It's Golden Globes time again!

This opening song is interesting. Did they have different versions of it in case the people they were singing about didn't actually show up, or they didn't get a good shot of them? And how long before the show did they have to cut that together? The editor must have about sixteen ulcers.

The line "That star loves the mob," must have been for whatever Soprano cast member they could get. And, "There's Kevin, whose acting is keen," could have worked for Klein had Spacey got caught in traffic. I am obsessed with this song.

Okay, no more of this business casual shit, they have gone all glitzy again. I'll bet Joan and Melissa Rivers heaved a sigh of relief.

I think the award for "Most Artfully Tousled Hair" has been won by Halle Berry. Sorry Meg Ryan, but it really was horrible in Kate and Leopold, you are going to have to work harder to get it back.

Helen Mirren rolls her eyes a little at the applause for her nominating. She clearly thinks that she hasn't a chance.

I used to think that stars applauding their own nomination was tacky, I now think it's kind of disarming. They rarely appear to be going, "Yay me!" more, "Yay, I got a nomination!"

Yes! Jennifer Connelly for A Beautiful Mind! She really kicked butt in that role, nice to see the little girl from my favourite Labyrinth turn out so well.

Russell hugs her in congratulations and they cut away? Who cares what Nicole Kidman or Heather "I've decided to try my 80's hair again" Locklear think? More Russell Crowe on camera! Especially smiling, which is so unusual to start with.

It always takes them so long to get to the stage, they never seem to remember that people are going to have to move between the tables when they set them up. And of course, everyone needs to bob up like jack-in-the-boxes to kiss the winners. It's like a wedding reception. They should do a dollar dance.

Jennifer, I love you and you are beautiful as the day, but you're dull as shit, stop talking already.

Well, Bridget Fonda wasn't sitting in the chair she was supposed to when the camera was looking for her! How could she already be out getting a smoke, the show has only been on for seven minutes!

Martin Sheen looks like his own evil twin in those all-black duds. Must be trying for a new image.

If Sarah Jessica Parker wins for Sex and the City, she had better not hyperventilate from the shock again, as that is completely old. She's won like ten awards for the show, get some poise.

Well, she did win. And she appears to have planned a speech for once! And she still seems humble and gracious. See? You can sound prepared without sounding like a snob.

Yay, Charlie Sheen for Best Actor in a Comedy Series! Yay because thank God not Kelsey Grammer again, and yay because it's such a comeback for him. Too bad Martin wasn't the presenter for this award, that would have been so sweet. Apparently, his fiancee is his future wife, who'd have known?

Best supporting actor in a motion picture had better be Steve Buscemi, this is all I have to say! I mean, adored Ben Kingsley in Sexy Beast, but it's gotta be Steve, it just has to.

And it's not, dammit all. Jim Broadbent is invariably great, though I have yet to see Iris, he was great in Bridget Jones, he was great in Topsy-Turvy, he was great in Little Voice, and that was only the past couple of years! This really is long overdue, but I'm sorry that it came in the year of my man Steve's best performance ever. Maybe not best, that was probably Trees Lounge, but certainly the performance that will define him forever. Kate Hudson and Josh Harnett were visibly surprised when they opened the envelope, I wonder who they were expecting?

Jeremy Irons appears to be speaking spontaneously rather than reading from cards. Clearly, since he just mis-spoke the same line six times. I'll bet he memorized it so that he wouldn't have to wear his glasses.

Since when is it Julie Luh-WEE Dreyfus? It has always been pronounced LOO-wee, now she's getting all French on us? Or has it been pronounced wrong all of these year, like John Lith-goe, not John Lith-gauw?

Sex and the City Best TV Comedy! Man John Corbett is a head taller than every single other person on that stage, cast or producers. It's like he's Gandalf and they are the Hobbits.

Band of Brothers won for Best Mini-Series or TV Movie. I have the whole thing on tape, but I never watched it, because it started right after the WTC, and I couldn't bear to watch it. They never let two different people talk when accepting an award. You know, unless they are Tom Hanks and Steven Spielberg, because you cut away from them and you'll never work in this town again!

Why, when introducing the nominees for Best Actor in a TV Drama, did they not show Martin Sheen? It's not as though he isn't there, he presented an award not fifteen minutes ago! Maybe he's in the bathroom getting high with Charlie. No, no, I'm kidding.

Hey, Kiefer Sutherland won for 24! It's "Teen Idols From the 80's" night! Was Molly Ringwald nominated for anything? If so, she should start writing that speech.

I'm so pleased. I used to know him slightly when I first came to NY, as he was dating the friend of a friend of mine. And there was nothing on God's green earth that he hated more than being told, "Gosh you look like your dad!"

An odd choice of clip for the girl who played Anne Frank. It's a clip where another girl is in close-up most of the time, doing all of the talking, not exactly showing off the acting ability of the actress who is actually nominated. Who chooses these clips, I sometimes wonder.

Judy Davis wins Best Actress in a Mini-Series or TV Movie for Judy Garland. No shock there, she's won everything else for this role. Odd hairstyle, though. I though she was wearing a hat, but it's her haircut. Why would you choose to have your hair look like a hat? And a not entirely becoming hat at that?

James Franco wins Best Actor in a Mini-Series or TV Movie for James Dean. I guess in addition to Teen Idols Night, it's also "Impressionists Night" or "The Rich Little Awards Show". Clearly he was cast for his squinty eyes, very Dean-like. He saves all of the expression in his voice for acting, I guess, as he sounds like a very tired robot.

This category, Actor in a Musical or Comedy is tough to know who to root for. Hugh Jackman, Ewan McGregor, Billy Bob Thornton? I am conflicted! Why is Billy Bob wearing a beret? Does he think we don't know he's bald?

And the winner is Gene Hackman for The Royal Tenenbaums. Can't argue with that, no matter how much I love the others, they weren't what you would call robbed. It is not an injustice. He's not there because he missed his plane connection. Is he me?

Best Actress Musical or Comedy. Go Thora Birch! She won't win, but I'd love her to. Wow, she's dropped some weight. She was never what you would call willowy before, but now she sure is.

That sure is a bad angle to shoot Renee Zellweger, she looks like Lisa Ling.

Yep, the winner is Nicole Kidman, no shock there. I don't entirely agree, but I'm thrilled about any awards for my beloved Moulin Rogue even over my beloved Ghost World. Were I Nicole I would blow a big raspberry at Tom Cruise, but she restrained herself.

Why is Ewan McGregor wearing so much eyeliner? Is he doing a drag show after the broadcast?

O, that's cute, Andy Garcia is presenting with the tiny little slip of an actress from Amelie, who said in a very thick accent, "I'm afraid I don't come with subtitles, but I hope to be understood!" and Andy said, "I'll translate," and did. Into Spanish. Very cute.

Beautiful Mind wins Best Screenplay. Now, it's a gorgeous screenplay, so well-constructed, but nothing should have beaten Memento.

Best Actress in a Drama Series. Don't let Edie Falco win again. She's great, but I'm sick of it. Not as sick of it as Lorraine Bracco is, I'm certain, but pretty sick of it. Well, it's Jennifer Garner, the little Angelina lip-like from Alias. Never seen it.

She's giving a good speech, though. "I've often said to J.J. Abrams, the creator of the show, I don't know why you cast me in the show, I don't know why you thought I could do it--I know I was good in Dude, Where's My Car, but seriously!"

Craig Armstrong wins for Best Score in Moulin Rouge. Was there a score? I think that perhaps he's winning for some other people's songs...Is he ever planning on ending this speech? He's out-Jennifer Connelly-ing Jennifer Connelly.

Rachel Griffiths wins Best Supporting TV Actress for Six Feet Under, in an appalling dress. She seems quite startled! Very sweet, but someone really should have talked her out of that dress.

Sting wins Best Song. Over "Come What May" from Moulin Rouge. I demand a recount!! I didn't even notice that bloody song in Kate and Leopold! And why isn't he wearing a tie? Was he not informed it was a formal event?

These Supporting TV categories are so odd, because they are for everything, comedies, dramas, TV movies, all in one category. It's like the variety show category in the Emmy's, where you have the The Daily Show vs. Politically Incorrect vs. SNL and so on.

Stanley Tucci wins the Best Supporting TV Actor Potpourri Award for Conspiracy, and got all tongue-tied and goofy. Very funny!

Best TV Drama, go CSI!! It won't win, it'll be Sopranos or West Wing, but a girl can dream. Or Six Feet Under, which actually won! I guess it's this year's darlin'.

God, I'm tired, and ther'e a whole more hour, and I can't even post this first thing tomorrow, since I am several entries behind and can't skip! But I don't want anyone to spoil things for me. Because if Russell wins, everyone's going to mention it to me tomorrow.

Screw it, I'm going to sleep. They keep giving teasers about a "very special surprise celebrity in the audience," but I think I can hold my water over it until the morning.

And now it's the next day, and I needs must sally forth into the Great Unwatched!

I think I may not have gotten enough sleep.

Harrison Ford is getting his Lifetime Achievement Award. It's so amusing to see these things, because they show clips from every movie they have ever made, while also showing a continuous closeup of the actor watching himself, trying not to show his horror. How do you train for something like that? I'd have my mother tell me about her sex life while trying not to react.

Honestly, he looks like he's having a proctology exam. He appeared to be surprised that he jumped off the cliff in The Fugitive, so either he never watches his own film or he's getting through this by pretending it isn't him up there.

Ben Affleck looks kind of loaded. And I'm not even saying that as a joke because he's been to rehab, he really does look kind of loaded. And who wrote this dull-ass commentary? "Then Harrison did this. Then Harrison did that." Where's James Lipton when you need him? Of course, it would be a much longer show...

I guess they think that everyone who wanted to see What Lies Beneath has already, since they just blew the surprise.

He starts his speech, "I'm nominated in a category where the competition is dead," so that's a promising start! Somewhat halting, but funny and moving, not to mention short! It certainly goes to show that preparing a speech ahead of time is your friend. Barbra Streisand could learn a thing or two about brevity from him.

Ooh, Ralph Fiennes! Terrible haircut, but still literally the most beautiful man who has ever lived. A face so perfect, it can only be improved by being covered in blood.

He said, "My agent said that if I didn't smile, he'd kick my ass," and it's a little plastered on, but definitely more smiley than he usually is on these shows! His agent is insane, though, glowering and smoldering and burning-eyed, that's how I like my Ralph Fienneses. And covered in blood.

He pronounced Moulin Rouge correctly! First time tonight.

Robert Altman won Best Director, which is nice. Good of them to give it to him while he is still mobile. He said about actors, "They do the work and I get to watch," which is one way of describing directing, though I tend to think of it as "They do the work and I am forced to watch," but Altman does work with people like Maggie Smith and so on, so perhaps he has a slightly different perspective.

Kevin Spacey is making a quick tribute to Ted Demme, who unexpectedly died of a heart attack a week ago at the age of 38. Very classy of him to say that, it's a great loss.

Best Musical or Comedy, Moulin Rouge!!! Hooray!!! I really must get that DVD, since everybody clearly thought that everyone else would get it for me for Christmas, so I still don't have it. I bought a copy the other day and didn't get to keep it!

Sissy Spacek is Best Actress in a Drama. Why are three men helping her up the stage? She's not that elderly. I guess it's her fragile persona. I swear, she's so cool, not many women, let alone many women over fifty, could pull off looking like they put on their big brother's clothes and forgot to comb their hair and still look simply lovely. I guess it's because she doesn't look like she's putting on an act.

Ian McKellen is presenting Best Foreign Language Film, saying "I represent that very small group of British actors not in Gosford Park." Of course, he was in New Zealand for eighteen months, it's not as though he hasn't been working!

No Man's Land wins. I really want to see it, but I understand that it breaks your heart, so I have to steel myself for it.

Annette Bening, proving that she is still alive, if anyone wants to hire her, is presenting Best Actor in a Drama. Will Smith brought his kid, who jumped up and down like a bean when they called his dad's name. It was most endearing. And Spacey motioned for more applause for himself. Things are way too tense at the Oscars for this kind of casual funniness.

Yay Russ! Hey, who's that blonde he kissed? Well, I'm certain it's because it's the law that you have to kiss the person next to you when you win an award, and I'm all the way across the country. I could have gotten the day off from work, I'm sure, but he probably couldn't reach me by phone. No-one can.

His winning makes up for Steve Buscemi losing, and Mulholland Drive not winning anything. Best Picture Drama is still coming, but I'd faint if it won.

Mel Gibson is giving out that award. Is he the "very special surprise celebrity"? What happened to that anyway, they teased it a few times then let it go. And A Beautiful Mind wins! Yay!

Man, Ron Howard is looking more skull-like by the minute. He looks like an action figure, The Amazing Aging Boy!

And it's over--Dick Clark and the announcer both pushing next year, the 60th Annual Golden Globes, like they think we're going to stay in front of the box, waiting for it to start. Though I kind of thought that the announcer would say, "Join us next year for the 60th Annual Golden Globe Awards, where a very special surprise celebrity may very well appear! No, this time I mean it!"

Today's horoscope:
Hard work brings a reward. Your efforts bear fruit. Recognition comes in a financial form.

One year ago today:
Back when men were men and couches were davenports.

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Last Updated Mon 21 January 23:20:09 2002