I am exhausted and cranky. The Raccoon is on vacation this week, so I am both her and me, which means that any problems anyone has, they come to me. And what a whiny bunch of whiny babies filled with whininess they are! Everyone wants money, everyone wants to be paid, no-one wants to sign invoices, that little creep keeps patting me on the back in a comradely fashion (my God how I hate being patted on the back in a comradely fashion!), everything is lost, nobody is giving me any money with which to pay things, we're on hold with everyone, the waste removal people in LA who always threaten to bring the waste back are on the verge of threatening to bring the waste back, and apparently, nobody is capable of doing anything around here but me.

Also, I'm on my period. Which may have been obvious. And I'm down to my last couple bucks again, so my own poverty is somewhat distracting. "O, so you want to get paid for that $175,000 flow cytometer, eh? Well, I can't go to Starbucks because I only have four bucks to last me until Friday! Now you tell me which of us you think is the poorer! I think it might be the addict clawing her arms to ribbons and seeing snakes come out of the walls, don't you?"

By the way, Mo, after at first saying that she thought they were relatively low in calories, has looked up my chai crème frappucchinos, and they are, apparently, 50,000,000 calories for a grande with no whip, and 75,000,000 calories with whip. I don't see the point of not having the whip, so there you have it. Fortunately, I didn't believe her when she lied through her little brown teeth and claimed that they were light, light, light as a feather on the breeze, so I was not felled in shock by the dénouement.

Mo is a bad bad, dirty girl.

And then, after work was the third rehearsal for Clerestory. I didn't realize that it was only the third rehearsal, until the end, when Ellen said, "Is this only the third rehearsal?" and we all realized how far we had come in such a short time.

Not far enough, by me. I really ripped Omar a new one after their first run-through. It's a really bad sign when a director starts the note-session by saying, "Now, you realize that I think you're a good actor and I love working with you, right?" because after saying that, I told him at great length exactly how bad he had been that time through the show. Ellen was great, she was really finding the character, I'm really pleased with how far she has come, but Omar, my favourite actor in the world, the actor that I never want to do a show without, that actor, just was not good enough.

"You have to think before you speak, and you have to mean what you say, and you have to tell the truth, and my God, you have to stop commenting on the character every third line!" He looked as though I had been hitting him by the time that I finished, but I know exactly how good he is in the role, and I wasn't going to put up with that surfacey shit when I know for a fact that he is capable of breaking my heart every time he opens his mouth.

We did it a second time, and it was much better. Tough love, baby. It still wasn't there, and he was still showing the character as a ticcy paper cut-out at times, but at others he was playing a real, thinking, feeling person and stuff. Afterwards, Omar said, "This is a much more difficult show than it seems at first read!" which it sure is. But it's also a great show, when played right, and no-one is as good in this role than Omar, once he gets himself all the way to it.

I'm not worried, not at all, it'll be there. If I have to break any bone in his body, it'll be there.

Today was my first Theme Thursday for my photo journal.

The theme was Adornment, and I wasn't really certain what I would do, and then to top it off, I left my camera at home on Wednesday, so I not only didn't know what to do, I didn't have anything to do it with.

My rule, though, is that I am aloud to use a photo from the day before, because there might be a day when I don't shoot or a day when I only shoot shit one day after I am brilliant, what a waste that would be! So since I could use something from the day before, what did I shoot the day before?

The cat sleeping in a weird position?

The reflection in my blue vase on my desk?

The pictures of the pictures of the scans that I sent to American Photo? Now that's really cheating.

None of them had a thing to do with adornment, no matter how I tried to spin them. Then I thought of a self-portrait that I had thrown off that showed off my nosering. I had taken it to see what I looked like looking to the side, and rather liked it, so I thought that I'd use it. Not much of an adornment, but I don't tend to be all that adorned.

I had to write a little blurb, so I thought I'd write something about how I always forget it's there, because I can't see it. Then I looked at it, and saw that in the photo, I look as though I am deliberately looking away from the nosering, demonstrating how I cannot see it.

It looks like the most planned out thing in the whole world, like I had had the idea and taken the picture in order to illustrate it, not that it was a default because I couldn't find anything else.

Art by accident.

Today's horoscope:
You enjoy your work today. People are pleasant and you feel satisfaction from what you accomplish.

One year ago today:
I cannot find it in me to care, but I am wondering how a man who clearly has made it his mission in life to hide every single thing he feels would want to be an actor?

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Last Updated Sat 3 August 00:44:09 2002