My hands smell like developer. And yes, that means that I spent yesterday in the darkroom. I did, in fact, wash them since yesterday, but since I also spent today in the darkroom, I still get that big whiff every time I wave my hands around. Which happens more often than you might think, sitting alone in my apartment.

I managed to get into the city without my wallet, like the big dork that I am, but I had enough change in my pocket to pay for the van and the subway, but I couldn't actually eat anything even though I was going to be in the city allll day. Poor poor pitiful me.

I also couldn't pay for the darkroom, but that wasn't a thing, I knew that they'd let me ride it until today.

So I developed all of the rolls that I had from Orpheus and Country Wife and blew up shots for Melissa from her wedding. It was one of those magical days in the darkroom where everything goes brilliantly and I didn't have to do practically any tests because I always knew what the timing needed to be, so I actually got two out of the three orders completely finished, but for the 4x6 shots that she wanted, because I didn't have the paper.

On the other hand, the development of the rolls didn't go well at all, the machine went crazy and glues two rolls together, then a third roll got stuck in the machine and partially wrecked. Fortunately, it was an Orpheus roll, not Country Wife. Always best if your personal stuff gets fucked and not the job.

I borrowed $1.50 from Rick and took the bus back uptown, where this Englishman in a yellow jacket struck up a conversation and just flirted up a storm. It was the most peculiar thing.

This is either the second or third time in a couple of weeks where I have gotten flirted madly with, if you count J.C. at the bar that night I was out with Omar, which might not have been real. What the hell is going on? I mean yes, I'm 35 pounds down, but I'm still a horse, the 35 pounds would only show to people who know me, and even then not much. Besides, it's winter and I'm wearing a big coat. Why am I all of a sudden catnip to strangers on public conveyances? What is shining out of me that is attracting these men? I don't get it.

Got home and watched the most appalling SNL ever, even worse than the stick-insect Britney Murphy the other week. It starred Robert DeNiro, a great actor, but boy howdy did he suck rocks last night. Rocks! Rocks! Rocks are what he sucked! He was clearly reading every single line, he stumbled over a good half of them, and not one of the sketches were funny. The one thing that was funny was a McDonald's commercial parody that just slayed me:

"In response to pending legal action concerning obesity liability the McDonald's Corporation would like to present the following statement:

"The Big N' Tasty sandwich is food. Scientific studies suggest that excessive consumption of food may cause weight gain. In other words, if you stuff your greasy pie hole nonstop, you're probably going to pork up. The McDonald's Corporation had previously believed that this was obvious to all but very small children and morons. Since children and morons are valued customers of the McDonald's Corporation, we would like to point out other potential risks that could be associated with the Big N' Tasty.

"The Big N' Tasty is intended to be eaten. Complications may arise from shoving the Big N' Tasty up your nose. Dropping the Big N' Tasty from extremely tall buildings may cause the Big N' Tasty to achieve sufficient velocity to injure innocent people below. The Big N' Tasty should not be used as an artificial heart. The McDonald's Corporation seriously doubts anyone would try this, but hey, if you didn't know that gorging yourself on hamburgers might turn you into a fat-ass, then anything's possible.

"According to United States Law, the Big N' Tasty cannot perform the duties of a Legal Guardian. If you were to go into McDonald's and say, "Hey Big N' Tasty, take care of my kids while I run some errands," you may face legal action. Theoretically, the Big N' Tasty could be mistaken for a weapon during a police standoff. Marriage ceremonies officiated by the Big N' Tasty are not recognized in any of the contiguous 48 states. The Big N' Tasty is not God. For questions about any additional use of the Big N' Tasty, other than eating, please consult our website.

"For the small children and morons, McDonald's is the red and yellow restaurant by the highway. Remember to bring money."

Today's horoscope:
It's easy to blame personal problems on political or social conditions. Sooner or later, though, you'll have to take more responsibility. This may be the defining event that you need to get motivated.

One year ago today:
I'm not a goddamn emotional actor, so I don't have the resources to protect myself, nor did I recognize the potential for fallout when you do this to yourself.

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Last Updated Mon 9 December 01:32:09 2002