Thoughts while watching the Independent Spirit Awards. These thoughts were thought on Saturday, by the way, as you will notice because I refer to the Oscars as something that haven't actually occurred yet, but I didn't have room for it until just now.

Also, fuck all happened yesterday, so that worked out well.

Hey, I've never done these before, but this was my first year commenting on the Grammys as well, so I wouldn't want them to feel left out.

I love the way everyone is acting like they are so cool and not snobby and they don't wear fancy designer clothes or even neckties in most of their cases, but in one shot of the people entering, you can see the street choked with limos. They'll pretend to be just like you and me, but they ain't driving themselves to an awards show.

The host is John Waters, who's "forgotten more about sexual deviance and fashion crimes than most people will ever know."

"Welcome to the 17th Annual IFP West Independent Spirit Awards, the awards show that seems to believe that David Lynch is too commercial this year. Where a feel-good movie about a child molester with a hard-on of gold wins the most nominations. An awards show that celebrates what will come in 6th at the Oscars. And to top it all off, you have me, a mentally ill host who wishes that someone would streak him tonight!"

An awards show with its own on-stage DJ, now that's a thing I've never seen before.

Gillian Anderson is giggly and bubbly, a thing never seen in public before. Must be because that bitch Joan Rivers is nowhere to be seen at this awards show.

Okay, the Spirit Awards are now officially better than the Oscars, since Steve Buscemi was not only nominated for Best Supporting Male, but won!

Another difference between the Oscars and the Spirit Awards? You would be much less likely to hear a baby howling in the background during the hosts' witty banter.

And Ghost World wins for Best First Screenplay! They keep showing Thora Birch in the audience, and she looks like she lost about thirty pounds and dyed her hair blonde. What a horrifying sight. Come back, dark-haired, slightly pudgy Thora! Come back from the dark side!

Peter Falk is giving the John Cassavetes Awards, formerly known as the Best Movie for $500,000, but re-named this year. This audience is so independent that every single mention of Cassavetes' name elicits wild applause.

The award should have been re-named "Best Film That Nobody But the Families of the Filmmakers Have Ever Heard Of".

This is the only awards show where the nominees can applaud for themselves with impunity, they won't look like they think they are so big, because nobody knows what the hell they look like.

The IFP West woman is now spending twenty minutes giving a shout-out to every single person in the room, and knocking Hollywood films. I think it's foolish to say that Hollywood films are heartless and empty and independent films are filled with soul and integrity, even though that can often be true, but just because something is paid for with studio money doesn't mean that the people making it aren't trying to say something real, and just because something is made by some kid for $5000 doesn't mean that it can't be meaningless and as filled with inertia as the best of them.

And Memento wins Best Screenplay! I hope that both screenplay awards will be replicated at the Oscars.

The little boy from L.I.E. won for Best Debut Performance, and this massive adolescent came hulking onto the stage. I guess that just goes to show how long it took them to sell the film after they made it!

Ben Kingsley: "Without supporting actors, every film would be Swimming to Cambodia."

Carrie-Ann Moss won for Best Supporting Female for Memento, I'm so pleased, it was such strong, layered performance.

John Waters: "And why is it that the directors are the only commentaries on most DVDs, isn't it getting a little cliched? Why not use the editor's voice, 'Can't this hack of a director match a shot? You should have seen the footage that I had to work with! I saved this film!' How about the craft service people, we never get to hear from them. Imagine what they'd say, 'To hell with food issues, that asshole isn't allergic to salt, I put some in her food yesterday, she didn't die, die she? Eat what you're served, ingrate!' "

In the middle of John Waters' speech they did a cutaway to Uma Thurman, apparently leaning over to vomit. Isn't she pregnant? There's another thing you don't see at the Oscars, puking stars.

Diane Lane and Andy Garcia are presenting and look as though they are up there with guns to their head. Alright, you're trying to get a little indy cred, but you are actors, act as if you want to be here or stay the hell home! Actually it looks like they had a fight right before going up there. People in charge, take notes, don't put Diane Lane and Andy Garcia together again!

Amelie wins Best Foreign Film, proving that even independent filmmakers love a cute little Parisian girl with a spoon.

Joe Pantoliano just announced that Andy and Diane are going to appear together in his film Just Like Mona! Wow, that'll be a fun set.

I just realized that we are an hour and a quarter into this thing, and there have been no commercials. Which means that if it lasts the two and a half hours billed, it will be nearly as long as the Oscars minus commercials!

Ian McKellen was just announced as being this year's ShoWest's Male Star of Tomorrow. Wow, he sure got that in time, the man is nearly 63 years old, how many more tomorrows has he got?

Tom Wilkinson wins Best Male Lead for In the Bedroom! Get that speech out, baby, you won't be giving it at the Oscars!

Seeing the skate punks from Best Documentary Dogtown and Z-Boys onstage accepting an award makes me wonder whatever happened to the kids from Streetwise. It was what, 17-18 years ago, are any of them still alive? Is Tiny?

And Christopher Nolan wins Best Director for Memento! Poor John Cameron Mitchell, always a nominee, never a bride.

Shit, Best First Feature is quite a category, Ghost World, In the Bedroom, L.I.E.. Everytime they'd name a nominee, I'd think that that one was obviously the winner, until they said the next one.

And it's In the Bedroom! Not bad for a first feature, getting that cast. The director just pronounced "indefatigable" as "in-deh-fuh-TEE-gah-buhl". Isn't it "in-deh-FAH-ti-gah-buhl"? Have I been pronouncing it wrong all of these years? Does he know that he said it wrong? Or is it like I say "ex-CRETE-able" instead of "EX-ecrible" on purpose.

Leelee Sobieski is a real Amazon, Vondi Curtis-Hall, whom I have always thought was a large-ish man, is dwarfed beside her. Though this is certainly the pot calling the kettle tall, as I think I may be taller than Leelee. Yep, I just looked her up, she's only 5'9".

Hey, the winner of whatever that award was brought up his wife and baby, I guess that's the one that's been fussing all night! You try to bring a baby into the Oscars, just see what would happen, the guards would swat it to the ground as you attempted entrance.

I am shocked that neither of the actresses from Mulholland Drive weren't even nominated here, those performances both blew my mind, especially since they both played more than one character. But Sissy Spacek would have won anyway! If she and the two screenplays win at the Oscars, will that mean that the Oscars are getting more independent or the Spirits are getting less so?

I find it interesting that two of the most nominated pictures, Things Behind the Sun and The Believer both ended up on cable TV instead of being released theatrically.

And Memento wins Best Feature, yay! And there is still 40 minutes left of this show. How will they fill it? I guess they needed some musical numbers or something. Or clip packages!

Today's horoscope:
You find yourself concentrating on self-improvement themes today, but be wary of falling into excessive self-criticism.

One year ago today:
"I went to see Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, but was disappointed, because I could not see any tigers or dragons, but then I realized that it was because they were crouching and hidden!"

* Yesterday / Index / This Month / Tomorrow *

E-Mail

Graphics by the wildly exotic Saundra!

This page was written by hand. My hand. Only pussies use HTML editors.
Last Updated Sun 31 March 18:18:09 2002