God God God, no fair! This was the one morning I could sleep in and I went to sleep at 2.30a and woke up at 9a! 9!! A!!! In the morning!!!!

I could have slept until 11a, but no, 9a was all my body intended to sleep. I lay in bed and tried to doze for about 45 minutes, but to no avail. Bleh. I bet I'll be dragging my ass tomorrow at 8a but it will be too late then.

Elvis is sitting on my lap, sleeping and purring.

I'm watching him breathe and it's so much better than it was. He can jump up on the desk, he is bright-eyed and alert, he's eating and taking his medicine. He no longer looks sick at all, he just looks old. Monty has looked old for years. I keep marveling over the fact that he is not going to die now. He really truly isn't.

Yes yes yes, still filled with cancer, he won't live forever or anything like it, but I really think that in two weeks when Omar and I go to Lancaster, I'll have to bring him with me. It never occurred to me that he would live that long.

So yesterday was Valentine's Day, which was a nice day on which to perform a play about gang rape. There was a party after the show, an anti-Valentine's Day party, so we knew that we'd have a bigger house than we had the previous two performances, and we did, and the show rose up to the occasion.

Omar was on fire, from his very first line he was just so intense and strong that afterwards I was teasing him that clearly what he needed was someone telling him how badly he was performing so that he could go, "I'll show them!!"

It was a weird show for one reason, though, and that was because a former company member, a cast member from the original production of Boys came to the show drunk. Drunk, sitting in the front row and talking back to the cast. It was horrible, painful to see. Le gathered him into the back row for the second act and kept him quiet.

Afterwards, people were laughing about it, but I couldn't, it's just so terrible to see a friend like that, an actor and a good one, so trashed that he came to the theatre and talked back to the show.

I felt good in my scene as well, it really started taking off tonight. The boys are so good about pulling my hair and shoving me and pinching my hand before the lights come up that it really gives me a lot to work with. I really got into it last night, and was screaming and flailing so much, that only when I got offstage did I notice that I had torn my knuckle open and there was blood everywhere. Too cool.

The one thing that is making me crazy is people telling me how brave I am. I swan, if one more person comes up to me after the show with liquid eyes and trembling hands and tells me all intensely how brave my performance is, I'll have them for breakfast.

Fran saw the show last night, and when I got, home he said to me, "Nice performance, really nice work. And your pussy looked great!" That's what I want to hear, not about how goddamn brave I'm being. I'm not on the Battaan Death March, people, I'm just showing a little pink for Art's sake.

Showing your snatch on stage is not brave I swear, it isn't, it's easy as pie, so to speak. I've never done it before, and I was a little nervous thinking about it in the beginning, but actually it's really great. I've always been what I call a non-practicing exhibitionist--I never really exhibited anything, but I was into the idea. Now, honestly, I'm never going to wear underwear again.

If you are naked or partially naked on stage, you are the strongest one up there. You are in charge It is such an intense feeling. Also, off-stage, the guys treat you as a sexual being. Not in a nasty way, not at all, just Cynthia (who shows her tits) and I are really treated as though we are beautiful, attractive women. Fuckable women. Women to be flirted with. I never get treated that way, and I dig it the most.

Before the show, Omar was giving me a head massage, and I told him the joke that I told here and everywhere else about when I realized that after the reveal, when they all went to their seats, that he would be looking straight into my secret womanly place, and he said "That's exactly what I am doing!" "Well, you should be, and if you really aren't, I don't want to know about it." "Are you kidding? I've got it memorized!"

And of course, the best part is that while I am Being All Brave and flashing the world, I can make certain that a fold of my skirt is covering my tummy, because there are some things that just cannot be shown to the world, in the name of art or anything else.

After the show, Omar and I went to the party.

We were going to just sit quietly and have dinner together, but we were joined by this older couple that we know slightly. She's a playwright and did a reading of something of hers last year, and they met Omar at the Boxing Day party at our house that I missed due to being in California, and they sat behind us at Four Dogs and a Bone the other week. Also, they have been to Cuba, and Omar is Cuban.

Anyway, when they joined us we were both all "O no..." to ourselves about it, but it actually ended up being really fun. She's a hoot, very flighty and enthusiastic, while he is the sensible anchor grounding her. She and Omar would get really intense about the war or globalization, waving their arms about, and while he and I raised our eyebrows at each other.

I have the unlikely ability to argue any side of any question, not in order to play devil's advocate, but because I can really see the point of any side of any argument, no matter how completely and totally I disagree with said side, I can argue it. And if everyone is sporting the same opinion, I feel a little sorry for the side that nobody likes. So I went the pro-globalization route for awhile, much to everyone's consternation.

She wrote a play that is appearing in the finals of a one-act festival and invited us to go. We decided to go on Sunday night. Honestly, we are seeing so much theatre lately.

We also talked with Le for a bit, who said that he liked what he saw, though he was coming back to the show tonight since placating the drunk actor kept him busy and distracted.

Then he said, "I heard you're doing Suddenly Last Summer. That's a show I want to direct and I have very strong feelings about the casting!" Omar and I froze, because of course, not only is it already cast but everyone accepted and nearly everyone has been given scripts!

We told him our casting, and he was fine with everyone except for Cynthia, whom he said was too old for the part. I assured him that we had talked her into it and if he felt the need to put someone else in the role, that it wouldn't break her heart.

So if Le wants to direct the show, I guess I'm not doing it. And now we're going to have to think of something else that we really want to do this year, something for me to direct with good roles in it for Omar and Cynthia.

O, and then he started talking about Moon! My Moon For the Misbegotten that we thought we were doing in the fall, but he wants us to do it in June and in a more expensive theatre than Creative in specifically because the setup in that theatre means that we wouldn't have to build a set. But it would mean that we would have to bring in $850 worth of audience to the show. Which means that I would be calling in every favour known to man.

God, June! That's only four months away! I am so psyched.

After talking to Le, Omar and I left, as I can only keep him out so long before he starts turning into a pumpkin, and he walked me to the van.

As we said good night he said, "I'm glad that I spent Valentine's Day with you," which is a sentiment that if I've ever heard it at all, it hasn't been for years and years.

Today's horoscope:
You take an unusual approach to fixing what's broken. There's a twinkle in your eye and a method to your madness. If you can't convince others now, maybe they'll see it your way later on.

One year ago today:
Don't go into finance, people, don't go into accounting, trust me. Lord knows I never meant to go in myself, it was a complete shock to me the day I turned around and realized that not only was I in accounting, but I had been in accounting for five years.

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