Heavens, the Emmys are actually occurring! Since they were postponed twice, the first time by WTC and the second time by the war actually starting that very day. Will a volcano erupt in the middle of the broadcast? Who knew that all of these horrors were really a secret plot against the Emmys? Perhaps the mastermind is really Ray Romano.

Who is that guy singing America? He sounds like Ray Charles, but since he is blonde, not blind and playing the trumpet, I think perhaps he isn't. Ah, it's Phil Driscoll. Well, that doesn't make anything any clearer.

I don't envy Ellen DeGeneres having to make jokes and be the master of ceremonies. She can't be too lighthearted, but on the other hand, if she's not funny at all, that's no good. She's starting out well, "Welcome to the 53rd, 54th and 55th Emmy Awards!"

Man, I didn't know how tough I had it when I did this without TiVo, it's much better this way!

Everyone's in black. It looks like a giant funeral. Or possibly a cocktail party. Hard to tell. Ah, Lorraine Bracco is in a white shirt! I knew I could count on her to be inappropriate.

Ellen's opening monologue is so stellar, it's hard to pick a line, but I think "What would bug the Taliban more than seeing a gay woman in a suit surrounded by Jews?" shines out.

Man, these outfits will make Joan and Melissa Rivers' fashion special kind of dull.

Best Supporting Actress in a Drama Series, so far both Stockard Channing and Tyne Daly were crying in their clips. We know it's a drama category, ladies, no need to shove it down our throats. Ah, Allison Janney's clip is turkeys in an office, that'll keep 'em on their toes! Maura Tierney yelling at Sally Field in the rain, Aida Turturro tearing up. I vote for Allison Janney and the turkeys.

And I am right! See, ladies, don't push it, learn the lesson of your sister Janney.

Okay, I know it's not so formal, but couldn't have Goran Visnjic worn a tie? Okay, he's so beautiful, I'll forgive him, but honestly.

Hey, Steve Buscemi was nominated for directing? Cool! He lost, but still cool.

This taking someone from the back and putting them in the front bit started out stupid but got better. I'll bet they planned on bringing it back later in the show, except that she accidentally picked such a pill.

On the other hand, none of the Best Supporting Actor in a Drama Series are crying. There you go, drama actresses need to weep, drama actors need to be tough. Or, clearly, be in a scene with Martin Sheen. He's the actor supporting the best supporting actors. O, I slay me!

"Aaron Sorkin, how does an actor thank a writer for giving him the role of a lifetime?" Well, probably by getting him a big bag of coke.

I wonder how many people in the audience are confused by Martin Short as Jiminy Glick? I mean, they work long hours, they probably don't watch Comedy Central.

Someday Peter McNichol will win an Emmy, but I don't know if I'll be alive to see it. O! He won! I'm so happy! I don't even watch Ally McBeal anymore, but I've loved him for years (he was so great in Chicago Hope)--I think he's one of the most subtle actors on TV and baby, subtlety isn't rewarded in TV.

This is lovely, the thanking of the world. The only thing stopping me from bursting into tears is the music, which is lovely, but which I happen to know was written for Hannibal from a quote from Dante about eating someone's heart.

Hey! Where are the clips for the Supporting Comedy Actresses? What are they, chopped liver? Nice to see an old workhorse like Doris Roberts win. Even if they do think that she's chopped liver. Chopped liver of a workhorse. And a birthday girl!

Couldn't they have picked a seat-filler to speak to who was actually verbal in any way? There are Ellen and Steve Martin talking, will they compare notes on Anne Heche during the commercial?

Why is there an impressionist on the show? Will there be a puppeteer and a plate-spinner as well?

Hey, now they don't even let the writers up on stage to get their awards? Probably Comedy Central was too cheap to send them to LA.

Only at the Emmys can Steve Martin lose to Barbra Streisand.

Brian Cox is having a child in January? Isn't he about a hundred years old? He's joining the Tony Randall/Tony Quinn Make Your Own Grandchildren Club.

Tammy Blanchard wasn't there? Baby, when you are a complete unknown, you show up! It's the Powers Booth rule. With so many people not here, they probably will end on time for once.

The Anne Frank producer read a beautiful passage from Anne's diary, but then continued in the same voice as himself, so it sounded as though Anne Frank, in a diary entry from sixty years ago, thanked ABC and Touchstone and the cast and crew.

There's Lorraine Bracco, will she be clearly drunk as usual? Hmm, seemingly not. Must be because everything is different this Emmys.

O, this is great! Steve Martin just ran onstage to accept Judy Davis' Emmy, because he didn't win in his category, but he's there and none of the winners are! You can always count on Steve.

It's really great to see Mary Tyler Moore up there practically jumping up and down at the thought of it being the 50th anniversary of I Love Lucy. I don't know why that struck me as being so sweet, but I just watched it thinking, "That's a really classy lady."

Was it a co-incidence that Jimmy Smits was on right after a commercial for Puerto Rico tourism?

What is with these odd voiceovers as people win? "Edie Falco's Emmy is for her portrayal of Carmela Soprano in The Sopranos. Born in Brooklyn and a star of Broadway, her family is of Swedish and Neapolitan heritage." One expects the voice to continue, "Once, in fifth grade, Edie came third in the class spelling bee by forgetting about the 'i' in the word 'business'. Her favourite color is lime green, her favourite fish is turbot and she rarely flosses."

Man, that sure was a real expression on Lorraine Bracco's face as Edie won. Sad and disappointed, but proud of her friend. Wondering when will it be her turn, I think.

There's Aaron Sorkin, accepting for The West Wing. You know, I used to know him, long ago. We weren't friends, but we were part of the same group of friends in NY in the mid-80's, just pre-A Few Good Men. My friend Kathy was madly in love with him, but he was a steaming asshole and treated her like dirt. Anytime he wants to hire me, though, I'll let bygones be bygones!

Barbra Streisand is singing? Did they lock her in a closet so that she couldn't accept her Emmy? "No, you are a surprise, woman, forget it, you are not coming out! There, it's a commercial, stop rattling the knob, it's too late now. Look, if you don't calm down, you won't even be let out to sing!"

And I was right, they did end on time!

Today's horoscope:
Words build bridges of friendship today. Discuss what is on your mind; you'll find your connections strengthened.

One year ago today:
"You were having cheer-sex with him!"

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Last Updated Mon 5 November 00:10:09 2001