It's amazing how much I am enjoying this updating every day on the day thing. It's so much easier and freer just to sit down and start typing, not all trying to remember what the weather was like and what I did five days ago.

I also am finding myself writing more about what I am thinking than what I am doing, which is quite a big change. But hey, I'm just going with the flow, baby. I didn't realize how much fun I wasn't having, except for when I was doing things like Oscar and Grammy recaps and so on, which are A, easy peasy lemon squeezy, and B, extremely immediate, they are all about the now rather than the then, and it's the now that I'm interested in writing about.

I think that makes not as much sense as I meant it to, but who cares? That was last paragraph, baby, that was then, and I'm all about the now!! Woo-hoo!!

I think that I am hands down either the most optimistic or the most deluded person around. Except maybe for that guy who was making that movie with money from his uncle and they made a documentary about him. What was that movie called? You remember, he had no money and no talent and no reason to believe that he could actually make a movie, but he did it anyway.

Actually, I think that I am slightly more deluded than he is, because at least he barreled ahead and did his dream, whereas I...Here's the thing, the thing I am deluded about. I truly believe with all of my heart that my life will be different, this it won't be like this forever, that all of my dreams will come true.

This is without my expending any effort on trying to get acting jobs or meet men or save money or do anything at all, but still I believe that everything will click into place, that I will sit in my apartment and suddenly there will be this pounding noise at my door, and I'll open it up and there will be this big truck filled with everything that I have ever wished for and a driver with a manifest asking me to sign for it and where did I want him to put everything.

I am 37 years old, I have about five minutes left to have children in, no man has evidenced the slightest interest in me since I was in my mid-twenties, I have neither money or credit to buy a house with, I only work with one theatre company and I never invite any agents or casting people to see me so that I can get other jobs, it is patently impossible for anything miraculous to happen now, even if I did try to make it happen.

But you know what? I still really truly believe that everything will magically change. If I didn't believe it, I'd probably die, so it's a good thing that I do have this incredible, hard-headed faith in my life turning into something wonderful.

What kind of insane lunatic would staple something on the right corner? I ask you! And the answer is, the insane lunatics that work in our new office who send us invoices stapled on the right corner. It's madness, madness, I tell you!

And while we are at it, when did I become the only person in America to paperclip things putting the smaller bit of the paperclip in the front? I seem to recall a time, a simpler time, when everyone paperclipped things that way, aka the right way, but over the past couple of years I have come to notice that I am given stack and stacks of paper that is all paperclipped with the big bit in the front.

What the hell is up with that? Did everyone go to a remedial paperclipping class to which I was not invited? Or did one day everyone wake up and start paperclipping things wrong? Because it is wrong, you know. The small bit goes in the front and the big bit goes in the back, forever and ever, world without end.

Sometimes I wonder how it is that I have not gotten ahead in life, and other times I realize that it is because I spend most of my time concentrating very very hard on things like this.

Lenten entries missed:

In Passing has un-linkable entries, and they really aren't entries, either, but I love this, um, blog? Have I started to read blogs against my better judgement? So it seems. It's made up of snippets of overheard conversation, and I just love it. My favourite one ever is on this page, and I'll bet you can guess which one it is!

Today's horoscope:
An impulse to "take it to the limit" could get you into hot water. Don't go all the way.

One year ago today:
All the guys are aged by getting a gut, which makes them look like they have a pillow down their front, like they are playing Santa.

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Last Updated Thurs 11 April 00:53:09 2002