So I went to WW yesterday, and found that I hadn't lost an ounce, but neither had I gained, I am still at the same 17.8 loss of two weeks ago.

Which, considering how I have been sucking up Girl Scout cookies like a truffle pig, ain't bad. And it is the first week that I haven't had a loss. And it wasn't a gain. I'm still disappointed, but you know what? I haven't done a thing to lose weight recently, so the fact that I haven't lost any should come as a surprise to no one, certainly not me!

At meeting, it was a dull topic that no-one was interested in, and, as Michael told us, no-one at any of his other meetings have been interested in either, so he ended up with something else. He said, "How many people want to get on the scale next week and have lost weight?" Everyone laughed and raised their hands, and I said, "Duh!" because I'm like that, and he said, "Yes, duh, but not duh also. Because if you really want to lose weight, your behaviour will reflect that, and if you find yourself doing things that will not help you to lose weight, then it really isn't important enough to you after all."

Revelation time! But not so much, because it's what I've always said, that barring medical issues, if you're fat, it's because you want to be, because it's more important to you to eat that thing right now than to have lost weight six months from now. But I just had to be reminded what I wanted, and how what I do affects what I want.

He went on to say that someone in one of his meetings was, this week, going to pretend she was at Weight Watchers Boot Camp. "I asked her, 'What's that?' and she said that she was going to pretend that she was a new member and was just learning all this stuff, and she would really concentrate on getting focused on weight loss, because she had lost that. Now, what do you think you can do to be more focused?" And around the room, people started saying, "Journal!" "Exercise!" "Drink water!" and I realized exactly how much I have gone off program recently.

I haven't journalled in weeks, which means that I haven't been so strict on the counting of the points (if I ignore that I ate that, it doesn't count), I drink very little water, the soda drinking has crept back up again, no longer do I restrict myself to one a day, often I will have two, and on the weekends I go crazy like the previously mentioned truffle pig.

So what I need to do is focus, is remember what it was like when I started, is get back into the geekiness of the obsessive point counting that I loved so much, and to remember that there is a goal at the end of this that I presumably want more than Girl Scout cookies.

Of course, I went out of the meeting and went right to McDonald's and had my breakfast, but I have been promising it to myself for days and days and I finally chew again in reasonable comfort, so I wasn't going to let a little thing like renewed vigour in the weight loss process deprive me of this treat that I really only have every couple of weeks even during my bad times now.

That's another thing to remember, my bad times, my truffle pig times, my off-program times are so not even close to what I am capable of in terms of stuffing myself like a goose that I must keep that in mind. Though it seems foolish to pat myself on the head for not being just as bad as I can be, the fact that I don't go to McDonald's every single day, or even every single week, is really worth something.

Anyway, how did I reconcile a sausage biscuit with going back on program? Why, by counting the points and eating less for the rest of the day! No, seriously! Exactly as WW teaches me, exactly as I was doing quite cheerfully a mere month ago!

Because sometimes you just have to be reminded that just because you have forgotten what it was like to do something right, it doesn't mean that you can't remember again.

You know, or some other sentence on the same subject that makes much more sense.

Heeheehee. An accidental exchange in my house a few minutes ago.

ME
(to the cats milling at my feet)
What do you want?

NIGELLA LAWSON
(On TV)
What I want is a soft, chunky texture.

That is not, in fact, what my cats wanted, they wanted dry cat food, but I loved that she answered one second after I asked, it really sounded like a conversation. Too bad she was only on TV and not in my house, first of all I certainly would eat better if she were around, and secondly, she has recently rocketed to the top of the list of women who would make me switch-hit.

Honestly, if you haven't seen her, she's amazing, she'd make a gay man straight and a straight woman gay. If anyone is starting a religion to worship her, I'd join. I'd get the statue and light candles lay sacrifices at her feet. Luckily, since she's a food person, the sacrifices will be string beans wrapped in proscuitto rather than goats. You know, unless it's curried goat or something.

Lenten entries missed:

Amaya did not win $193,000,000.00, movingly discussed what it's like to be the parent of a disabled child, and, less movingly, talked at length about his prostate. Also, check out his incredibly cool Gallery of Evaporation. It's like looking for the Ninas in Hirschfeld drawings.

Today's horoscope:
Use your common sense. Stay grounded around love and romance today. A solid appreciation brings rewards.

One year ago today:
EVERYONE
You are blonde! Blonde, blonde, blonde I say!

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Last Updated Fri 5 April 00:38:09 2002