BLACKOUT 2003!!!

So yesterday I was hanging out on the computer and downloading music and wilting in the heat when, around 4p, the electricity browned out, then blacked out. Ten seconds later, it came back, then repeated the brownout, blackout chachacha, but this time the electricity stayed off.

Now, we get blackouts all the time round our way, so I didn't even turn off my computer to save the battery until it got down to 17% and it was still dark. I was getting bored, so I decided just to shower and go into the city early for the show.

I walked to the van stop, passing people standing out on the street talking on cell phones. I had no service, myself, but AT&T tends to be fairly shitty and I didn't think anything of it. Some kids passed me on bikes yelling, "What do you think of the power outage?" but by the time I figured out that they were talking to me, they had passed.

As I was waiting for the van, a guy came up to me and asked whether I was waiting for the bus, because "The tunnel is closed!" "Really? Why?" "Because of the blackout!" "It's in New York, too?" Apparently, his bus had been turned around at the tunnel. As he told me this, the van pulled up, so I thanked him and got on the van anyway, just in case it was open now.

It wasn't, of course. I live only blocks from the tunnel, so it wasn't much of a trip before we got to the traffic backed up and the driver announced that he was turning around and going home. "But I have to get to the Bronx!" one guy said, "Can't you take us to the ferry?" asked a woman, "I'm not a taxi!" answered the driver. I went back to my stop and got off and went back home. I figured that if there was no electricity in New York, it was unlikely that there'd be a show, so they wouldn't so much need a box office manager.

As I was walking down the street, I ran into my end of the block neighbour, the one whom I only see when there is a blizzard or some other disaster, and he told me that the outage was not only in New York and Weehawken, but all the way to Michigan! That it was, in fact, BLACKOUT 2003!!!

I went back into the house and passed the children, sleeping on the sofa looking as though they had been shot, ran upstairs to tell Cynthia about BLACKOUT 2003!!!, but she had already heard. Apparently, George saw it on the TV in Missouri and called Le who called Cynthia. The only way to find out about what's going on in a disaster area is to not be in it.

As I was talking to her, the phone rang. She answered it and started to laugh, "You're making sales calls now? Are you on the west coast?" Apparently, some poor sod in Edison, NJ was forced to make calls saying, "What better time to think about refinancing than during a blackout?" Or rather, during BLACKOUT 2003!!!

I decided to go down to the car and listen to the radio. Mayor Bloomberg was giving a press-conference, thrilled at the opportunity to be all Rudy-like in the face of disaster. He said that something blew up in Canada and that the power should be back on in a few hours and everyone should really just cancel their evening plans and stay home, and for heaven's sake turn off their air conditioners so that when the power came back on it won't immediately blow again.

I think the whole thing is the fault of the air conditioner people anyway. We haven't got any air conditioners in my house. We are blameless. Hot, but blameless.

So I made myself dinner on my gas stove with some of the melting meat in my freezer and sat outside and read. Why be inside in the hot dark house when I could be outside in the air and light? Well, because of the fucking mosquitos, that's why.

I swear to God, the mosquitos have made an evolutionary leap in my backyard, they are huge and green and striped, not to mention ballsy and smart and hard to kill. They'll land on your hand right in front of your eyes, and fly away like the wind when you try to smack them. In fact, if you don't smush them completely, if you wing them, they just fly away, laughing. They are Iron Mosquitos. One was even on Monty's face as he wandered around the backyard, just sitting between his eyes. The nerve!

As the sun disappeared, I could no longer concentrate on reading, so distracted was I by the skeeties, so I went back inside. I think I have at least twenty new bites. This is my BLACKOUT 2003!!! story. I itch. Actually, before that I walked down to the store to take some melting ice cream off of their hands, because I'm all thoughtful that way. And also because I forgot how sick ice cream makes me in large quantities. That is the rest of my BLACKOUT 2003!!! story, I was itchy and my stomach hurt. Also, I was bored.

I went inside, lit a candle, read for awhile and occasionally checked my messages. Omar rang me about 7.45p to see that I was alright, and I called him back but only left a message. Then I checked down my cell phone phone book and called Helene, the first person that I came across whom I both wanted to talk to and lived outside the blackout area. We talked for about an hour.

Towards the end of the call, Fran came home at last, so when I hung up I went upstairs to listen to Fran's story. Five hours it took him to get home, four of which were spent waiting for the ferry. I'm so jealous! I don't have a good BLACKOUT 2003!!! story! Of course, when it comes right down to it, I'm perfectly happy that I wasn't waiting for the ferry for four hours in the heat, but I'd like to tell the story that I was.

Then I went downstairs and went to sleep before midnight. Now I know why they went to sleep so early in pioneer days, it was because they were bored.

Just before 6a, I heard my printer make noise and knew that the power was back on, so I got up and turned off the TV, because when power is interrupted, it's not actually possible to turn the TV off. Then I went back to sleep, thrilled at the idea that there would be light and TV today.

I'm watching the news and it said, "Next on Live at Five, toughing it out! Gabe Pressman with blackout survival stories that people will be telling their grandchildren!" Why didn't Gabe interview me? "Granny, do you remember where you were during BLACKOUT 2003!!!?" "Well, little Billy, here is a story that will chill you to the marrow: I was in the backyard eating ice cream and being sucked dry by mosquitos! Wait, come back! Where are you going? Those mosquitos were huge!"

Think that horoscope below could possibly be worse? I don't!

Today's horoscope:
Squeeze one last speculative drop from uncertain times. As the hours pass, you sense a decision other than the one you wanted. Heed an early warning to protect yourself from future hardship.

One year ago today:
"Hm, do I want some of the arm, or the leg, or the tummy? What the hell, I'll take all three! Damn, my eyes were bigger than my proboscis, there."

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Last Updated Fri 15 August 18:00:09 2003