I got the TiVo remote that Ivee is lending me! Hooray! I opened the box and I pointed it at the set and...nothing.

Nothing! I about put my head through the wall! Days and days of the nightmare that is no TiVo remote, of having to watch shows all in a row without any skipping of commercials or rewinding if I miss something, then it arrives and it is like pointing a wooden spoon at the box and expecting the channel to change!

The horror! The horror!

So I called DirecTV and was on hold for half an hour and then was switched to TiVo and was on hold for twenty minutes and then was told that they couldn't help me because the office that I needed to talk to wasn't open yet. It's a conspiracy.

But I am sure that there is a way to program the remote to recognize my TiVo box, God couldn't be so unkind.

And special thanks to my friend Tony for sending me these two Get Fuzzy comics. Clearly, it wasn't attacking because the remote needed programming! It's all becoming clear...

I saw Mayor Bloomberg on TV the other day and realized that I couldn't have picked him out of a police lineup if I had had a gun to my head. Is it a law that after the Distinctive Mayor you have to have the Drab Mayor? We had Dull Dinkins after ol' "How'm I Doin'" Koch, so clearly it's a trend.

I just looked, and I had typed Drag rather than Drab up there, which would have made for a much different theory than the one that I was proposing. And besides, Rudy was the Drag Mayor on at least two well-documented occasions, so it would have also been a wildly incorrect theory.

Also, I just had to look up the spelling of Bloomberg's name, and when I did I realized that I didn't actually know that his first name is Michael! Man, this is one mayor that could be replaced by a gallon of strawberry ice cream and nobody would notice, because nobody is paying the slightest attention to the man.

And by "nobody is paying attention" I mean "I am not paying attention" because I am all of New York. In case you haven't gotten the memo.

Today's horoscope:
A quiet sharing in the home brings loving support. Don't be afraid to seek a little reassurance. Strengthen emotional bonds.

One year ago today:
"I had to sign a paper explaining why I wanted your birth certificate, and I explained that it is because my daughter is an idiot."

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Last Updated Wed 20 March 23:48:09 2002