These were supposed to be my days off, I was supposed to be resting. But every day there are meetings and assignations and appointments and so on, and all I can think is how unfair it all is.

The fact that most of the things that I am doing are things that I really want to do has nothing to do with anything, not to mention the fact that if I actually was hanging around the house doing nothing, I would probably end up being entirely miserable. I have no intention of being sensible about this.

So yesterday Cynthia and I went to see Swimming Pool (extremely good), and then got together with Peter Rabbit for dinner.

I've missed him so much, he really is someone that I regretted letting fall out of my life, so when we saw each other at the French last week, we programmed each others cell numbers into our phones, and I rang him on Thursday and we went out last night and had a blast.

We had dinner, then went to a very nice gay bar that was a tiny bit too loud, but I was still able to shout my latest saga into his shell-like ear and be generally heard. When we're together, we never stop talking, and we had five years of catching up to do. We may not have managed it. We may need to see each other again.

My nails are getting so long that it's getting a little tricky to type with them.

I grew them for the photo shoot that he and I were going to do, just like he was growing his hair out for me. Of course, now I don't know whether we'll be taking those pictures. It's all such limbo right now, we had all of these plans and I have no idea whether we will be doing any of them. Are we going to Lancaster for my birthday? Does he still want to play Torvald? What about Rose Tattoo? What about Tchotchkes? What about Monsieur le Chat?

I am not assuming that any of these things will come to pass now, though neither am I assuming that any of them won't be. I'm not canceling the car reservation or thinking of other Torvalds or cutting my long red nails. I'm just waiting to see what happens.

Waiting to exhale.

Tracing said to me:

"It's like two people on either sides of a river with a bridge in between. And they have to meet in the middle. And you've walked to the middle. Now you have to wait for him to join you there. You can't pull him to you, and you can't go and get him. You just have to wait."

She is of course right, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to climb over the rail and drop into the water every so often.

Today's horoscope:
Look forward to an active moment. You have a long list of projects, but don't be surprised if people come first. You see the good qualities in everyone. You might fall in love many times these days.

One year ago today:
The air conditioning is extremely noisy, but must be on so that the audience doesn't melt into a pool of goo (there's a good deal less applause when they do)...

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Last Updated Sat 9 August 11:35:09 2003