So yesterday I did the press photo shoot for Le's play, Blue Alaska.

It has always been called Alaska before, but with the new rewrite comes a new title. It's a great play with hot gay sex and so on, so the press photos include Jesse all shirtless and sexy. Works for me.

It was not anything like the best photo shoot that I have ever done, but I managed to find a couple of decent shots to blow up and I got to hang around with Jesse with his shirt off for an hour or so, so it's all good. At one point he was asking me whether he should wear a shirt or just a wifebeater, and I told him that he had many years ahead of him where he would have to wear a shirt and that he should wear as little as possible until that day arrived.

And then it was closing night. And the show really kicked butt.

Part of what kicked butt was that they were really on top of their lines and their cues for once and there was even some goddamn overlapping, and we had a really big house who was really into it, and for me personally, it was because of my prep.

For the other three shows, my prep consisted of me standing behind the flat, imagining that I was Marilyn being raped by the other characters in the show, all of whom she has known her whole life. Saying to them, "No, please no, please stop Willie! Please, please, what are you doing, it's me, why are you doing this?" and getting myself all worked up that way, and it really worked well, but last night I decided to try something else.

Instead of being one step removed and thinking of the characters, I decided to relate it to me, if it were actually me and these actual men who are my friends, and they were raping me. Of course, of all of them the one that I know the best and am the closest to is Omar, and as soon as I imagined him not stopping and not stopping and looking at me as though he were someone else and as though he hated me, I burst into tears and could not stop.

The other good thing was that we started the show really late, getting that audience in, and I could not keep up with the hysterics as long as all that, so I actually ended up completely in the blank, catatonic state that I really needed to be when the lights came up.

It was extremely intense. More so than I could have possibly imagined. I'm certainly glad that I did it, but it was exhausting, so I'm glad that it was closing night and I don't have to do it again.

I told Omar about it during the intermission, and he said that my prep helped him as well, because when he was prodding and poking me in the black, the fact that I did not react at all pissed him off and fed his character and gave him something to work with.

Lorelei came to the show, and really liked it, thank goodness, so the fact that the rest of the family couldn't stand it did not taint her experience.

She told me how brave I was, but I didn't smack her, as she was really sweet about it. I told her that if she ever was given the opportunity to flash her beaver onstage to do it, because it absolutely rules.

Also Tracing and Sara Astruc came. Kate was supposed to be there, but something always happens when she tries to see one of my shows, and this time it was being stuck for six hours on the train from Philly.

While I was laying on the pool table during Cynthia's monologue, I heard the door buzzer ring, and thought o shit, that I always knew that one day I would crash headlong into someone on exit, but when I ran out the door I saw that the late audience members were standing in the hallway.

Those late audience members? Tracing and Sara's date. They missed my entire performance. So the winner of the Good True Friend of Kymm prize is Miss Sara Astruc. There is no runner-up. This was actually the first show of mine that Sara has seen, and I was like now you come see me in a show? Now, when I have a nine line role? And she answered, well, that only now could she manage to sit in an audience for two hours since now she has had her operation.

I'm so glad that everyone came to this performance, though, it so totally was the best. Even if they missed me (all but Good Sara), they saw a really kick-ass show.

Today's horoscope:
This week you'll get what you hoped for, although there's still another step between here and there. An honest effort can seem sloppy when the feeling is so evident.

One year ago today:
I look up, and his eyes are big and his braces are gleaming in the fluorescent light, and he can barely get the words out, pumping his little fists in the air for emphasis, "I just have to tell you...you hair...kicks ass!"

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Last Updated Sat 1 February 20:56:09 2003