My mother is driving me crazy. And when I say that my mother is driving me crazy, I mean that my mother is driving me crazy. That I will actually go crazy. Probably during my one month at home, that I am dreading at this point.

It's this constant haranguing, this constant nagging, this never ending list of things to do, and did I do this and did I do that and when am I going to do the other and it's exhausting and it's tiresome and it makes me dread her phone calls.

And it will never end. She'll always be trying to get me to do things and she will always be trying to live my life for me and she will never rest until I am living my life exactly as she would have lived it, were she me. And even then she still won't. And there isn't a goddamn thing I can do about it but take it.

Anyway, now that that's said, I saw my man yesterday for the first time since we saw that cutting movie a few weeks ago that sort of sent him into another spiral (Jesus he's fragile, like nitroglycerine sometimes), we finally got together with Moira to read through Flora, Horror and Java, the show that we are doing together.

It was the first time that we have ever read it aloud in front of anyone else, and some things really didn't work at all, but others did great and I think it's going to be a fine show.

This was also the first time we saw each other since I said that I would take a step back, and I was wondering how that would work out, if it would be weird. And it was weird, but it was okay.

It's the first time that we were sitting together and being together with nothing sexual happening between us. We weren't touching, but neither were we not touching, if he happened to touch it was fine, but we weren't reaching out. No hand-holding, no cuddling, just sitting together and being together without anything else, and obviously that's the way it has to be right now.

We went home on the bus together, meaning that I took his bus and got off at the end of Park and walked home six blocks or so, and right before I got off, we kissed goodnight, and that was where it all flared up again, on both sides might I add, but that was okay, too. We can be together like this for awhile.

As I was walking home, I called him and asked if we were going to see each other again before I go home for Christmas, and he said that he still wanted to see that movie with me, so we decided to go out together on Wednesday. That'll be weird, seeing a movie without being wrapped around each other, but it'll be good to see him again so soon. I never want to go that long again without seeing him, though when I'm in California for a month it's likely.

Today's horoscope:
The old ways may be unfashionable, but they're still fine with Virgo. Follow your conscience. Within the next few days, there will be plenty of time to follow your heart.

One year ago today:
My hands smell like developer. And yes, that means that I spent yesterday in the darkroom. I did, in fact, wash them since yesterday, but since I also spent today in the darkroom, I still get that big whiff every time I wave my hands around. Which happens more often than you might think, sitting alone in my apartment.

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Last Updated Fri 12 December 16:55:09 2003