So yesterday I was lying in bed all asleep and so on, when I was awakened by a large group of men outside my window.

It was 10a, I had gone to sleep at 1a, you'd think that would have been enough sleep, but somehow the fact that I was from my sleep untimely ripp'd made it not enough, so I stuffed myself back into sleep.

I kept hearing the men, it was very peculiar, I would hear them all, five or six of them, then it was quiet, then they'd all talk again ten minutes later. It was as though they were alternately chatty and silent, either all talking at the same time and waving their arms around or sitting sullenly on the sidewalk, lost in their own thoughts.

Only later in the day when I went outside and saw the moving truck did I realize that they must have been carrying furniture in or out. Hey, I was floating in sleep, what can I tell you!

I ended up sleeping until 1.30p. It was very sweet.

After puttering around the house for awhile, I went to the office, because there was not enough time on the planet earth to finish up what I had to do last week while it was still actually last week.

And, on Friday, my desk looked like this:

I was on mail duty last week, which meant that I had to open and distribute all of the AP mail. It's a giant pain in the ass, and in a week when I am being both The Raccoon and myself and having rehearsals at night so I can't stay all damn night, it's impossible.

So I came in and did five days on mail in five hours, then took care of all of my phone calls. I brought in the laptop and watched Austin Powers and half of the first disc of I, Claudius until it started skipping too much, and then Ocean's 11 with the second commentary, the one with Brad Pitt and Andy Garcia and Matt Damon.

I had forgotten how funny Austin Powers is. I never saw the second one, so got them from Netflix to watch before going to see the new one. I will say, though, that the commentary track is unwatchable, or rather unlistenable. For some unknown reason, instead of turning the sound of the movie down, like they do on every other track known to man so that if the commentators are quiet for awhile they can turn it back up, and it's really like watching it with the people talking, they took the sound out altogether! So it was like this:

"Hi, I'm Mike Myers, I wrote, starred in and produced the movie."
"Hi, I'm Jay Roach, I directed the movie."
Long long long silent pause.
"This bit is our tribute to A Hard Day's Night."
Even longer silent pause.
"So is this."

At that point, I turned it off. It's funny, but had the noise of the movie been going on in the background, I could have watched it, but not these random sentences over a silent film. What happens later, do they ever laugh at a piece of dialogue? Do they have to repeat it for the audience at home, or is it just:

"Ha ha ha!"
Long silent pause.
"I love that line."

The track for Ocean's 11 was good, though I love it when they have tried to trick us in the editing of the commentary, but I catch it. In this case, it was the fact that though Andy Garcia and Matt Damon were recorded together, Brad Pitt was recorded separately, so even though they edited it to make it sound as though Garcia and Damon were laughing at Pitt's jokes and vice versa, 'twas not so!

While I'm showing you pictures of my desk at work, I thought perhaps you'd like to see my stuffed hedgehog collection that I keep there. And even if you wouldn't, I'm showing them to you anyway, because I know what's best. I love the way that one is rolled over on his back, probably the cleaning woman knocked him over accidentally, but it looks to me like he is rolling around with ecstasy.

My favourite thing ever from Jiminy Glick. If you haven't seen it, Martin Short plays Jiminy, the worst talk-show host in the world.

JIMINY
You're Canadian, has that been a burden?

EUGENE
No, no it has not been a burden.

JIMINY
And you understand everything I'm saying, I don't need to speak slower?

EUGENE
We have the same language.

JIMINY
Where do Canadians go when they need to get away, do they just go to the border and look and peer and wish?

(Then Dave Thomas came on as Bob Hope. A mini-SCTV reunion!)

JIMINY
Mr. Hope, what brings you to our show in a surprise sort of way?

BOB HOPE
I just thought I'd come on and plug my special.

JIMINY
What is the special you're doing?

BOB HOPE
We're doing a big hundredth birthday special out at Edward's Air Force Base, where the government is going to set off a 20 kiloton bomb in my honour.

JIMINY
O, that's wonderful!

BOB HOPE
This is the kid from that movie, the kid movie?

JIMINY
And his name is Eugene...

EUGENE
Levy.

BOB HOPE
I didn't see your movie, but I saw a trailer for it. Where you were in, I think, a kitchen, and there was a kid and he was doing something with a pie. He had his penis in a pie, did he?

EUGENE
Well, we didn't actually see any body parts...

BOB HOPE
And it reminded me of a scene that I did years ago in a movie called I'll Take Sweden...

JIMINY
O I love that film!

BOB HOPE
...with Anita Eckberg, and I walked in on my son and he was watching TV. Things have changed...I don't know how to fit into this world now, you know.

JIMINY
It's wonderful to have you here, but we have to pause, we have to sell some things, without these people we don't get any money!

BOB HOPE
I want to talk more about that kid's penis.

Today's horoscope:
Expensive tastes are highlighted today. If your bank account can take it, indulge yourself with an extra special present or fun activity.

One year ago today:
Who knew that between us two women, we make a penis?

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Last Updated Tues 6 August 18:19:09 2002