I was crying this morning for the first time this very complex week. I remembered that he told me that he has headaches a lot, that almost every morning he wakes up with a headache, but last weekend, in Lancaster, with me, he woke up clear and rested and without a headache.

And I want to beat him on the head and say, "Isn't that a hint? Don't you get it? But that would probably give him a headache.

If I could see the end, if I could see into the future, I don't think I'd do anything different. Of course, I don't know, it's easy to say a thing like that when it's not actually possible, my speaking to my psychic on Wednesday notwithstanding, (when did I turn into the person who can say the term "my psychic" and "my astrologer" with a straight face?), but just like when I said if I never saw him again, I would never feel any different, even if this is going to end up being a gigantic disaster, there is only one road.

I feel like that fairy tale where the servant put iron bands around his heart to keep it from breaking, o here, I found it (I love the net).

**Faithful Henry had been so unhappy when his master was changed into a frog, that he had caused three iron bands to be laid round his heart, lest it should burst with grief and sadness. The carriage was to conduct the young King into his kingdom. Faithful Henry helped them both in, and placed himself behind again, and was full of joy because of this deliverance. And when they had driven a part of the way, the King's son heard a cracking behind him as if something had broken. So he turned round and cried, "Henry, the carriage is breaking."

"No, master, it is not the carriage. It is a band from my heart, which was put there in my great pain when you were a frog and imprisoned in the well." Again and once again while they were on their way something cracked, and each time the King’s son thought the carriage was breaking; but it was only the bands which were springing from the heart of faithful Henry because his master was set free and was happy.**

Yeah, all that master stuff isn't quite what I mean, but hey, the Brothers Grimm wrote that, not me. It fits pretty good otherwise.

Speaking of my astrologer, I dropped her an email congratulating her on the birth of her son, and when she answered, she said "happy birthday btw! this year should be super for you -- take some bigggggg chances!" To which I answered, "That's good, because it's shit now!" I blinked, you see.

On her Virgo page for this month it says, "The moon is in your sun sign on August 1, and again on August 27 and 28, right after the new moon. Since it’s the start of your birthday month, pay VERY close attention to the personalities who loom large during those two days." Whom do you suppose she could possibly mean by that? That's a toughy. I'll have to think it over.

And on her main Boston Phoenix page, she said for this week, "And Jupiter moves into Virgo, where it will stay for the next 13 months. This means Virgins embark on a year to remember (yes, that’s good news!). Forget self-effacement; ask for everything you’ve ever wanted. (Read about this on the sun-signs section of the Web page.) Finally, the moon goes from new to first quarter, so it’s an excellent week for clean starts, no matter how tentative."

Clean start. Ask for everything you've ever wanted. A year to remember. Starting...now.

Today's horoscope:
You're a champion in the intellectual world. Physical challenges are easily met and conquered. Genius and prowess take you far beyond your starting point. It's only natural that you would be well equipped.

One year ago today:
She is me, I am a Hughes as well as a Holland, a Meerbergen and a Zuckert, and it's shameful that I know nothing about her.

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Last Updated Mon 4 August 11:09:09 2003