I am in such pain. My legs hurt so much--my hips hurts and my thighs hurt and my knees hurt and my calves hurt and my shins hurt and my ankles hurt and my feet hurt and my toes hurt. If it's below the waist, it hurts.

Yes, I spent yesterday at Disneyland.

Eleven hours walking and standing will do that to a person, even if all of the walking and the standing were being done at the Happiest Place on Earth. It was an absolute zoo, natch, millions of people all in my way, but it was fun, even though the Matterhorn was closed down and they still have The Nightmare Before Christmas all over the Haunted House (remember, All Change is Bad).

Sometimes I feel slightly peculiar being literally the only adult on earth who goes to Disneyland alone, but boy do I love it. There is no negotiating over who wants to do what when or who wants to go on what ride that the other people in question wouldn't be seen dead on and so on, there is just happily tromping from ride to ride, not having to make conversation. It doesn't get much better than that.

Also, of course, I'm as popular as the guy in the Mickey costume, shiny-eyed kids pointing at me with joy as far as the eye can see. I feel nearly normal at Disneyland. I should live there.

Disneyland: A Day In Pictures:

The new parking lot and the tram to the park.

This was the line. For tickets to get into the park. This was the first inkling that I had that I might have chosen a better day to go.

But I finally got a ticket!

And this was the line to get into the park once you had tickets. Dear God.

But it is the Happiest Place on Earth! Not to mention the Merriest!

The first thing I do when I go to Disneyland, always, is walk through Main Street and Cinderella's Castle and go to It's A Small World.

And this was the line. For Small World! The wait time posted was 90 minutes, but it's nearly always less than that. And it turned out to only be 40 minutes, so I was right! But wait, 40 minutes to go on a ride I've been on a hundred times? A kiddie ride no less? What a question, of course it's worth it!

The second thing that I always go on is The Matterhorn.

See? Ain't it pretty? But...

It was closed. They were working on it. O how sad I was.

But I went to see this instead! This one never never gets old, it really doesn't. Eric Idle, Rick Moranis, a giant snake, what could be better than that?

Then I had lunch.

This is a nine dollar lunch at Disneyland. And where do you sit once you pay nine dollars for lunch at Disneyland?

On the ground outside the Pizza Port. Have I mentioned yet that it was really crowded yesterday?

Then I went on Star Tours. Again, a 90 minute posted wait time and a 40 minute actual wait time. Not bad! I brought lots to read, of course. There are times when it's really good that I am obsessive-compulsive this way.

When I came out, I found that the Merry Christmas Parade was on.

I elbowed my way near the front, but was unable to see due to all these tall people in front of me. Have I ever said this sentence before? Has this ever been a problem? It was most peculiar.

Then I went to Frontierland and played with the shooting gallery. I am extremely good at shooting galleries, I always have been. I have done this one a minimum of thirty times, and I nearly always have a 70% or 80% hit rate. This time I hit nothing. Nothing! There's a sign up that says "These guns shoot straight," but I have a feeling that that is a gigantic lie.

Next was the Pirates of the Caribbean. The thing with a ride about pirates looting and raping and pillaging is that they tend to do these things at night, which makes for some rather avant-garde photographs.

Then it was time for Space Mountain, which I had Fast-Passed five hours earlier. I think I made a mistake about Fast-Passing, it used to be that you could only have one Fast-Pass at a time, but I think now it's that you can have one per time period, 5.30p-6.30p and so on.

I think I skipped Space Mountain last time, or maybe it was down, but I had forgotten what a terrific roller-coaster it is. Perhaps I noticed because of The Matterhorn being closed.

Then I was going to go on Big Thunder Mountain, but after five minutes in line they told us that the ride was temporarily down.

So I went on the Jungle Cruise. I love the Jungle Cruise, it is the only ride where the employees ("cast members") really have the freedom to do some creative work.

Every boat operator has a different routine. though there are some jokes that they all say, they each tend to work out original jokes, and it's a real treat to hear them just go wild.

After that I had some time to kill before my Fast-Pass for the Haunted Mansion came to fruition, so I wandered back over to Small World. I have no idea why, I may have been delirious with exhaustion.

I have never seen Small World at night, it certainly was a sight worth seeing.

It's still the Nightmare Before Christmas version of the Haunted Mansion, but I've only been on it the once before and I haven't gotten sick of it yet. More avant-garde pictures, though.

When I came out, there were fireworks!

And then fake snow!

And by God, then it was time to go home. Goodby, Disneyland! See you next year!

Today's horoscope:
A delicious stream of wickedness could be eroding your self-control. You may be able to think of a million excuses for yielding to temptation, but not a single good reason. Stay focused. There will be other times to play.

One year ago today:
I think it is possible to live a life without love--not preferable, but possible.

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Last Updated Thur 9 December 01:17:09 2002