26 December
Well, yesterday it started out as the worst Christmas of my life, but it ended up being pretty good. But when it started, when I got up the first thing that happened was I had a huge fight with my mother, and I burst into tears. While I was crying, I called Omar and left this hysterical message. And he didn't call me back.
So I think that might be it, I think I might be done. It's not a long distance call, we established that, but even if it was, there are other phones he could have called me from, and he did not.
He may have emailed me, I don't know, because in the middle of the afternoon the phone stopped working and as I write this, it's still not working, but frankly? I don't care. An hysterical phone call does not get answered by an email.
I'm there for him and there for him and there for him, but he is not there for me. He has made it abundantly clear that he is not there for me, I cannot complain that this comes out of nowhere.
So therefor, I am done. I reserve the right to change my mind if given more information, especially since he is, in fact, the love of my life, and my being done with him means that I choose to live my life without that. It's a tough thing to make that decision and make it stick, and he has the power to make me completely change my mind.
I want to marry him. I want to have his children. I want to spend my life walking by his side. But right now? I'm done.
Convalescent
How shall I wail, that wasn't meant for weeping?
Love has run and left me, oh, what then?
Dream, then, I must, who never can be sleeping;
What if I should meet Love, once again?What if I met him, walking on the highway?
Let him see how lightly I should care.
He'd travel his way, I would follow my way;
Hum a little song, and pass him there.What if at night, beneath a sky of ashes,
He should seek my doorstep, pale with need?
There could he lie, and dry would be my lashes;
Let him stop his noise, and let me read.Oh, but I'm gay, that's better off without him;
Would he'd come and see me, laughing here.
Lord! Don't I know I'd have my arms about him,
Crying to him, "Oh, come in, my dear!"-Dorothy Parker
Today's
horoscope:
An act of spite is bad news unless you get it right the first time. The basis of a friendship now seems to be its central irritation. Focus on things for a while if people no longer make sense.
One year ago today:
It was funny to look around and see what the other people in Vons at 10a on Christmas morning were getting. Nobody was getting more than two or three things, like salsa and sour cream and soy milk.
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Last Updated Thurs 25 December 21:56:09 2003