So, back from the wedding I am! Not to mention six entries behind, I also am. From the syntax, you'd think that I saw Attack of the Killer Space Klones From Outer Space, but I haven't yet. Just a little Yoda-ish anyway.

I wonder how many of these six (seven as of tomorrow morning) I will write tonight. Excuse me while I hold my sides that are aching because of all of the laughter that is forthcoming from my mouth.

The wedding was yesterday, and said wedding was just as perfect a wedding as you might ever like to see, wedding-wise.

I got up at 6.45a to leave the house at 7.15a to get to the hairdresser's by 8a. Who the hell gets their hair done at 8a? People with noon weddings, that's who. I wasn't getting my hair done, but I was taking pictures, and boy did I ever take pictures. I think I took four rolls of Melissa and Corina and Colleen and Patti getting their hair done. Kate and Elizabeth decided to sleep in and meet us there later.

We brought champagne and orange juice to make mimosas with. "Who the hell drinks alcohol at 8a?" I asked, and besides, my opinion of mimosas is that they are a waste of perfectly good champagne and orange juice. But by 9a I was like, "Gimme a glass of that champagne!" At that point, after running around the hairdresser's for an hour, alcohol sounded like a swell idea. And it was!

Melissa had her hair done up and curly with some small combs in front to mimic a tiara, but she realized that she should have gotten four rather than two. What would we do? Go to the mall, of course!

Right across from the hairdresser's there was a big mall that had another branch of the store where she got the combs from in the first place, so at 9.30a on the day of the wedding, with wedding hair, if not wedding clothes, we trooped off to the mall. "I went to Wal-Mart in my wedding dress!" Colleen said, so clearly it's a tradition, like Rhoda riding the subway to get to her wedding.

The stores weren't open, so we waited, Corina painting Melissa's nails and Melissa talking to a tense Greg ("Where are you now? Are you on your way?") and explaining to Elizabeth and Kate, on their way, that we were no longer at the hairdresser's, but by the escalator on the second floor waiting for Claire's to open. No, the other escalator!

Finally, it was 10a, and they didn't have the right combs, but they had similar ones, and then it was back to the hairdresser's and then finally off we were to the wedding!

Corina and Wes had stayed at the B&B as well as Greg and Melissa the night before, so there were two rooms to dress in, one for the boys and one for the girls.

Everyone got all fine except for me. I would have dressed up more, but I needed to wear something with big pockets, and that left my linen jumper, which is perfectly presentable, but just not as dressy as everyone else was.

There was a unity candle, but the minister cleverly did a test beforehand, and judged that it was a little too windy for that, so it was cut. He apologized to me afterwards, but I told him that I agreed completely. "Nothing is worse than the symbolic candle of unity blowing out seconds after it is lit!"

We took some pictures beforehand, me doing a little jockeying for position with all of the guest's cameras. I didn't want to be like one of those awful photographers that I hear about who don't allow anyone else to take pictures at their weddings, but neither did I want them to get all of the good shots because I was being too polite! It ended up not being a problem, and Corina and Colleen, for two, got some great shots.

I took very few digital pictures during the wedding and aftermath, because I was taking about a million shots with my regular camera. Nothing wrong with that, but not so much to show you here, you see.

The guitar player showed up, and it was time to start. Of course, immediately before she was about to go, Melissa spilled some water on her skirt, which made it seem as though she had peed herself. It was hilariously funny, but thank goodness chiffon dries really quickly, and it was only water, so there was no big splash on her dress when she did walk down the aisle, or down the path, as it were.

The ceremony was short without being rushed, some words from the minister, two readings, and then were the vows. Now, I've been to weddings, I've seen them in movies, I've heard the words before, everyone can practically rattle them off by rote, but when Melissa said, "I, Melissa, take you, Greg, to be my husband," it was as though I were hearing the words for the first time, and it really hit me what exactly they were doing, this very specific commitment that they were making to each other, this becoming each other's husband and wife.

And I realized that when people say, "It's just a piece of paper, it doesn't mean anything," how completely wrong they are.

I had a bit of a rush to change film before the kiss, the panicked flailing to the left of the bride and groom was clearly visible to the assembled congregation, but fortunately the minister had some words to stay that took long enough for me to catch it.

And they were married! And now it was time to party down! No, now, it was time to take a million billion pictures of everyone in every combination imaginable. Afterwards, I thought of a picture or two that I should have taken, but considering the sheer volume, I don't think it mattered. And the great thing about having only 30 guests was that I knew whom I had shot and whom I had not. "That guy over there with the toothpick in his mouth, I didn't shoot him yet, get him over here!"

There were hors d'ouevre and drinks, and I must have sucked down about six sodas and four mini-quiches, every time a waiter passed, I would grab something and shove it down my gullet before shooting another roll.

It was a gorgeous day, warm on the hot side, but no humidity, so it felt great. Melissa had cleverly included suntan lotion in her bridal kit, so she stayed un-burned, but a few others got a little glowy. I was running around so much that the sun never got a chance to catch me.

After a while, we went inside and had a great meal. I was practically last coming in, and found to my horror that the only place available was filled with people that I didn't know! Now, they were really nice, but I wanted to eat with my friends, so Kate kindly shoved over and made a space for me and the Melissa's Freaky Internet Friends table.

The food was delicious, steak or...something else. I had the steak, so I can't remember. They cooked it more than I like to see meat cooked, but the quality of the beef was so good that it still was yummy even without any pink.

We had great fun, eating and taking pictures and passing everyone's digital cameras around and eating chocolate mice and making the wedding video and doing a pool of when they would have a baby, (my money's on August 2004--Confidential to Melissa and Greg: anything I can do to help swing it that way, let me know!), and it was really relaxing after the tension of the wedding.

Because even a wedding that goes smoothly and problem-free is still a little tense, because what if something terrible happens? But afterwards, when nothing terrible, or even mildly bad, did happen, is great.

Then they all changed out of their finery and went back to the house. I jumped into the shower as soon as we were there, and Melissa tried very hard to get her hair down, but it was put up to stay up, and had no intention of moving!

They opened their presents, and after a while the rest of the guests showed up, and we all ordered pizza, and I sat on the sofa and knitted yards and yards of my scarf. Really, knitting is the best thing to do in a big group, when you float in and out of various conversations and aren't always talking. Because reading is rude, but just sitting and staring is awful--knitting is where it's at! I know what I'll be doing at that Christmas party that Mom makes me go to every year when I never have a thing to say to anyone!

Not that I didn't have a thing to say to anyone at this party, far from it, I just realized that if knitting is so great at a good party, at a really dull one, it will undoubtedly be a godsend.

Everyone kept asking me, "What are you knitting?" and I kept saying, "About four feet more just like this!" Afterwards, I looked and I really think I knitted about 12-18 inches over the course of the weekend. I also managed to add four stitches, so there is a section that is a bit wider than it should be, but that's the way it goes. It's looking pretty good even besides that.

Melissa and Greg left for the hotel that they were spending the night in around 10p or so, and us housesitters all basically fell into bed at 10.30p, exhausted. I stayed up and read for an hour, since I saw that Melissa had the funniest book in the world in their guestroom, Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs, and I had to read it. Startling Corina and Wes next door with my guffaws, I'm sure.

I fell into a blissful sleep at 11.30p, the night only marred by the fact that I got up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and walked headlong into the closed door of my room. Crash! No-one woke, and I was not hurt, but it's a rather disconcerting thing to have happen to you in the dead of night!

I can only assume that I did it because my room at home has an archway and no door, but I had managed to open the door like a normal person the night before, so I don't know why this skill eluded me last night.

Today's horoscope:
Your need for structure and organization could go overboard. Plan leisure activities, but remember to relax too!

One year ago today:
"Hello, see these funny things I wrote about your show? Hello! Hello, hello! I have a crush on your bass player!"

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Last Updated Wed 19 June 14:59:09 2002