce Springsteen, Dave Grohl and Little Steven. That's the best supergroup since I saw Bruce, Jackson Browne, Paul Simon, Lou Reed and Ruben Blades be the Belmonts for Dion. If they had tried to get N'Synch to do this tribute, Joe Strummer would have risen from the grave, wailing and clanking his chains in protest.

Album of the Year, Norah Jones again! Over Eminem, over Springsteen, that's really something. Not to mention, that's the end.

Today's horoscope:
The Stars are in the mood for practical jokes. Every time you get serious, some unrelated event brings down the house. Stop frowning and grimacing and you'll get the last laugh.

One year ago today:
Okay, that looks a little dramatic and I don't want to scare anyone, it's just the The It Factor is over and I am very sad!!

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Last Updated Mon 24 February 01:03:09 2003