Well, since the only thing that really happened today was one of my co-workers getting sick and being taken away in an ambulance, which certainly is not my story to tell, I will instead talk about what I watched on TV last night, AFI 100 Years 100 Passions.

I have somehow managed not to have ever watched any of the other AFI specials, of which I think there have been about 500, one on the 100 greatest movies, one on the 100 scariest movies, one on the 100 funniest movies, one on the 100 most boring movies, etc, etc, and now here are the 100 greatest love stories, movie-wise.

100. Jerry Maguire

I think I need to see this movie again, because I realize that it is a romantic comedy, but that's not what I remember about it. It certainly is the longest romantic comedy ever made. Romantic comedies need to be no more than 100 minutes, not over two hours--the rhythm just felt off because of that. Romantic dramas can be as long as your arm, but since all comedies should be short, romantic comedies lose the comedy if they get too sprawling.

99. Pillow Talk

I last saw any Doris Day/Rock Hudson movie back in the Million Dollar Movie, at 3p on channel 11 after I got home from school. Also, the last time I saw any beach party movies. I should probably go back and watch them again, I'll bet I missed most of the innuendo!

98. The Hunchback of Notre Dame

Saw it in high school, wept like someone was breaking my fingers one by one all the way through it, so much so that afterwards someone said to me, "It's only a movie!" No such thing as only a movie.

97. Grease

Okay, yeah, I do love this movie, but listening to the dim Rosario Dawson talk about how great it was to see the girl dress like a whore to get her man just made me cringe. Yep, that's what I call romance! These are the things that we try to ignore about the movie, not the things that we celebrate, you ridiculous woman!

96. Barefoot in the Park

I know I've seen it, long long ago back in the mists of time, but I cannot remember a frame of it. Except for all those stairs.

95. Lady and the Tramp

You're kidding, right? This is not what I call one of the world's great romances, it's a cartoon about dogs for Chrissakes. I'll give you Beauty and the Beast, I'll give you The Little Mermaid, I'll even give you Robin Hood, but I put my foot down at Lady and the Tramp. And I can certainly do without Jennifer Love Hewitt making up some horseshit about trying to act out the spaghetti scene for real when she was in high school.

94. Body Heat

I think by the time I saw this film, it had been hyped to me so much that is could be nothing but a disappointment, so I never much cared for it. I never got that it was so hot, like it was touted to be. Even watching the clip of him busting through the door still doesn't particularly move me.

93. Dirty Dancing

O yeah, I love that scene when they are lip-synching "Love is Strange", I love the dancing, I love the whole "nice Jewish girl meets a boy from the wrong side of the tracks" thing.

(Apparently, this special has been brought to us by Blockbuster. Heavens, what a co-incidence!)

92. Porgy and Bess

Never seen it. Of course I know the opera but have never been that interested in seeing the film.

91. Working Girl

O yeah, I dig this movie. Haven't seen it for ages, but there are large sections, like when he gives Tess the lunch box at the end, that make me just melt into a puddle of gelatinous goo. Melanie Griffith could never do a romantic comedy with Harrison Ford now, though, she's too old to work with him.

90. The Bridges of Madison County

Apparently, Janet Jackson loved the book. Thank God for this show, or I would never know that! This was a very romantic movie, but the thing I remember most about it is Libby in Premiere magazine talk about how in watching the bath scene, she felt as though she was peeking at Grandpa in the tub to see that he doesn't break a hip.

89. Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf

There's a peculiar choice! Of course, as they point out, this isn't a list of romances, it's a list of passion. Yeah, whatever. If so, I guess that The Great Escape should be on the list, as they sure were passionate about escaping!

88. The Princess Bride

Now, I do like this movie, but it has never crawled right into my heart as it has done with so many others simply because I love the book whole-heartedly, and no movie could possibly live up to that.

87. The Unbearable Lightness of Being

O yeah, that's a passionate one. Lena Olin and Daniel Day Lewis, yum. Not to mention Juliette Binoche and Daniel Day Lewis. And Lena Olin and Juliette Binoche.

86. Notorious

That's a great one, Cary Grant and Ingrid Bergman are so perfect together. But I felt so sorry for poor Claude Raines. Even if he was a nazi. And nazis are very bad, you know.

85. Love is a Many Splendored Thing

Never seen it. Do I get points for knowing the song?

84. Double Indemnity

I am ashamed to say that I have never seen it. But I do love Fred McMurray as this big bad man, he's shockingly sexy. Like Dick Powell in Murder, My Sweet.

83. Morocco

Never seen it. I think I may never have seen a single Marlene Dietrich film! And I call myself a movie buff...No, wait, I've seen Destry Rides Again, so at least I'm not as pathetic as all that.

82. Witness

O yeah, lovely, lovely. And they are right, all of the love scenes are silent, or at least without dialogue, which makes the fact that they are filled with yearning more palpable.

81. The Goodbye Girl

There we go, the first one that I have watched a hundred times. I read something once about Oscar nominated films that shouldn't have been nominated, and this was on the list. Clearly written by a complete and utter horse's ass! Plus, the actor jokes make me laugh like a drain.

80. The Sheik

Never seen it. And I can honestly say that I have never seen a Valentino film.

79. Jezebel

Okay, I saw this so long ago that I can almost say that I didn't see it at all, because I certainly don't remember any passion in it. Except that Bette Davis played a passionate bitch, but she did that in all of her films. I'm probably wrong, it's probably my memory.

78. Coming Home

Again, never seen it. I think I wasn't interested when it came out, but I should have caught up with it since then, shouldn't I?

77. The Awful Truth

God, this is getting embarrassing! How could I have gotten to be the age that I am and not seen this movie?

76.

Okay, it's hard to admit that I haven't seen this one as well, but at least there is the excuse that it stars John Wayne, and we didn't watch John Wayne films in my house!

75. The American President

Yay! One that I have seen! But I'll admit that I forgot it existed. I remember liking it quite a bit, and then it just slid out of my brain like Jello. I should catch it again.

74. Woman of the Year

Um, nope. But I have seen all of the other Tracy/Hepburn films, I'm sure I have, just never this one. I like Desk Set the best, myself.

73. The Ghost and Mrs. Muir

Yes! Another one of mine, another one that I love with all of my heart. Whenever I watch it, I always wish that it would never end, if I could live in that movie, I'd be happy forever.

72. Roxanne

The thing that I like about this show, is not just that it's reminding me of films that I have never seen and should, but it's reminding me of films that I saw and liked and then proceeded to forget, like this one.

71. Way Down East

Never saw it. It looks like I never have seen a silent film, which is far from true, but I've seen far more comedies than romances! If there were any Buster Keaton films on this list, I'd be in like Flynn.

70. Sense and Sensibility

Another from my personal list, the list of films that I would cheerfully watch every day, if I could. Alan Rickman! Hugh Grant! Things don't get much better than that.

69. Harold and Maude

Yes! There's a great choice, such a joyful film. Alan Cumming said that it's his favourite romantic film ever, which certainly makes sense to me.

68. What's Up Doc

The next to last great screwball comedy ever made! And possibly the only really great movie that featured Ryan O'Neil. Though my favourite in the film is Austin Pendleton, whom I worship.

67. A Streetcar Named Desire

Such a searing movie and such a searing performance, that I, for one, keep forgetting that Stanley rapes her! How can the audience still love him so? That's charisma in action, baby. Also, that's what happens when a man wears a ripped t-shirt so that we can see the muscles ripping under his smooth back, not that I've given much thought to it or anything.

66. Manhattan

Not certain why I have never seen this since I first saw it, but I have not. I really must, it's Cynthia's favourite Woody Allen film, and Lord knows I keep making her watch things, I should let her have the joy of making me watch something. Especially something that we all know I'll love.

65. Bonnie and Clyde

Any movie that starts with Fay Dunaway standing fully nude at a window certainly belongs on any passion list.

64. Marty

I cannot watch this movie, the sight of a single frame reduces me to tears, and if you think that I am exaggerating, you should have seen me just now, watching the minute and 45 seconds or so that they showed, and then seeing me continue to weep for ten minutes afterwards. Ever seen the TV version? That one's even worse, that one makes me cry for hours. I think this story just might hit a little close to the bone for me.

63. Sunrise

Nope, never seen this one, either. I think. Which is that great one with Janet Gaynor and the guy who goes blind? Is that this one? O no, that's Seventh Heaven. Which should be on this list, as it's dead romantic!

62. The Apartment

Never seen it. Just shoot me now. I've probably pretended to have seen this movie before, but now, I'm coming clean. I HAVE NEVER SEEN THE APARTMENT!! Happy now?

61. Breakfast at Tiffany's

The last scene, with the cat in the rain just makes me laugh. I know, I know, it's all romantic and stuff, but all can think is, how drugged is this cat? He's sopping wet and getting wetter, and then these two actors just crush him between them, and he just sort of looks around bemusedly. This is why none of my cats are in the movies, Audrey Hepburn would have need a transfusion if she had mauled one of Them Bad Kitties so.

(Argh! There is almost nothing worse in this life than listening to the new Kermit voice! Except for maybe the new Bugs Bunny voice. Just goes to show that just because you are the progeny, doesn't mean that you can actually re-create the voice. You can, however, suck.)

60. To Have and Have Not

I far prefer The Big Sleep, I've never much cared for this movie.

59. Picnic

Never saw it, but I've seen the play! I used to do a scene from it when I was a kid, "Madge is the pretty one, Madge is the pretty one!" Shit, I should see it, Bill Holden looks just fine with his shirt off.

58. Guess Who's coming to Dinner?

Passionate? I don't know about that. Earnest, perhaps. And it's hard to hear a line like, "And it never occurred to me that I might fall in love with a Negro!" without laughing hysterically anymore.

57. Two For the Road

O, I saw this song very long ago. I don't remember much, but I do remember it making me so sad that I never want to see it again.

56. The English Patient

As far as obsessive love movies go, I'll take this over Body Heat any day. Ralph Fiennes is so good with the Burning Gaze and the Hidden Passion, that's his gift as an actor.

55. Reds

Yes, yes, I love this movie, though I've only seen it a couple of times. It's a real sweeping love story, though of course the story is about so much more. I just remember her single-mindedness in finding him. Now that's passion.

54. Sabrina

Yes, again, never seen it! Though I have seen the remake, and liked it fine, possibly because I had never seen the original.

53. A Place in the Sun

I saw this long ago, but I remember when, it was for class in 7th or 8th grades, when Mr. Biegal would have us read the books and then see the movies, so we read An American Tragedy and then saw this. I didn't much care for it, but I'll admit it's plenty passionate. Tim Conway: "Would you have killed your wife for Elizabeth Taylor?" Harvey Korman: "I would have killed my wife for Shelley Winters!"

52. The Graduate

Yeah, that's an easy choice. For that scene in the church if for nothing else.

51. Bringing Up Baby

I have only ever seen part of this one, I couldn't bear to watch it. I could tell that all kinds of embarrassing things would happen, and I didn't want to see them, I really just didn't. I probably should try again someday.

50. Shakespeare in Love

Love and theatre, what a great combination! I still cannot believe that I used to call Joe Fiennes, Ralph Fiennes' less attractive brother.

49. The Postman Always Rings Twice

Never saw it, or the remake. I am Postman-free.

48. Last Tango in Paris

It was X-rated when it came out, I think, so I was far too young to see it, and then I never caught up with it since.

47. Splendor in the Grass

Interesting how many of these films about passion are really stories of obsession. Is passion always obsession, or is that just what makes for good movies?

46. To Catch a Thief

Of course I've seen this one a million times, my mother's in it! I barely notice the rest of the movie because of that, but that's just me.

45. Sleepless in Seattle

I don't like this movie, I never liked this movie. I expected it to be When Harry Met Sally again, but it wasn't good enough. I was an extra in it, though.

44. The Philadelphia Story

O yeah, that's one. More than a great romantic movie, though, it's just plain great, one of those movies where every single thing in it is perfect.

43. A Star is Born

This one breaks my heart. I can't bear it.

42. Anna Karenina

Nope, never saw it.

41. Funny Girl

I'd forgotten that I love this movie, how lovely Omar Sharif was back then.

40. Ninotchka

Well, I like it and it's funny, but I don't know that it's that passionate.

39. An American in Paris

I always thought that this was just the triflest bit overrated, but any Gene Kelly movie is alright by me. The most virile dancer ever to be in front of a camera.

38. It Happened One Night

I spent a large portion of my childhood wildly in love with Clark Gable, and this movie is the reason why.

37. Titanic

Never seen it, and this time, I'm not ashamed!

36. Random Harvest

No, I've never seen this one. You know what I'll bet won't be on this list and should be? A Matter of Life and Death, aka Stairway to Heaven.

35. Gigi

My problem with both this movie and An American in Paris is that I never liked Leslie Caron.

34. Beauty and the Beast

Ah, there it is! It had to be there, though of course. It would be nice if the original French version showed up here, too, but I think they only include films in English. Otherwise there would be no excuse for not having Les Enfants du Paradis, my favourite film of all time, on the list. Of course, it may show up later, but I doubt it.

(Can somebody please tell me what Jonathan Lipnicki is doing on this show? I mean, I understood when he commented on Jerry Maguire, he was in the movie, but I don't really give a hang what the hell he thinks about any other movie! I mean, it's not as though when you think of romance, you think of Jonathan Lipnicki, the Robbie Rist of his generation.)

(If I hear "La Vie En Rose" one more time, I'm taking hostages.)

33. Camille

I don't think I've seen many Garbo pictures, and this isn't one of them. I've seen Moulin Rouge, it's nearly the same thing, only with more Madonna songs.

32. Dark Victory

"Has the sun gone behind a cloud?" is one of our family jokes. I saw the movie so long ago, though, that I cannot remember a single other thing about it.

31. The King and I

O yeah, love it lots. Especially "Shall We Dance", which really was awfully erotic for a scene between two fully clothed people in a musical comedy.

30. Swing Time

Well, if there is anything that I have seen in my life, it's every Astaire and Rogers film! And I do love the scene that they showed, when he was pretending that he couldn't dance so that he could take a dance lesson from her.

29. An Officer and a Gentleman

Nope, never seen it! Never felt the urge to seek it out, either.

28. The Shop Around the Corner

Because I knew She Loves Me first, the fact that it is without music has always seemed peculiar to me, but anything with Jimmy Stewart is okay by me, much to my mother's chagrin, as she loathes him down to the marrow in his bones.

27. The Sound of Music

Passion? Yeah, I guess so. Christopher Plummer is pretty smoldering, but I think it's because he hated the movie so much.

26. The Lady Eve

I love this movie, I love the twists, and the double-crossing, it's my favourite Sturges film, I think.

25. When Harry Met Sally

There's another one of mine! One I can watch over and over again and never get tired of it. Like eating chicken cordon bleu, I could eat it for every meal.

24. King Kong

Yeah, whatever. I've never much cared for it.

23. Now Voyager

I honestly don't know if I've seen it or not. I'm pretty sure that I've seen the second half but never the first. It's okay, I've never felt the need to see the whole thing.

22. On Golden Pond

My dad did this role on stage, I wish I'd seen him, I'll bet he was great. But I do love the movie.

21. Pretty Woman

Such a crappy story that only with the two most charismatic leads on earth could distract you from it. Though I love Hector Elizondo in it the most.

20. From Here to Eternity

Never seen it. Burt Lancaster sure was pretty back then, wasn't he?

19. Ghost

Blech. Blech and double blech. The only thing I like about it is Demi Moore's haircut. Where's Truly Madly Deeply, might I ask?

18. Vertigo

I think I saw this movie much too long ago to get it properly. I think I should definitely see it again.

17. Moonstruck

O, there's one of mine, baby! Such a wonderful, operatic movie, where every moment is a gem.

16. Singin' in the Rain

Anyone who says that this is the greatest movie musical of all time, all I have to say is, you're right!

15. Wuthering Heights

O, I haven't seen this one in way too long. Sweeping, tragic romance.

14. The African Queen

Bogart and Hepburn are probably my favourite couple over the age of 40 ever in the movies, they are just too charming together. "Dear, what is your first name?"

13. Out of Africa

"I had a faaarm in Aafricaa..." Seen it, didn't like much besides Klaus Maria Brandauer, who can do no wrong.

12. My Fair Lady

I've been waiting for this one! If they had Sound of Music, they had to include the real musical love story.

11. Annie Hall

Yes! O yes. They really are including most of my personal list of favourite romances, minus the foreign ones. And Whole Wide World. And Truly Madly Deeply. And While You Were Sleeping. And Persuasion. Say Anything hasn't been mentioned yet, but I'm sure it will be, it was in the opening montage.

10. City Lights

There we go, there's a silent film that I've seen! No great trick, I know, but I fancy myself to be such a film buff and this really has been humiliating.

9. Love Story

Love Story? Number 9? Why? O, okay, it's in the title, but it really is awfully corny.

8. It's a Wonderful Life

Not really thought of as a romance, but that's what the heart of the story is about, a man realizing that the most important thing in his life are his wife and children, and going through everything to get them back again. And that phone scene is amazing.

7. Dr. Zhivago

Dear me, no, it's really just not good enough. If you want to have a Julie Christie film, include Heaven Can Wait, not this one!

6. The Way We Were

I knew this one had to be there. I saw if when it first came out, in the theatre, meaning when I was about eight years old. Cannot remember much, to tell the truth.

5. An Affair to Remember

Never seen it, and not really ashamed about it. I've always felt that it looked too soppy to sit through.

4. Roman Holiday

O yes, now this is the perfect romance, falling in love in one day, then Never Being Able to Be Together. In the movies, of course, in real life that would suck ass.

3. West Side Story

Can't argue with this one, but it means that Say Anything can't be in it, not with Gone With the Wind and Casablanca not yet mentioned and only two slots left.

2. Gone With the Wind

And there's that one! I'm surprised it's not first, personally. Hugh Jackman talking about Clark Gable's animal masculinity, well, there's the pot calling the kettle masculine!

1. Casablanca

Okay, I see that, it certainly belongs, but I'd still put Gone With the Wind first.

I think I'll change my 40x40 list now. So many people have put "See all of the AFI movies" on theirs that I decided to make mine different and put Oscar winners, but now I think what I'll do is take the four AFI lists and the Oscars and marry them together and have that be my list of movies to watch. And I have to start from scratch, if I'd seen any of them before today, they don't count.

Pretty good idea, huh? Nice and obsessive, like me.

Today's horoscope:
Make that minor repair or improvement you've been putting off. You'll be more effective and feel better.

One year ago today:
"My yingyangyooie has got radar in it and it's looking for a speeding richard."

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