Thoughts while watching the Tonys:

My Christ, Bernadette Peters must be looking 60 in its big red bloodshot eye, and look how great she looks! And not like mutton dressed as lamb, really truly good. I mean, her neck is starting to look a trifle ropey, but not so's you'd notice. I guess musical theatre keeps you young.

I love that they put the first ten awards on PBS. I know I say this every year, but it's just so great that they aren't rushing through the technical awards to get to the good stuff, because the Tonys are for theatre lovers, and theatre lovers care who wins Best Choreography much more than movie lovers care about who wins Best Sound Effects Editing. Plus, they always montage up to the awards in a most creative and enjoyable fashion.

I could swear that Marvin Hamlisch used to know how to write good music, what the hell happened? Did he use up his goes?

Aha! Thou Shalt Not! That was the show where the lady said that she wished that the entire cast would die so that she wouldn't have to sit through the second act! Now that I am reminded of the title, I remember her also saying, "If I were a reviewer, I would have said, 'Thou shalt not go see this turkey!'" With that ringing endorsement, I hope Harry Connick Jr. isn't expecting to take home that Best Score award. I hope he's not poised on the edge of his seat, trembling with excitement.

Regarding Urinetown, the nominee for Best Book just said, "I understood that this was a really bad idea for a musical," which is not something you often here on these shows! I have been wanting to see that show for a bit, but I have avoided it simply because it started out at the theatre in the criminal court building where Love Creek sometimes works, (I remember them loudly rehearsing their musical numbers and wishing they would shut the hell up) and I just don't think it's fair that this show could come out of the same house where I have done several shows and go to Broadway and be this big hit! It's like your next door neighbour winning the lottery.

Hamlisch just said that he wishes that he could write a hundred musicals before he dies. I wouldn't try, really Marvin, you should just start reviving the old ones.

And, speaking of lotteries and neighbours, there's my old college friend Gina Gershon to announce the first award! Though I never have resented her success, I always liked her at NYU. And she hasn't changed a bit, either, she's just as lovely as she was at 19.

And the first award goes for Best Choreography for Thoroughly Modern Millie. Will this start a trend?

Savion Glover is looking more and more homeless every time I see him. He's like Broadway's version of Johnny Depp. He has his backstage pass swinging around his neck, because they certainly wouldn't let him in judging from how he is dressed. But you know what? He dances like an angel, he can dress as he likes. Also, he can have that ugly beard.

Heavens, Benny and Bjorn did the orchestrations for Mamma Mia! That's good, that ABBA actually gets a chance to win a Tony for the show built around their music, since the music itself is not eligible!

Yep, Thoroughly Modern Millie just won for Best Orchestrations. Funnily, every time Urinetown is mentioned, it gets cheered, as it's the Little Musical That Could, but Millie keeps winning anyway. Of course, it's only been twice, but I smell a trend, baby.

Spoke too soon! Urinetown won Best Book! The winner, Greg Kotis, just thanked the guy who helped him move the piano into the theatre when they first did the show, which I think is sweet. He couldn't have expected to be onstage, even though he had his speech written out, but he certainly would have put makeup on those twin cold sores had he known he would be on TV. I suppose he thought, "Who'll be watching PBS?"

And now, to great cheers, Urinetown won Best Score, good for it!

They just called Cynthia Nixon a young veteran of Broadway. Veteran certain, as she has been a Broadway star since she was a teenager, but that was quite some time ago, so I don't know how accurate the term "young" is at this point.

God, these scenic designs are amazing, both Into the Woods and Private Lives are quite stunning. But Metamorphoses is the one I am rooting for, natch. Though the design is so deceptively simple, I don't know if it can beat balconies and giant books.

And it didn't, the balconies won for Private Lives. But Metamorphoses got the cheers, when it was announced, shades of Urinetown, it clearly is the show most loved by the audience.

Into the Woods won for Best Lighting Design. Apparently he designed five other shows this season, is he the only designer on Broadway? Other than the other nominees? He read his speech, commenting several times on how bad it was, then ended with thanking his wife, who was not there because she, at 27 weeks of pregnancy, was in the hospital hoping to give birth to a kidney stone.

Ugh! I certainly hope that Into the Woods does not win Best Costumes after that awful Wolf costume they just showed. It's wearing a jacket! And had floppy ears! And where, may I ask, is the giant penis? It isn't an Into the Woods wolf without a giant penis, by me.

The costume designer of Private Lives said that Alan Rickman is wearing a period tuxedo, "But Alan would look great in a garbage bag, if it were nicely tailored."

When will people on awards shows figure out that they don't have to lean into the microphone? It hears you even if you are standing up straight, honestly it does! And yes, Paul Rudd, I am talking to you.

Thoroughly Modern Millie won for Best Costume Design. But Urinetown was not nominated, so this doesn't really count in the contest.

Alan Rickman on Private Lives, "These people are meant to be together, unfortunately, it's also meant to be a nightmare. It's the price you pay for meeting your destined other half, I think."

Hey, they are showing some of the same clips from Metamorphoses for Best Director that they showed for Best Scenic Design! They could have gotten different ones, there are so many extraordinary images in the show! Okay, wait, they did show different clips, none of which contain my crush. Bring back the rerun clips!

Yes! Mary Zimmerman won for Metamorphoses! Hoorah!! She's only the second woman ever to win for Best Direction of a Play, that's actually somewhat shocking. I hope it won't be harder to get tickets now, with all this adulation, because I'm going to keep on seeing it!

Hal Prince is bobbing his head around like a spring-headed dog in the back of a car. You cannot address both the audience in the theatre and the camera, Hal, you should know that by now, so keep the neck still, for Chrissakes.

And Urinetown wins for Best Direction of a Musical! That's three each for it and Millie so far, I think, but Urinetown has the better awards. John Rando just ran onstage like a kid and started enthusing about having just shook Hal Prince's hand, which is quite endearing. Then he mentioned the cast starting out by sharing the same dressing room and toilet--I know that dressing room and toilet, I know that theatre. Does this make me one degree of separation from Broadway?

Blythe Danner just ran onstage, said that they were running late, and read her speech giving the Tony for Best Regional Theatre faster than I have ever heard anyone speak and still be understandable. And they made it! The credits ran over Michael Ritchie's face, but they made it.

And now the network portion of the evening, more star-stuffed than you can possibly imagine. I wonder how many times they'll bring up September 11th? Hal Prince mentioned it once on the PBS section, so I'll guess three times for network.

They are starting with a tribute to Richard Rogers' centenary, and there's Marvin "My Show is Only Running Because of the Names Involved" Hamlisch and Harry "What Are You Complaining About, My Show Closed In Five Minutes" Connick Jr. performing together.

And Michelle Lee--can someone tell me why that song is so low? She can't even reach the lowest notes, if this was the best key for her, she's currently got a range of a note and a half. She looks amazing, though. She and Bernadette should run a course, "Aging Beautifully on Broadway". I'd take it.

And there's that Broadway musical comedy legend, Mos Def, looking somewhat bemused to be singing "My Favorite Things". Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, really Mos? He has a surprisingly lovely voice. Actually, he'd make a good jazz singer, he sounds a little smokey, like ol' Harry.

Lea Salonga singing "I Enjoy Being a Girl" is kind of startling, as I am so used to her playing innocents and feral children, not this sexy, confident belter. Right on, Lea!

Peter Gallagher is wasted in every single non-musical he is in. I know he's a good actor, I know he has done wonderful work, but his voice is so glorious, so perfect for a Broadway leading man that everything he has done without having to sing is poorer for it.

Harry Connick Jr. sure is tall, he's towering over everyone else on the stage. Either that, or they are all ants. Which is certainly possible, actors tend towards the teeny.

These headset microphones are certainly handy, though it makes them all look a little like they are about to bust some N'Synch moves.

And there's John Raitt, showing them all how it's done. Possibly the most virile man to have appeared in a Broadway musical, though it's not much of a contest. And he hasn't lost much of his voice even at the age of--Jesus he's 85! He could probably wipe the floor with Connick, Gallagher and Mos Def together. He looks like he's about to do some one-armed push-ups like Jack Palance.

Yep, it only took them 11 minutes to bring up the WTC.

O, lovely. They just did pretty much the entire show of Into the Woods in about five minutes--it was like The Five Minute Hamlet. It really makes me want to see it, that's for sure, not that I didn't want to before. So joyful. But for some reason, as they wrapped up by singing the title song again, I started crying, I have no idea why. I guess, to quote David Hare in Via Dolorosa, I have a mineral reaction to it.

John Leguizamo just said, "Hello and welcome to New York City, or as we used to call it when I was growing up, Urinetown!"

And Harriet Harris, Drama Desk winner, wins Best Featured Actress in a Musical for Millie. Did she use up her speech for that award? You have to save some good stuff for the national telecast!

And Katie Finneran wins for Best Featured Actor in a Play for Noises Off. It must have been awful for Kate Burton, hearing it start to be her name and then turning into someone else's.

O, the lovely Ralph Fiennes. I must add "Photograph Ralph Fiennes covered in blood like he was in Coriolanus to my 40x40 list.

I love the way when Sam Robards' name was announced as nominee, they were careful to include his Mom, Lauren Bacall, in the shot even though she was two seats away from him.

Frank Langella wins for Best Featured Actor in a Play. And he gave an absolutely lovely and moving speech, tearing up slightly at the end. I have to transcribe it, it's too lovely to lose.

"Thank you. I started in this profession forty years ago, and if I've learned anything it's that the good and bad moments of an actor's career pass. The trick is to stay at the table, play the cards you are dealt, and hope for a winning hand. I got such a winning hand with Fortune's Fool. It helps that the other players were Julian Schlossberg, Arthur Penn, Michael Poulton, the wild card, Ivan Turgenev, and the great Alan Bates, a consummate actor and a consummate friend. I have had millions and millions of extraordinary moments standing on a stage, acting for you. I am very grateful to each and every Tony voter who gave me this for this work, this wonderful moment, which I know is about to pass."

This is about the perfect speech--short, meaningful, not just a list of names, planned in advance, and, most importantly, memorized. No little pieces of paper for our Frank. So classy.

They are doing Mamma Mia, and I totally see why this show is such a phenomenon. It's not because of the story or anything, it's because the songs are so much a part of the international zeitgeist, the hivemind, that it is not possible to hear them without dancing in your seat. They were smart to set the show in the 70's, it doesn't work without bell-bottoms.

Norbert Leo Butz? That's his real name? Well, it'd have to be. But you'd think that would be a name to change, wouldn't you? Well, I guess if Jack Noseworthy didn't change his, why should Norbert Leo Butz?

And Shuler Hensley wins Best Featured Actor in a Musical for Oklahoma. So far, the Drama Desks have been right on it, as far as the major categories are concerned.

Best Revival of a Play, how can The Elephant Man not be nominated? Private Lives wins. Poor Morning's at Seven, a million nominations and thus far, not a sausage.

Gregory Hines and Bernadette Peters, showing why they are not just Broadway stars, but legends, doing a medley of songs from shows that take place in New York with no sets or props or anything, just their voices and their bodies (and those great songs), and being absolutely riveting. The best thing all night.

Followed by Millie, which seemed just as desperately cheerful as it did on the Drama Desks. I'm so not interested. Here's a funny clip from a review that Fran sent me, because he thought it was a nice turn of phrase. I cannot attribute it, because I don't know where it's from:

"Hard sell doesn't begin to describe "Thoroughly Modern Millie," adapted from the 1967 movie musical of the same title. Watching this aggressively eager show is like being stampeded by circus ponies. It's all whinnying and clomping and brightly decorated bouncing heads, and it never lets up for a second. You'll leave either grinning like an idiot or with a migraine the size of Alaska."

And John Lithgow wins for Sweet Smell of Success. He is trying to sell tickets in his speech again, like at the Drama Desks. It won't work, John, but a valiant try.

I think my gum lump is getting pretty loose. I don't know but I hope it'll come off in my sleep, I don't want to suddenly feel it roving around my mouth freely. O yeah, the production number from Sweet Smell of Success is on.

Lindsay Duncan wins for Best Actress in a Play. "I'm playing Amanda in a brilliant revival of Private Lives on Broadway, I've got fantastic costumes, I've got a hat, I've got Alan Rickman, I mean please, somebody shoot me!"

I wish they were doing clips from the plays like they do every other year, I think it makes the plays as interesting as the musicals.

Elaine Stritch at Liberty wins for Best Special Theatrical Event, of course. Why is anyone else nominated, this was such an easy one! Poor John Leguizamo for doing his show in the same year as she did!

They turned the microphone off her as she called out, "Please don't do this!" but CBS is a cruel mistress, and allows them no overtime, so even a theatrical institution getting her due needs to be shut off. I wonder if she'll still be talking when they get back from commercial?

And here's the production number from Urinetown. Hey, isn't that whatshisname from Sex and the City? The guy who plays Stanford?

OFFICER LOCKSTOCK
Well, hello there, welcome to Urinetown. Not the place, of course, the musical. Urinetown the place is, well it's sort of a mythical place, you understand? A bad place, a place...well, let's just say it's filled with symbolism and things like that.

LITTLE SALLY
Say, Officer Lockstock, is this where you tell the audience about the water shortage?

OFFICER LOCKSTOCK
Whoa whoa whoa there, Little Sally, not all at once.

LITTLE SALLY
O, I guess you don't want to overload them with too much exposition, huh?

OFFICER LOCKSTOCK
No, everything in its time, Little Sally. You're too young to understand it now, but nothing can kill a show like too much exposition.

LITTLE SALLY
How about bad subject matter? Or a bad title, even, that'd kill a show pretty good.

Okay, I totally have to see this show, it looks great. And not only because the guy playing Officer Lockstock is so cute. No, really. Hey, come back, don't you believe me?

Calista Flockhart looks really peculiar. Like she's had Botox all over her face, it's barely moving, and her arms are bright orange. Bad fake tan or an all-carrot diet? But what's with her expression?

Alan Bates wins Best Actor in a Play for Fortune's Fool, and seems to be very surprised, God only knows why, doesn't he remember getting the Drama Desk?

The number from Oklahoma was very energetic and entertaining, I suppose, but I know that show too well to like it. Even with the incomparable Andrea Martin. But when the hell did she get old enough to play Aunt Eller? Did I miss a decade?

Jerry Orbach, yummy Jerry Orbach. If I ever meet him, I'll give him any amount of money he asks to sing the "I Hate Him/Her Face" duet from Carnival with me.

Best Actress in a Musical. Why was anyone other than Sutton Foster nominated? It's like The Producers last year, she's an unstoppable phenomenon.

Everyone is thanking their dressers tonight, a nice trend.

Clearly, it's much better to win earlier in the evening, they are cutting off these speeches faster and faster. Elaine Stritch may be pissed, but she got twice Sutton Foster's time, she has nothing to complain about. Except for CBS's draconian attitude towards time overages.

My. My m'my my my. Hugh Jackman looks very pretty in a beard. Clever to have Hugh, from the London production of Oklahoma and Joanna Gleason, from the original production of Into the Woods, present the award for Best Revival of a Musical when those are the only tow nominees. And Into the Woods wins.

Shit. The Goat or Who is Sylvia? wins for Best Play. What happened to the Drama Desk tradition? Or course, it did win the Drama Desk, but tied with Metamorphoses, dammit! Where was the Tony tie?

I guess they expect Millie to win Best Musical, since Mary Tyler Moore is giving out the award. And it did. And it's 3.25a, of course, as it is any night when I'm recapping an awards show, so I'm going to bed.

Today's horoscope:
The mind and independence are a focus in your relationships. Find ways to be unique without stifling or being stifled by others.

One year ago today:
"What's going on? Who are these people? What year is this supposed to be? Why are they singing?"

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Last Updated Mon 3 June 03:30:09 2002