I don't think I can begin to express enough in a loud, clear voice exactly how much I hate people. All of the people. Particularly the people that I have to deal with in any way for my job, but all of the other people in the world are not much better, by me.

I particularly hate that bitch at our waste company who refused to speak to me because she had already spoken to someone else in my department, but that someone else didn't know that we were on hold so I really wanted to decide to let her drown in her own vomit, if she thinks that talking to this other person is better than talking to me when I am the one who is going to make any decision involving their getting paid this week.

But I can't, because it's medical waste and we really can't have it kicking around the building. But o how I'd like to. "O, you talked to her so you don't need to talk to me? Alrighty then! No check for you! Also, nyah nyah nyah!" I was literally shaking with fury after I talked to the bitch.

Every time there was an overhead page of someone that I don't like, I would repeat it in my head:

RECEPTIONIST
Olivia Purgebody, you have a call on line 45, Olivia Purgebody, line 45.

ME
Olivia Purgebody, you can bite me on the ass, Olivia Purgebody, on the ass.

O, that reminds me, last week when The Raccoon was still here (come back, Raccoon! Please!), we were getting ultimatums from the head of one of our branches, who has no right at all to be giving us ultimatums, and I said "Ben can eat me!" and The Raccoon said, "Yeah, and when he's done with her, he can eat me!" and I said, "I'm adding that to my repertoire!"

Unfortunately, it's sort of a two person thing, someone needs to say the first bit before you can say the second. Sigh. I can't wait until Monday, I'm so sick of being in charge. Although, actually I wouldn't mind had I been able to do a check run this week, but it's end of month and we're not, which means that I have been getting all of the blame and none of the power to fix anything. Which probably would be what being in charge all of the time would be like, too.

O God, though, the worst thing was when I finally had entered all of the invoices and generated all of the checks, but I couldn't get at the blank check stock, because The Evil Overlord was eating her lunch. Now, I realize that she should be able to have an hour's lunch without being interrupted, but it was 2.20p, which means that she should have been done by then, so I called her and she said that she had started lunch late and wouldn't be able to give me any checks until after 2.50p.

Which means that I spent that half hour sitting in my chair, watching numbers on the clock, because there wasn't a single thing that I could do without those checks. And I didn't want to take lunch, because I had to go to the post office later, and I couldn't do that without having cut the checks, and I didn't want to start a new project, because I would have just had to stop it when I could get the checks, not to mention the fact that I had to be at the post office before 5p and I would have to chase down the Lord God King of Accounting and hold him down bodily before he signed the checks. That I needed to take to the post office. Before 5p. And I wouldn't get the checks until nearly 3p.

So I just stared at the clock and clenched my jaw and twitched.

Honestly, I was vibrating like a tuning fork all yesterday, kind of like I do when I'm coming off of Novocain, or after I've used my inhaler, but I wasn't on anything, only the penicillin that I am using up, and the vibrating started before I took my first pill of the day, so it couldn't have been that. Must have been the hormones surging through my body like a tsunami.

Or maybe just the tension of the week. I am not a tense person, I have never been a tense person, but this week after the plate spinning that was the show, and now I'm dealing with the other show, though it's not nearly as difficult, it's something that I particularly want to be good, and honestly, I'm about ready to weep tears of blood. Everything will be fine, everything always is, but that doesn't stop me from want to wave my arms about frantically at all times. Just general flailing, that's what I'm doing anyway, might as well manifest the activity.

Manifest the activity? Is that even a sentence? This is what's going to happen with my turning 38--more irritation, more tension, more flailing, and more rambling journal entries with sentences that border on making no sense at all.

It's very important to keep the radio on when you feel like this, so that when you go to the office of the Lord God King of Accounting to ask the one question that you need to have answered before you can move on, and that monkey-faced guy is in there again, and it's a quarter past two and you want to finish so that you can do one of the other 200 things that you need to do, so you stomp back to your desk, fuming. And Rock the Boat is on the radio, so immediately, you are happy. Oldies radio=immediate happiness. You know, unless the song playing is The Name Game or Silhouettes on the Shade or something horrible like that.

"So I'd like to know where you got the notion,
I said I'd like to know where you got the notion,
Rock the boat, don't rock the boat baby,
Rock the boat, don't tip the boat over,
Rock the boat, don't rock the boat baby,
Rock the booooaaaat..."

"Do the Hustle!
Do the Hustle!
Doo doo doo doo doo-dee-doo doo dee
Doo doo doo doo doo-dee-doo doo dee
Dah dee dah dee dah dah dee dah dee
Dah dee dah dee dah dah dee dah dee
Ooooh, oooh, oooh do it!
BUM BUM BUM
Do the Hustle!"

"Hot child in the city
Hot child in the city
Running wild and looking pretty, yeah
Hot child in the city..."

"My my my, Delilah
Why why why, Delilah?
So before they come to break down the door,
Forgive me, Delilah, I just couldn't take anymore..."

"Come on down to my boat, baby
Come on down where we can play
Come on down to my boat, baby
Come on down, we'll sail away..."

I'm fairly certain that, were it not for oldies radio, some of the people that I work with would have lost their lives yesterday.

Some pigeons. In the first picture, it's a pigeon, the bird version of a street gang member, the bird least likely to appear in a nature setting, actually sitting on a tree. Sort of awkwardly clinging to the trunk, admittedly, not perched on a branch like a normal bird, but at least he's making an effort!

Some city sights.

The staircase at ATA with the disused elevator in the middle.

I got home and was relaxing and unkinking the gigantic knots in my neck while watching CSI, when suddenly, blackout.

Not just the basement, not just the house, but the entire neighbourhood. It was like being suddenly struck blind, really, there was absolutely no difference between your eyes being open or shut. I mean, there's a streetlamp right outside my window, or there's the spill from the light in the laundry room outside my door, it's never completely dark in the apartment, but it was a moonless night and there wasn't a speck of light coming from anywhere.

I made my way to my door, which is only about ten steps from my desk, if not eight, but it seemed to take a very long time indeed. I rather wished that I didn't have quite so much crap all over the floor. I got to the bottom of the basement steps and called upstairs. Fran confirmed that it was the whole house, and I went outside and confirmed that it was the whole neighbourhood.

There's something very peculiar about it being dark, I mean dark dark. In the country it gets dark all the time, but never in the city, where there is always a reasonable amount of light no matter what time it is.

I offered to lend a candle, and Fran found some matches, so I went downstairs and pulled some candles out of my candle drawer. I may not have any idea where the matches or the flashlights are, but by golly I have my candles all in one place! I brought one up for Fran that was one of the kind contained in a glass holder, and he said, "I was expecting a Hanukkah candle, and you brought me a romantic candle!" "Well, just like I only like expensive soaps, I also only like expensive candles!"

It's completely astonishing how much light just one small candle puts out. Complete dark to complete light.

After a bit, the light came back on. It probably was only a half an hour or so, but it was an adventure!

Today's horoscope:
You are tempted to overspend. Generosity can go too far. Don't give too much in your urge to help others.

One year ago today:
Everything, apparently. It all fell to shit as soon as I left the building, as was only to be expected, since I with my mere presence hold together the warp and woof of the universe.

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Last Updated Sat 3 August 17:42:09 2002