Five more days before Easter. Five more days of Lent. Five more days until I can goddamn read everyone who decided to come off of hiatus while I wasn't reading (yes, I'm speaking to you, Melissa, Byrne, Jen, Kate, Jackie Collins and now Cameron!). Thank God for Jones Soda and Etiquette Hell.

I am trying very very hard not to sink into a massive depression, but I don't know if it will be possible not to, now.

I mean, it breaks my heart that the show is over and that I can't do it anymore. I loved playing that role and doing that show, and not only because I got to rub Omar's dick every night, it really was an amazing experience to be able to be that sexually free. I don't get to play these incredibly sexual roles usually, in life or onstage.

But that's not so much the problem, the problem is that Omar has gone away from me. I emailed him in the morning to thank him for that bite, and he said that it was not premeditated but it was heartfelt and that he'd see me at the Moon reading on the 26th. And I said that that is two weeks from now, that certainly we'd see each other before that, right?

Then I asked him if he wanted to finally see Willard before going to Lancaster for Easter, and he said that he couldn't and that he would be incommunicado for awhile. Which means that he really doesn't want to see or talk to me for two weeks.

And the depression that was threatening all day fell into my lap and wrapped itself around my shoulders and made itself at home. The Wild Mouse is back. I went to the supermarket because I knew that I needed to get food, but I couldn't figured out a thing that I wanted to eat. I ended up getting some things that I know that I usually like.

And then I cried myself to sleep last night. Or rather I cried for hours, unable to sleep, until I finally exhausted myself enough to sleep. It's going to be a really long two weeks. Especially since I have a feeling that when I do see him I'll burst into tears or spit in his eye, so who knows if it'll be any better when this exile is over.

Today's horoscope:
What seemed natural starts feeling compulsive. Adjust your sights to a more appropriate level. You're not in trouble yet, although you're acting as if trouble is what you want.

One year ago today:
Then I walked out into the sunshine, in full uniform. Let the summer start, I'm ready!

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Last Updated Wed 16 April 22:09:09 2003