Okay, well, I'm better than yesterday, thank you!

1. My mouth is full of teeth.
2. I had dinner with Amy.
3. I smell like Funeral Parlor and have lovely soft hands!

Of course, all of these things happened on Wednesday, the day before yesterday's Day of Hormonal Rage-a-Go-Go, but hey, I never wrote about it so might as well now. And I really am in a better mood now anyway.

So yes, my mouth has the full compliment of teeth that should be in there! There are no gaps, there are no weirdly short teeth, there are no small metal temporaries that get food caught around them, there are just 48 or 37 or 72 or however many big fat white teeth there are supposed to be! For the first time in about six or eight months!

You know, I didn't grow all of them myself, I didn't make them out of my own body, three of them are made of a magical space-age polymer material of some kind, but they chew and they bite and they don't feel weird and all is well.

Of course, what I am trying to say is that I finally went to the dentist on Wednesday and had my new crown put in.

Of course, as I told him, it was perfect timing, because the temporary had finally stopped hurting just two days before and I could chew on that side again and everything, and we don't want that for heaven's sake, so it's a good thing that I was going back to the dentist to get that remedied.

He put on the small bib only, so I knew that it wouldn't be a bloodbath again, and it really was fairly simple, just a bit of drilling the fake tooth to get it to fit with my bite and so on, and since it was the fake tooth, it didn't actually hurt of anything, since it was across the room at the time. Also, it is not actually part of my body.

Anyway, mouth full of teeth, all is right with the world.

So Amy came to New York with her mother to see the Rosie O'Donnell Show. She's closer geographically to Oprah, but she apparently needs to make things difficult and fly across the country leaving her poor defenseless infant baby behind (although clearly in the bottom picture on this page, she is only posing as a baby and is in fact a lecherous old man).

She probably really came to have dinner with me, this Rosie thing is just a beard. It's tough being a figure of obsession as I am, but I put up with it. It's the price one pays for international fame and superstardom and so on.

I made her go to Vynl, because I make everyone go to Vynl, and told her to take a cab there, but as I was walking over, I heard someone calling my name, and there she was, on a payphone, waving at me. Of course, the last time I saw her she was filled with a baby, so I was squinting at her, hoping that it really was her and not just another stalker fan, but it was.

We went to the restaurant, and I proved the fact that I am a regular by the waiter asking her if she needed more time to look at the menu, and looked at me and said, "I know that you don't need more time!" And I didn't even recognize this waiter! I'm like Norm there now.

Amy ordered something, and then immediately switched her order after I ordered to exactly what I was having, because I am such a trendsetter, then we tried to gossip.

"Okay, let's gossip!"
"Okay! Do you know any?"
"Don't you?"
"Hey, it was your idea!"
"Okay, um...let me think...nope, nothing."
"Well, that was a bust!"

So we talked about ourselves instead, which is a source of constant fascination, but since Amy never reads my journal anymore, I could basically just rattle off paragraph after paragraph, pretending to be all spontaneous and such.

I spent time paralyzed with laughter, like after the waiter left us at one point, and Amy said, in all seriousness, "Do you think he's gay?" I probably laughed for five minutes, because it was as though we were in a drag club and she pointed at Harvey Fierstein and asked that question. I also told the old how many straight waiters in New York does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Both of them.

My other favourite moment was when she ordered the lemon cake because I get all wild-eyed at the mere thought of the stuff, and she wasn't overenthused about it. Because it was too lemony. "What did you expect, that it would be chocolatey?"

Anyway, it was totally fun and we had a swell time. Even though she may never forgive me what I said about her baby, though it really is only in that one picture. And I'm totally not wrong.

And then when I got home, the lotion and bath gel I had ordered from Demeter agaes ago had finally arrived!

And though I prefer the smell of the spray, because the lotion doesn't have that moment of clarity, the scent does last hours rather than minutes, which is good. And besides the scent, the lotion itself is excellent, my hand are soft as, as, as 350 count sheets or something.

I smell like a funeral, and I couldn't be happier.

Lenten entries missed:

Penny is very bad indeed and only updated once during Lent, she is learning Cantonese, so that must take up most of her time.

Today's horoscope:
Family influences your thinking, conversation and perceptions today. Immediate concerns and the people right around you draw your attention.

One year ago today:
"why do u cuse like that bitch suck my damn dick hoe i hope my cum leaves pimples on your face you sluty ass bitch ass hoe"

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Last Updated Mon 29 April 01:52:09 2002