23 May
So, here at work we are having the Signature Wars, which are completely hilarious.
It all started with Linus, the CFO, leaving last week, which means that we are no longer using his signature stamp, and thus the three remaining signatories are having to sign everything by hand.
Of course, we need a new stamp, and the Former Sales Rep King is the one that will be on it. When I went into the Lord God King of Accounting's office, I saw a paper with the Former Sales Rep King's signature on it four times.
"What's this?"
"It's for the new stamp."
"Why did he sign it four times?"
"He was trying to get his signature to be more manly."
"And which one is the manliest?"
"The last one."
"Ah yes, you can tell by looking at the A on that one that he has an enormous penis!"
So, while we are waiting for the stamp, those two were doing the signing, but now that Jim is back from vacation, he's doing the signing rather than the Former Sales Rep King. Now Jim has the hugest signature on earth, it's comically big, John Hancock has nothing on ol' Jim, and the Lord God King of Accounting is complaining that Jim's signature makes his look too small!
Then, I was in with Jim, having him sign things, and he said:
"From now on, I only want to sign checks that the Lord God King of Accounting has signed first, because I like writing all over his name."
"Well, he doesn't want to sign with you because you dwarf him."
"Did you tell him about when I tore through the check yesterday, because I am so filled with testosterone?"
"Yeah, that practically blew me through the back wall!"
I am telling you, these boys and their signatures-as-dicks are so funny! Of course, they are only joking, but I don't think that they are joking as much as they are pretending to be joking. It's all a big sword-fight around here, dicks drawn at dawn.
So at rehearsal last night, Tony came into the room with a strange woman.
"Um, Ayse quit?"
"Didn't you check your messages?"
"I rarely do."
"I called you this morning and said that we lost her but I'd find someone else, and then I called you back and said that Carrie had agreed to do it!"
"And who's playing the boy?"
"That would be me."
So we ran it in this tiny little room where we could barely move, and you know what? It was better than it ever had been before. Carrie was better on the first reading than Ayse ever was, and she was pretty good. It's one of those weird things, where a disaster ends up making the play so much better.
And Tony will be fine as my son. It's a sight gag, if nothing else, since he's this hefty black guy.
He's not real big on the directing, though. As I said before, he clearly cannot multi-task, but that was what I said when he was reading in the role without acting it. It only occurred to me that he hasn't actually been directing, either, he's been a placeholder as both actor and director. He only ever gave notes once, at the rehearsal where we had Brian, and it was about one note each.
He's pretty damned lucky that I'm self-sufficient as an actor.
In fact, I started ordering him around. "If you move on the line, I will kill you!" And now, he will not be moving on that line.
And yes, I did in fact get another copy of Army of Darkness. No extras, but the right ending. It's like some sort of hideous trick, forcing everyone to have six copies each of the trilogy, as everything has different extras.
Or, in this case, no extras at all. And I'm damn glad of it.
Apparently, Byrne is alive! Unless Cindy, in fact, killed him and is now forging the entry, but I do think that's a little energetic.
Lenten entries missed:
Melissa attempted to save my soul, experienced the joy that is Late Night Insta-Stress, showed us how she dresses up for sex games (okay, that's a joke, but it should get you alot of hits, Melissa!), bought her wedding ring and mentioned how it was surprisingly easy. This phrase will come back to haunt her in the future. Anyway, she also quit her job, and shopped for her wedding dress.
Today's
horoscope:
You're both highly creative and quite focused today. Choose a new, fascinating project and take the first step to bring it to fruition.
One year ago today:
A script is like Japanese flower arranging, sometimes what you leave out is what makes it work.
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Last Updated Sat 1 June 12:29:09 2002