I'm vaguely hoping that I'll be sleeping normally again sometime soon. I hate not being able to sleep and being tired all day. I don't care for naps, they make me feel stupid and lazy, so when I don't sleep enough at night all I can do the next day is be dreamily unhappy.

It's not that I'm depressed or anything, I'm really fine, if not overwhelmed with joy, it's just that I have a bedtime ritual and I didn't know that I needed it to sleep. Well, that looked dirty, but it's not, it's just thinking about him, and now thinking about him isn't particularly restful.

Actually, that's not true, it's not that it's not restful, it's that there isn't anything to think of. I usually think of future possibilities, but now I can't do that, instead I see a wall of fog covered in question marks, and thinking of future possibilities is like thinking of lies and I have to wait for the next page to turn before I can start making things up again.

And there's nothing else to think of. So I can't sleep. And when I do sleep, I dream weird dreams, someone else's dreams, I think, because I have to go to sleep thinking someone else's thoughts, and I wake up early and can't go back to sleep, so the days last way too long. Also, it's hot. Which isn't helping.

I had a meeting with Kelly yesterday re A Doll's House.

We went over the cast, Omar as Torvald, if he still wants to do it, Vanessa as Mrs. Lindt, Jon as the doctor, which he's certain to turn down but what the hell, Ann as the Nurse, also likely to turn down, some guy named Gregg as the Krogstadt. And Kelly is Nora, of course, as it's her special project.

I hope Omar will still do the show, Kelly is not entirely certain over the idea, since she thinks that they have more of a brother/sister vibe, but that's mostly because they have never played together in roles that have to be sexual together. He's never turned that heat on her, she has no idea what that'll be like. It'll blow her our of her shoes.

I hope he says yes. I hope he doesn't let out personal travails affect our professional relationship. If I've lost my favourite actor, my heart will break.

Finished the completely wonderful Otherwise Engaged, though I do feel as though I was slightly duped by it. It was so funny and light and it drew me in as something that I wouldn't make me think, but as it went on it sneakily started including things like depth and drama and so on, until I found myself sniffling away. I felt a bit submarined, but loved it so much that I forgave it.

Helene suggested the other book by the same author, The Zygote Chronicles. I'll get it in September when I'm allowed to buy things for myself again.

My birthday is in thirteen days. It certainly has the capability of being the worst birthday of my life. Besides that one where I had explosive diarrhea. Fortunately, though, there isn't a chance that it'll be as bad as Beth's was this year.

Thanks, Beth, for setting that bar so high!

Today's horoscope:
Your creative mind is doing a good job. Find a suitable random element and pull it into your system. Once you transcribe that idea into hard copy, it's yours forever.

One year ago today:
What a mountain to climb. I'm glad that I have a month off before starting it, as I am burnt, but I can feel it building up inside of me. By the time October comes, I'll be simply levitating to start.

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Last Updated Sun 10 August 12:20:09 2003