Know what I hate? Crushes. I'm over the whole mess.

Usually I think that crushes are joyous and fun and give my brain something to work over, like poking your tongue at a broken tooth, but aren't I getting too old for this shit?

I think that the problem isn't crushes, it's un-reciprocated crushes, which are the only kind of crushes that I have.

What brought this on? A crush that I don't even have anymore! I used to like this guy in my show, a few years ago I really dug him and he basically looks at me as a completely non-sexual being, so I got over him, but I could start it up again in my head if he would show the smallest bit of interest in me, which he never will. I am the last woman on earth that he would fuck.

No, that's not right, that's just being whiny. I'm pretty certain, though, that I am the last woman unrelated to him and under 40 of his acquaintance that he would fuck. And I'm sick of it.

The only reason to keep up this romantic soul would be thinking that someday it would change, that someday a boy I liked would like me back, that someday I would find my Golden Boy, my Jeremy, my Greg, my Dario, my Spike, but here I am, 37 years old, and it may just be time to let that dream go. Because it will never happen.

I also realize that the next time I see a cute guy, I'll change my mind, but something may be dying inside me.

Today's horoscope:
A new viewpoint or idea could bring pleasure to the family if you do not react with automatic denial. Be open to what may occur.

One year ago today:
I wonder if they can hear the flop-sweat in my voice?

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Last Updated Fri 26 October 00:21:09 2001