So yesterday, after work, I stopped at a grocery store not too far from work that I have never been to before, but I always like going to new places to see if they have something that I love that is hard to find, and I was having a wander around, and I thought I'd go to the soup aisle to continue my fruitless quest to find the elusive Campbell's Chicken and Dumplings Soup, and I practically fell over when there it was, by golly!

Campbell's Chicken and Dumplings Soup mixed with Campbell's Chicken and Stars Soup was my absolute favourite soup when I was a kid, but it completely disappeared from Los Angeles stores when I was in high school, to my dismay. Years later, when I moved to Brooklyn, I did see it occasionally at a store half a mile from my house, but that was the only reason that I knew that the soup was still in production, though since I have moved away I have not seen it again.

I joyfully grabbed six cans, and when the cashier said to me, "How are you today?"
I answered, "Great, since I found this soup that I haven't seen in twenty years!"
(peering at the can) "Go to Kansas."
"What?"
"You can get this in Kansas!"
"You mean that it hasn't been seen in New York, New Jersey or Los Angeles for twenty years because Kansas is hogging it all?"
"Yep, I just moved here from Kansas and I can tell you, it's all over the place there!"

So apparently, Kansans are just sloshing through the streets hip-deep in Campbell's Chicken and Dumplings Soup, while those of us on the various coasts have been shit out of luck!

Midwestern hospitality, my ass.

Recently, they keep testing our alarm system at work, and every time they do that, they always make an announcement to disregard all alarms. Which is fine, except that the guy they have making the announcements has a thick Russian accent and a barely contained sense of hysteria.

"Disregard all alarms! Disregard all alarms!" he shrieks, as though he's got a gun to his head. I expect him to say, "For the love of God!" at some point. It reminds me of Kevin McCarthy Invasion of the Body Snatchers, running down the streets, wild-eyed, screaming:

"Look! You fools! You're in danger! Can't you see? They're after you! They're after all of us! Our wives…our children…they're here already! You're next!"

Maybe I'm over-amused by this guy yelling into our overhead paging system, but hey, I've got to keep myself entertained at work somehow.

From Primetime Glick, Jiminy talking to Jay Mohr:

JAY
Are you really married, Jiminy?

JIMINY
Yes I am.

JAY
I think that's fantastic.

JIMINY
I've been married for 23 years to the wonderful Dixie, Dixie Levy. She was what we called back then, and you're not allowed to say it anymore, she was a Jewess. And then we both converted to Buddhism. But in the old days, everyone said "What's a Presbyterian boy like you dating a Jewess?" and I'd said to, and you know I'd look them back, and these were my parents, and I'd look them right in the face and say, "Well, what do you want me to do, she's pregnant!"

Another hilarious link from Gael, The Deadly Follies of Stick Figure Warning-Man and Family.

Today's horoscope:
A change in recreation is highlighted--a brainstorm about a new activity or place to try. Be original and inventive!

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Last Updated Sun 31 March 20:17:09 2002